Prime Cuts

If you ever get fired (with cause) from your job, all you need to do is befriend five war criminals to get revenge on all who have wronged you. This Datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; The Battle of Guadalcanal, Cliffjumper's return from Vacation Island, yet more ways to make new guys, refueling via reverse milking, the Stunticons being unhelpful as usual, unrealistic space peril, Shockwave Riding Starscream HARD (Must see!!), what defines Shockwave's character, and why the Protectabots seem to be so fucking bad at their jobs.

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I'm going to be frank with everyone; at least 10 minutes of this episode is dedicated to a running bit about the Aerialbots jacking off on the Statue of Liberty. I'm sorry. This datatrack contains discussion of the following; highly illegal hats, classic 80s racism, the world's fakest race, Wildrider slamming into a mountain headfirst, Starscream's gayer than usual behavior, Superion giving Lady Liberty a pearl necklace, the politics of giving an alien robot a scientific research award, Megatron's sicko interests rearing their head once more, and how much fun the Stunticons are.

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THIS PODCAST IS DEDICATED TO THE BRAVE MUJAHIDEEN FIGHTERS OF AFGHANISTAN. This datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; classic 80s racism, Megatron's canny involvement in geopolitics, cars = planes, the Giant Purple Griffin, Fireflight continues to be nobody, Slingshot's problematic views, the CHRONOSPHERE, Orion Pax's weird vibes, who the fuck is Dion, time loops, Optimus' transition into a more mythic figure, and questioning how you air an episode THIS out of order.

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Now look I know you THOUGHT you knew how Transformers were made, considering how they've built like 10 guys on Earth with no extra steps, but we didn't know about the big glowing god orb before. This datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; Rumble's love of car theft, Alpha Trion's continually strange vibes, Wildrider busting a nut, baby fights, how the Dinobots are doomed to limbo, putting the guy with a fear of heights in charge of plane team, and the seemingly endless march of combiners that will soon be hitting our screens.Noise Space Discord Patreon

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This week Prime Cuts is all about the ladies...and Hoist. We get our introduction to the concept of Female Autobots in their first and (for most of them) last episode, and Powerglide gets a human girlfriend. Then Hoist also does stuff. This datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; Cybertronian gender politics, how chicks seem to dig guys who are red, (shockwave voice) FEEMALES, the bizarrely incestual vibes Alpha Trion gives Prime and Elita's relationship, the dumbest girl in the world, Conehead antics, 50s style romcom tropes, how Astoria can do better, making movies, vehicular robots, flesh eating...

Look, whatever you do just don't look up where Dinsmore was between 1965 and 1979. This Datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; the Second Boer War, hunting cars for sport, the differences between Saw and Final Destination, that fucking billboard, isuggestforcetf, the beautiful Komodo Dragons of Borneo, Tracks cruising at the car wash, the Bop Crew, the genesis of Blaster and Soundwave's rivalry, and wondering what the hell the Cons' plan even WAS in 'Auto-Bop'.

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gurgling noises. This Datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; Seaspray, inter-species romance, the horror of the transformation pool, Seaspray keeping his awful voice after being turned into fabio, more vaguely indigenous-coded alien societies, FOOTBALL, Astrotrain's sad little life, the troubling BDSM culture Autobot Headquarters has been fostering, legendary lines, and Optimus turning down being everyone's daddy.

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This week friend of the show Sam joins us to talk about two episodes of Generation 1. The first one is a shockingly competent, world expanding adventure starring an underappreciated character. The other is maybe the worst single episode of G1 we've sat through thus far. In conclusion, Kremzeek is a land of contrasts. This Datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; The Book of Boba Fett, a slur so old timey it barely registers, Bosch, this show having three voice actors, Astrotrain's miserable life, Megatron's horrible son, accents so racist they loop around into being something else, Tokusatsu episode...

Who's ready for some half baked backstory with a side of bugs? This week your hosts take on the highly entertaining 'Quest for Survival' and the frankly confusing 'Secret of Omega Supreme'. This Datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; naturally occurring raid cans, Cosmos being put in hentai situations, the trouble with clones, Thrust's continued prominence, the Crystal City Polycule, the funniest way to make Omega Supreme telling a story bearable, the robo smasher, and the general weird vibes in 'SoOS'.

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Mara's good friend and frequent collaborator Jane Underscore joins the podcast this week to discuss quite a pair of episodes. One sees the birth of one of the most popular human/autobot ships of all time while the other challenges the very principles of animation "being good" and "making sense". This Datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; the thriving goon ecosystem of NYC, funny signs, Raoul, what Tracks being gay coded would actually mean in universe, Scrapper living up to his name, da Mets, Planet 52 starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, an all you can eat buffet of animation...

Friend of the pod Gigalithic joins your intrepid hosts this week for two more episodes of good old G1 madness. Whether its Beachcomber's discovery of a magical piss pool, or Astrotrain jumping at the opportunity to do colonialism, we can assure you that it's very fun, and very stupid. This Datatrack contains discussion on the following topics; why Seaspray sucks, random character groupings, what happens when a bunch of murderous idiots become invincible, Sunstreaker's interesting proclivities, improperly scored somber endings, Astrotrain listening to Joe Rogan, Cosmos' propensity to get immobilized, organized religion, electric lava, Omega Supreme's miraculous hammerspace, and...

As we reach roughly the halfway point of our journey through G1 season 2, the powers that be deign to give us the gift of peak. That's right, we're finally talking about A Decpticon Raider in King Arthur's Court...and also some other episode that was ok I guess. This Datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; good guys being annoying, War of the Worlds (2025), Red Alert's dogshit firefighting technique, Blaster's dogshit infiltration technique, Ye Olde Starscreame, Valley Girl princesses, bird shit, magic being real, time travel being real, dragons being real, and the wizard Boruto.

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In a pair of shockingly competent and relatively well-written episodes, all the frustrations the Dinobots have had about being the Autobots' get out of plot free cards finally comes home to roost in a two parter that sees Carly and Spike go to Cybertron to save everyone from a sudden onset of Cybertonium poisoning. But more importantly, Audrey and Mara argue about who has the longer drive to another city within their own state. This datatrack includes discussion of the following topics; quiet quitting, google maps, Carly letting her freak flag fly, Shockwave's no good horrible very bad day...

This week Argyle from Pod of Greed returns to the show to talk about a trio of extremely stupid episodes. While Microbots is mostly your average 'guys shrink down to go inside another guy' episode of children's animation it does contain one of the best scenes in all of G1 and introduces us to Perceptor. Then we experience the Television equivalent of being hit over the head with a sack of doorknobs for 45 minutes with the infamous two parter Megatron's Master Plan. Included in this Datatrack are discussions of the following topics; Brawn's rampant homophobia, Autobot HR, EVIL brain...

In a particularly Yaoiful pair of episodes, Audrey and Mara debate which couple is better; the sensitive, underappreciated architect and his rotund British doctor? Or the red hot Texan firetruck and the paranoid security chief? This datatrack includes discussion of the following topics; Powerglide's attitude, (probably accidental) character nuance, Starscream being surprisingly loyal (for about 20 minutes), the Construction company that is also a polycule, the public service funding in the G1 universe, Starscream being the world's worst trip sitter, and whatever the fuck the Tunnel Drone is.

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This week Max from Pod of Greed joins us for a mind melting trio of G1 episodes. Things start "normal" with the Insecticons eating too much delicious energy and getting ready to go out Mr. Creasote style before Dinobot Island goes completely off the rails. This datatrack includes discussion of the following topics; buge, Megatron's weird hangups, Beachcomber is here, hand-transforming your rival, Optimus Prime's usage of child soldiers, Inferno's status as the OG Cum Cannoneer, time travel, Dinosaur "facts", Starscream's thankless job, and the literal dozen new characters who Just Fucking Show Up.

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Alright so you've got two guys. One of them is an evil clone controlled by your arch rival. You can't tell which is which. So how do you solve it? Do you A) Question the clones separately based on knowledge only the original would have access to? or B) Have a race and shoot at a rock? The answer may surprise you! This datatrack includes discussion of the following topics; Soundwave's Secret Sons, Megatron's unhealthy obsession with Spike, Starscream's clonelust, Powerglide (who has been here the whole time), mind control (but its ok because the good guys are doing...

TORQ, generate picture of sexy female robot ninja, purple and black with yellow eyes, sleek silhouette, lots of knives, badass ninja skills, and huge [REDACTED]. This datatrack contains discussion of the following topics; Day of the Machines hitting too close to home, TORQ's battlebots rejects, Skyfire's continuing Busification, smart doorknobs, Doctor Fujiyama (the famous scientist), Nightbird's REAL function, gay coding, Jazz' ninja movie phase, and the question of Nightbird's sentience.

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It's ramping up. You may have thought that all of our talk about G1 season 2 being completely cracked was exaggerated. Well now Atlantis has been introduced and destroyed in the same episode. It's also not Atlantis. Worry not, because things only escalate from here. This datatrack contains discussion of the following; AKOM studios dubious reputation, Cybertronian furniture kink, The Device, Spike's invulnerability, national monuments, not-Atlantis, Brawn killing Huffer, and does it still count as found family if you steal them?

Also, please fill out our Patreon survey! Thanks!

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Is Cliffjumper ok? No. Is it funny that he becomes utterly convinced Mirage is a traitor because he missed one report? Yes. This week we're talking about a couple of fairly iconic episodes. 'Traitor' gave G1 Mirage a bit of ambiguous loyalty that future versions of the character would love to tease, but never fully develop. Meanwhile 'The Immobilizer' is the first of many 'Wheeljack's invention nearly kills everyone' episodes, if you don't count the Dinobots. The following topics are discussed within the following datatrack transmission; killer Among Us strats, Megatron's continually deteriorating plans, Rumble's tiny baby hands, Carly's...

Dan from Pod of Greed joins us to talk about two more helpings of good ol' G1 insanity. The Decepticons take over New York by building a city underneath it, and dismember Optimus in some highly confusing ways in order to help their dastardly plan along. Then, using extremely vague technology, Megatron turns a bunch of Autobots into huge jerks, and only the usage of different extremely vague technology can save them. Contained within this datatrack are discussions of the following; Reagan-era TV laws, sewer gators, skyscrapers with STDs, robogore, surgically applied lightsabers, questions about what Bluestreak's deal even...

After a year of back to back viewings of the absolute dregs of this franchise, your intrepid hosts have finally returned to where it all began. The original Transformers cartoon came onto the scene with some big swings in season one, but season two is where the madness really starts. Events discussed within this data transmission include; Frankenstein, dubiously certified doctors, Wheeljack's many crimes, Gears exploring subspace, Huffer getting fired for HR violations, Cliffjumper's thirst for violence, and the amount of cocaine that was fueling the writer's room.

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After slogging through perhaps the worst stretch of televised Transformers media there is, your hosts are run ragged. After months of horrible animation, garbled voice acting, braindead plotting, baffling writing, and boring action, we require an extra long break to recover...but when we return, we will be bringing with us Peak Transformers, the ultimate television experience, a cavalcade of light and sound sure to bewilder the senses and tickle the mind. What is it you may ask? Well, maybe you should listen and find out...

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What if God was your dead wife? What if your boat learned how to be a man on the internet? What if your Dead God Wife forgave you for being a huge asshole after obliterating an evil future version of you who was an even bigger asshole? What if Cog was the most important guy in the world? What if you could make a big hole? What if you were smooth and purple? What if all of this is just a bad dream? That would be nice, wouldn't it?

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Okay so what if God was a cube, right? And then you threw God into space because you were a big huge idiot, and God fell onto a weird dirt planet and started making the Fade from Dragon Age. And then when you went to go find God because throwing God into space really fucked everything up, God was your wife, who is probably dead though you don't actually know, and your God-Wife started beating the shit out of you, but then died again. Would that be weird? I think that would be weird.

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Hhhhooooooooo boy where to begin with War For Cybertron Kingdom. Is it better than Earthrise? Absolutely. Is it better than Siege? Debatable. Is it good? Absolutely not. In just two episodes,, this show hits us with the most baffling vocal performances yet, a slew of new old characters to ruin, time travel, even more Airazor disrespect, character arc sparknotes so sloppy it gave us whiplash, and beast modes that somehow don't really look any better than they did in 1996. Also the most incredible IMDB synopsis ever put to screen, and a theory about Waspinator's place in the world.

Transformers Earthrise stumbles and falls face first into an utterly deranged conclusion. Here are a list of actual things that happen in the final two episodes of Earthrise; Sky Lynx becomes Optimus Prime's spiritual guide, a JPEG of Unicron slurps Galvatron through reality, Cog turns into Solid Snake, The Decepticons invade the Ark and get beaten in less than a minute, Optimus asks Megatron to forgive him, Elita One (probably) dies along with every other Autobot on Cybertron, the Quintessons do absolutely nothing, Earth shows up very briefly, and Dinobot is in the stinger of the episode.

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Here are a list of things Transformers War For Cybertron Trilogy Earthrise Contains So Far: Terrible pacing, half baked rehashes of stuff from IDW, the worst Optimus Prime of all time, an utterly baffling usage of an iconic character which forms the core of the big toyline this show is meant to sell and made Mara extremely Mad, The Suck Off Machine, Quintessons But Not Really.

Here are a list of things Transformers War For Cybertron Trilogy Earthrise Does Not Contain So Far: EARTH

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One of the hosts may have transed her gender between when we went on hiatus and now, but one fact remains the same; the War For Cybertron Trilogy is pure, uncut, premium grade suckage. Jetfire somehow seems to get worse with every word that comes out of his idiot mouth, Megatron is completely losing it, Optimus continues to be the worst leader of all time, and the show manages to completely waste Doubledealer AND the Quintessons in one fell swoop. Will Earth even be in this damn show to rise?? We don't know, but we DO know that we...

THIS SHOW SUCKS!!! What is there to say other than that? Well. I guess we can apologize for the title. Sorry.

See you all in a month!!

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Well...I guess these episodes were objectively better than the first two in terms of being a TV show, but they made us WAY madder. Even the surprise appearance of Ratchet and Impactor old man yaoi couldn't stop us from gnashing our teeth over this show's muddy plotting, flat and boring characterization, Jetfire's absolutely atrocious face turn, and Optimus Prime's...well, everything really. This guy SUCKS!!!!!

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You know what? It's 2025. Time we grew the fuck up! It's time to toss away our childish things, such as good lighting and fun character writing, and watch a show about REAL giant robot war. Thankfully Netflix has just the thing. This ain't your grandpappy's Transformers, kiddos! This is a big important WAR STORY that has discussion of TREATIES and WAR CRIMES in it! Will we tell you what the treaty entails, or what the war crimes are? NO!! Everyone sounds cool and badass and has absolutely no personality beyond "grizzled", just like REAL WAR! Optimus Prime is a...

We've finally made it out of the nightmare that was Transformers Energon. Due to various unplanned (and planned) breaks, this season felt like it went on for years. Was it worth it, in the end? Did we learn anything valuable about ourselves, or the franchise we love? Not really. I guess we learned that Kicker is actually an alright character. So join your hosts as they look back on half a year of absolute slop, and look forward to beginning 2025 with a different sort of slop. Don't cry because it's over, smile because THE JERKERRRRRR happened, okay?

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IT'S OVER!!! IT'S AAAAALLL OVER! Sometimes it felt like this show would never end, but thankfully all things reach an end. Surprisingly, the last two episodes are better than the show has been in like 20 episodes, which isn't saying much but at least it isn't soul crushing. That doesn't mean we aren't subjected to the usual Energon slop; people becoming huge, deeply confusing monologues, fights with no stakes, and Unicron Orbs. So join us for the last time as we sit down to get fed our weekly helping of gruel.

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Folks, the world is always getting worse in new and terrifying ways. It seems every day wee open our eyes to some new kind of fresh hell. But there is one comforting, reliable constant that we can trust to ground us in these trying times; this show blows fucking chunks. As Energon slowly drags itself towards the finish line by making everyone Huge and Ugly, killing off characters at random, developing bizarre new running gags 4 episodes before the end, and just generally being a complete and total waste of time. The good news is that it's almost over. The...

With only eight episodes to go, Transformers Energon manages to slide three of the most annoying characters in franchise history right under the radar. Thankfully they die VERY quickly, but that didn't make their presence any less irritating. Transformers Energon isn't so much racing to a conclusion as it is meandering towards a stoppage. This week we ride the Omega Train, observe sitcom shenanigans from the Decepticons, wonder why these stupid combiners are even here when none of them have done anything, and marvel at Galvatron's quipping skills. Only two weeks left, but somehow the worst is yet to...

After two glorious weeks away, your hosts are back to subject themselves to the inane nonsense of Transformers Energon, and this week it REALLY starts getting to them. Character arcs are being flattened in record time, episodes feel like a meandering fever dream, and something deeply concerning is going on with the Jones family. Even the utterly bizarre tournament episode jammed into the series can't drag the mood out of the gutter. The good news is there are only eight episodes of Energon remaining. The bad news is that there are somehow EIGHT EPISODES of Energon remaining. Help.

Unicron explodes and there are still 14 episodes after that. Transformers Energon truly is the show that never ends, and this week it proves that it still has some terrible, nasty surprises for us. Ugly recolors, FOUR NEW CHARACTERS introduced with only a dozen episodes to go, Optimus Prime taking L after L, strange and garbled dialogue in both versions, Decepticon fart gas, and a Temu version of the final battle from Gurren Lagaan. Anyway, here's like a minute and a half of Optimus groaning and screaming, enjoy!

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For once we have a trio of episodes that are packed full of Things Happening, a rarity for Transformers Energon. Alpha Q fucking dies, Megatron gets head, Optimus sets himself on fire for no reason, Omega Supreme becomes Optimus' skinsuit, Shockblast becomes large, Shockblast dies badly, Optimus punches Ironhide in the face, everybody gets new colors, and Optimus becomes REALLY huge. Of course, just because things happened doesn't mean they weren't boring and stupid, but you can't win em all.

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Regardless of what version of the show one is watching, some pretty dramatic stuff happened last time. Which is why its incredible bizarre that the first of our two episodes today is mostly about a goofy race on a highway planet? We spend most of our time on that episode because frankly the other one we watched was duller than dirt. At least the race one has weird gags, car crashes, and Optimus acting like a complete fucking freak.

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While Audrey is off enjoying a birthday break from the drudgery of Transformers Energon, Nero is here to tell you about the lost episode of the show, and by 'lost' we mean 'they literally didn't dub this one for no discernible reason'. And that's pretty bad, because its a big episode for Scorponok, Ironhide, and Alpha Q, and its absence opens a minefield of plot holes that the dub never really bothers to fix.

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This week we wrap up yet another underwhelming and undercooked character arc, this time about Inferno's struggles with Decepticonification. The cast continues to balloon beyond their capacity to make any of the characters interesting or distinct, and that's when the dub can actually keep their names straight, but we sure to have a kooky old coot with hips that don't quit. The only morsel we have to hold on to during these dark times is the Scorponok and Alpha Q old man yaoi. Also, Audrey unleashes a powerful psychic attack on Nero by bringing up the ancient texts.

This week a rift in space opened up and gave us a glimpse of another world; one where Transformers Energon had good, normal animation instead of the stiff and stunted style we have grown tragically used to. Why is it that the only time they break out the traditional animation is when a character is in extreme agony? Is it because that's how we feel given a glimpse of a better world? Why are we still getting flashbacks to fucking Padlock so long after his death? Why was there a fucking clip show that summarized the events of the...

After a few weeks of nothing happening, a few things actually happened in these episodes! Unicron gets his new gamer colors to sell his new toy to the kiddies, Shockblast develops Sudden Betrayal Syndrome, Optimus does some bits from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Unicron tears open a very large, very suggestive looking rip in space. Isn't it crazy that we aren't even halfway through this shit??

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(Wing Dagger picks up Padlock's head): Alas, poor Padlock! I knew him, Hot Shot: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his alt mode a thousand times and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hangs that faceplate I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the cell block on a roar? Not one now, to mark your own dying badly? Quite chap-fallen. Now get thee to...

You know, perhaps your esteemed hosts were a bit too hard on Kicker; his father is a scientist with seemingly no moral limits who gleefully endangered his child to get some shiny rocks, his surrogate robot father is a cold and callous commander willing to let one of his soldiers fly into the heart of enemy territory with no backup, his partner is kind of a credulous dumbass who always manages to get himself into situations, and his girlfriend is mean to him. I'd be kinda testy too if I was him. Oh also these episodes have a lot...

We aren't even halfway through this show and the wheels have already fallen off. Characters are getting shoved into new bodies left and right, we've completely left any meaningful setting behind in favor of space adventures, and the dub has gotten so bad its barely coherent and only vaguely follows the visuals that happen on screen. But theres good news! We still have over 30 episodes left! Wait that's not good news at all...

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After an extended break, we're back to wallow in the misery of Transformers Energon. Though these episodes have a little bit more going on than the others we've covered, make no mistake; it WILL get worse. We discuss Misha's dubious archeological knowledge, continue to add to Dr. Jones' rap sheet, celebrate that Alpha Q finally has a face that doesn't have the most annoying voice in the world, and lose our minds just a little bit more.

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We, the Podcasting Court, enter the following charges against Doctor Brian Jones into the record; wildly reckless child endangerment (two counts), cringe fatherly behavior (15 counts), sexual harassment of a Government official (1 count), uncreative naming convention for Cybertron Cities (5 counts), absolutely dogshit haircut (ongoing(. We also have reason to believe that he is somehow responsible for the english dub leaving out the main source of conflict in the first episode we covered this week, but we cannot properly prove it. As a result, we are sentencing Doctor Brian Jones to 5 months in Megatron's Torture Nexus.

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Heyyyy, Megatron is back! And he doesn't look terrible! Does that mean these episodes of Energon were good, or even tolerable? No! Hot Shot nearly gets killed and takes a bath, we learn some racist Omnicon lore, Alpha Q drags Starscream's ghost out to sell more toys and kill Optimus Prime, Kicker continues to kick people, and we investigate the Transformers Energon AO3 tag. Now then, heres your complimentary Megatron Sword for listening to this episode. We've got loads of these things so we're just giving them away.

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Energon marches on!! Hey, you remember Megatron's Iconic Sword right? He was using that thing aaaall the tiiiime in Armada! God, so many memories. The dub was mostly normal this week but something really bad happened to episode 3 and they removed all the drama and character from it. Demolishor remains the only brave soul attempting to have a character arc amidst a sea of static. Kicker fell in a hole. We don't really understand how there's so much of this show but we're going ahead anyways, regardless of the consequences!

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The next few months of this podcast are going to be challenging for your hosts, as they plunge headfirst in what is widely regarded as the worst Transformers TV show that wasn't on machinima.com. A dreadful dub, deeply annoying characters, hideous animation, and nonsense plotting are conspiring to drive us mad. Will they succeed? Well considering this is only the first episode of Transformers Energon and we're already losing our minds by the end of this podcast, things don't bode well. #NotMyIronhide #TheJerkerrrr

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Earthspark has done a lot to impress both of your hosts, listeners. A cast made up of almost entirely new characters with a heavy human focus somehow ended up capturing our hearts. This episode is mostly us gushing about how good the show is, talking about The Undisputed Best Character (Twitch), the great character design, and of course answering some viewer questions. But something lurks on the horizon, something tedious and ugly, to steal away our happy fuzzy feelings. It's Nero's turn to pick, and they have chosen violence.

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Well, it's here. The grand finale of Earthspark, a show that manages to continually impress and surprise us to the end. This two parter has everything you want out of a big finale; excellent action sequences, fantastic character moments, surprisingly gruesome deaths, surprisingly gruesomer designs, and lighting our darkest hour. Now its time for the long, tortuous wait for season 2.

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As we approach the end of Earthspark lots of things are happening. Secrets are revealed, stakes are raised, and family bonds are tested, and new threats with absolutely awful names emerge. Ghoid. What is a Ghoid? Why are they called Ghoids? Are you into Ghoiding? Would you like to see my Ghoidcave? Wasn't it cool when the Ghoids Ghoided all over that guy? You up for getting Ghoided bro? Ghoid Ghoid Ghoid Ghoid Ghoid Ghoid Ghoid.

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Before you ask, no we DON'T know exactly what happened at the end of 'Prime Time'. We aren't entirely sure how much of that was real and how much of that wasn't, but one thing is for sure; Mandroid got his ass beat by a nine year old girl. Also we get to learn what its like when Starscream is nice, see how many seekers we can wrap up in gooey tentacles, be once again impressed by Hashtag's largeness, and question "Hey, what exactly is going on with Quintus Prime?? Is he evil?"

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You guys have been requesting this one for like almost two years at this point so it's time that we finally got around to this campy murderdoll in our nonlinear exploration of robots in film. M3gan is a clever and funny little horror movie which takes full advantage of its premise, as well as the talents of its lead performers. The prosthetics, voice work, and physical acting of the titular toy combine to make one hell of a good time. So crank up that Skatt Brothers record and break it down alongside M3gan as we recap and...

This week Optimus Prime reaches new heights of child endangerment, Jawbreaker learns that sometimes it feels good to go apeshit, and KEITH DAVID appears?! Sounds crazy, right? Well forget all that shit, the REAL important thing is that they included a genus of Dinosaur that's likely been invalidated, AND put its fossils in the wrong area!!!! Man, I hope somebody got FIRED for that blunder!!

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Ahhh, Da Big City. No tellin' what you'll experience if you spend a night there. Maybe you'll have a wonderful bonding experience with another queer person. Maybe you will experience a micro-agression. Maybe you will have to give your mentor a Stone Cold Stunner while a bird with a Southern accent mocks you, and then fight a dinosaur. One things for sure though, your physically imposing older sibling WILL be mind controlled by an increasingly unhinged maniac in a bid to rid the world of your kind, and will only be thwarted by some kind of insane space magic...

Technically this podcast covers two more episodes of Transformers Earthspark, "Bear Necessities" and "Warzone". We make lots of jokes about Annihilation (2018 film), speculate about why GHOST seems to be purposefully tainting wildlife with industrial waste, discuss Sexy Shockwave, and celebrate the return of Steve Blum as Starscream. Then about halfway through we stumbled upon one of the greatest fanwork ideas of all time and it sort of distracted us for the rest of the episode.

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Oh boy, here we go again. Tarantulus is back. I bet he's gonna be weird and gross and offputting and...oh? What's that? He's kind and complicated and genuinely concerned for Nightshade? Well, I guess anything can happen in Earthspark. Well, I'm sure Bumblebee has no deeper reason to risk breaking his cover just to do some silly races. Oh? He's trying to find his long lost friend from before the war separated by allegiances but connected by their love of daredevilry? Well golly gee. Well, at least we know one thing; Schloder is just some goofball GHOST agent...

Last time on Earthspark three new babies joined the cast. Now it's time to figure out whats up with them! One of them loves movies and the internet, one of them is a nice boy with severe anxiety, and one of them is impossibly good at advanced engineering projects. We also get more clues about GHOST being completely FINE and NORMAL, Nightshade meets a cow, Hashtag makes a movie, and Jawbreaker talks to Elita One. This show is insanely good, by the way.

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OKAY, EARTHSPARK!! These two episodes are absolutely packed with incredible stuff, too much to fit into a measly description, so instead I will give you a list of out of context phrases which relate to some cool shit that happens in this episode; Fusion Cannon Piledriver, Goth Baddie Skywarp, Megatron Energy Shibari, Quintus Prime, Three New Guys, Toxic Plane Yuri, Mandroid Boss Fight, and AMAZING TWITCH MOMENTS. We talked about these episodes for over twice their runtime so thats how you KNOW its good.

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Earthspark continues to provide us with all time great incarnations of classic characters. Rowdy Southern Arcee? Yes please! Frenzy with blue hair and pronouns? Sign us up! Soundwave disillusioned and betrayed by Megatron's turn? Wowee!! And the kids go to SCHOOL?!?!?!? ...well okay that one isn't actually all that exciting. But they DO basically watch their adopted robot siblings die, so, you know...anyway, block this goddang overhead!!

Noise Space | Discord | That cool Rumble fan design we talked about

What if you were like 2 weeks old or whatever and inadvertently scanned an Autobot scientist's drone as your alternate mode, and then you meet him in the woods while you're looking for a monster from Filipino folklore? What if you and your sister got into a fight so bad you accidentally stumble into a secret government blacksite and almost get murdered by a former war criminal's training program? What if you won the big gaming tournament but none of your family were around to celebrate with you because you had unwittingly isolated yourself from your own traditions? What if...

We learned a lot this week on Transformers Earthspark; baby cows are really cute, never take teaching advice from Megatron, Witwicky Pennsylvania has some robust rail infrastructure that is used entirely by shady secret organizations, rules are important, the chore chart is VERY important, never trust a guy named Swindle (we've heard this one before), and professional wrestling inspires bad behavior in young viewers. But the one thing we DIDN'T learn is who the hell taught Optimus about fakeout voicemail messages.

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New year, new show, same us. In a first for the podcast, we're covering a show that neither of the hosts have seen, Earthspark! We talk about the extremely strong first showing for this series with 'Secret Legacy'. Some great casting choices, cool designs, a fascinating setup for our characters, and the most engaging human cast we've ever had means we're pretty high on Earthspark so far. Also, damn these kids fall down hills a lot! They're gonna skin a knee!

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Animated Season 2 left us with a lot of questions. If Sari is a techno-organic hybrid, how come she caught a cold that one time? Why did the Constructicons not ever get a toy? How come Ratchet fucked up that bad? Why does Nero have such an atrocious Ronald Reagan impression? Will Hasbro ever answer for cancelling Animated Season 4? Is Slo-Mo single? At least some of these questions will be answered on this very podcast!

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Well, we've reached the end of TFA Season 2. Lots happens this week. Starscream flirts with his externalized girlboss aspect, Sari remakes Home Alone (complete with Joe Pesci), Ratchet reunites with his ex-boyfriend (a sentient weapon of mass destruction), Bulkhead's engineering skills are finally recognized, and shocking revelations about Sari's origin are teased in literally the last 30 seconds of the episode. But before we get into ANY of that Audrey tells Nero about the greatest comment ever left on a Transformers smutfic.

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ATTEN-SHUN! THIS WEEK WE ARE TALKING ABOUT EPISODES NINE AND TEN OF TRANSFORMERS ANIMATED SEASON TWO! THEY ARE CALLED 'AUTOBOOT CAMP' AND 'BLACK FRIDAY'! THE FOLLOWING EVENTS WILL BE DESCRIBED IN DETAIL BY YOUR HOSTS; BUMBLEBEE AND BULKHEAD MEET IN BOOT CAMP, BUMBLEBEE ACCIDENTALLY TORTURES SENTINEL PRIME, BUMBLEBEE GETS HIS LEGS RIPPED OFF, BUMBLEBEE IS TRICKED INTO FRAMING AN INNOCENT BOT FOR SPYING, GRIMLOCK HAS A BIG CRUSH ON A GOTH SPIDER, MELTDOWN OFFERS TO MURDER SOMEONE FOR SARI, SURPRISE SCIENCE BONDAGE, AND BUMBLEBEE FAILS THE SHUT UP CHALLENGE!! NOW DROP AND GIVE ME 20 TRANSFORM UPS YOU ROBO-MAGGOTS!!

As we hit the middle of Animated's second season we begin to get some pretty mid episodes, even if one of them has strangely good animation for no reason. However, that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of things to talk about. This week, Prowl gets caught up in a silly drug metaphor (where the representation of drugs is corpse bits that give you superpowers) while hunting down Starscream with Lockdown, only to find that there are several more Starscreams running around than there used to be. Then we collect all our various human supervillains into the Society of Ultimate...

BADA BING BADA BOOM we're back in the Mix(master) with Transformers Animated, and it's time to meet some more new guys! Bumblebee gets into a rivalry with a cool blue street racer who surely will not turn out to be a named character any time in the future. Then Bulkhead meets some real blue collar guys who were quite literally born yesterday. Will he be able to guide his rough around the edges pals away from Megatron's beguiling influence? Well since the episode is called "Rise of the Constructicons" probably not. Now sit the hell down, crack open...

It's finally here. After alluding to the best montage of all time many times in our past episodes, we've finally arrived at Starscream getting murdered over and over again for 45 seconds. Oh, but don't worry, he's fine. He can't die anymore, and he intends to make this everyone else's problem. Also in this episode, Weird Al has a double meta guest spot, Sentinel and Magnus attempt to make Optimus commit perjury for national security reasons, Ratchet learns how to be nice (sort of), and we come up with the Worst Best Musician Stunt Casting idea in franchise history.

Listeners we are so fucking back...in Detroit, to be specific. We're starting our journey through TFA season 2, and already some nutso shit has happened. Sari Sumdac is (briefly) the world's youngest CEO, the AutoCops have stopped by to investigate all these claims about Decepticons and Allsparks and whatnot, the Headmaster has returned to torment the Autobots (and the Audience), and Professor Sumdac is being forced to do Megatron's evil bidding. But don't worry about all that! Just chillax and watch some Cocomelon with Bulkhead and Bumblebee!

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We finished our sprint through Cyberverse's first season, and we have a lot of thoughts about it. Mostly our thoughts are that Bumblebee is kind of annoying, Shadowstriker is cool as fuck, and this show is chronically incorrect about Dinosaurs. We also construct the setting for our dream show, give out our end of season awards, and Nero announces their pick for our next season.

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`You know they say that all bots are created equal, but you look at me Grimlock and you look at Shockwave and you can see that statement is not true. See, normally if you go one on one with another Cybertronian, you got a 50/50 chance of winning. But I'm a genetic freak and I'm not normal! So you got a 25%, AT BEST, at beat me. Then you add The Seekers to the mix, your chances of winning drastic go down. See the battle at the Ark, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning, but I, I got a 66 and 2/3 chance...

This week the plot continues to move! Bumblebee gets some motivational flashbacks from the annoying orb he rescued last week, Slipstream roots through Windblade's memories and gets berated by her bosses over Zoom in two very different ways, and the gang black out an entire city to restart Grimlock's heart. We also get to hear some of Cyberverse's....interesting ideas about dinosaurs.

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As Windblade and Bumblebee get closer to locating the lost Ark, the Decepticons are closing in. In remembering an old bar, the duo get a cryptic clue from the past which hews shockingly close to their current situation. Shockwave launches a dastardly plan to gaslight Bumblebee into thinking that HE was imposter all along while Windblade and Slipstream have more encounters. Finally an annoying orb arrives to guide our heroes towards the end of their journey. Well, guide Bumblebee anyway. Windblade isn't a crew member so she can basically fuck off. Anyway I saw Bee venting in electrical, extremely...

This week we're joined by the other half of Naruto podcast Konoha Crush, Soliloquy, for more trips down Bumblebee's memory lane. We learn all about CUBE, Cybertron's premier sport, and how Bee met Windblade. Then we're treated to a bit of Bumblebee and Hot Rod's vacation on Velocitron, which ends in just about the worst way a vacation can end. Finally, we're properly introduced to Shadowstriker, who has some (well deserved) enmity towards our little yellow dipshit.

Noise Space | Discord | Konoha Crush | Lili's Twitch

Cyberverse continues to roll on, introducing us to more new guys through Bumblebee's flashbacks. This week Bee, Prime, and Grimlock have a Star Trek style adventure, Windblade gets homoerotically choked out in the Himalayas, and we learn all about why this Megatron guy sucks so bad. Oh, and Bumblebee watches informercials and learns some new words. How exciting.

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We're back from our summer vacation to talk about an all new show! There's a lot of things to get used to when starting Transformers Cyberverse. There are no human characters at all, the episodes are MUCH shorter, and and the voice acting varies in quality from "quite good" to "dubious G1 impersonation". But one thing remains constant; Bumblebee IS here and he IS extremely marketable.

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Well, here we are again. The end of another season. There are themes to discuss, characters to rank, accolades to give out, and future plans to announce. Also, Audrey gives her spoiler free review of Rise of the Beasts, we workshop the sexy new modern reboot of Beast Wars, and marvel at the insanely long name of Beast Wars' Italian Dub. Now if we all pool our twitter clout together we can get that "Bitch Wars" scrapped episode made, so get on it.

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It's time for the season finale! All the pieces fall into place, and our characters make big moves; Megatron goes into full Bond villain mode as he awaits the arrival of the mysterious alien race seemingly using this planet as an experiment. Optimus Primal gets put into a bondage machine and scolded by the robot devil. Tarantulus' plans are set in motion, and he valiantly resists the treacherous flirtation of his sexy spider minion. Inferno immolates people. Everyone takes turns telling Rattrap to shut up. Waspinator has a terrible day. Oh, and the evil fake alien moon is a...

This week is a perfect encapsulation of the extremes of Beast Wars. On the one hand, we have an episode about Tigatron grappling with the cost of war, the nature of violence, and his love of the natural world. Dinobot continues to be caught between the Maximal cause he has sworn himself to and the Predacon programming he was born with. Ultimately there are no easy answers for either of them, but they must press on.

On the other hand, what if Rhinox caught a virus that made him burp and sneeze and the burps and sneezes...

This week we talk about the episode that solidified Beast Wars' connections to the wider universe of Generation 1, and also an episode where a bunch of guys go blind and almost get eaten by a snake. Starscream is back and screamier than ever, with a performance somehow more unhinged than Chris Latta's original G1 voice work. Also Blackarachnia and Dinobot are huge history nerds, Waspinator would have a massive kill count in a more just world, and the Predacons should consider hiring that really big snake.

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This week is great if you like to hear professional voice actors make animal noises or weird grunts. This week is also pretty great if you're Tigatron...mostly. We watched 'Spider's Game', an episode all about Tarantulus and Blackarachnia doing treacherous spider shenanigans. They make a new guy, and Tarantulus becomes even more unpleasant somehow. Then in 'Call of the Wild' Megatron figures out how to make the Maximals go monke mode, and hunts them for sport, complete with elephant gun. Just another day in da Beast Wars baybee.

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Hey, look, I know there are a few weird things going on right now but its chill. The Maximals just got a new bird friend who is super cool, and Cheetor had another weird vision quest. It's fine. Yeah, sure there's a floating island with a giant obelisk that hates guns on it, and Tigatron is displaying some worrying ecofascist tendencies but its cool. That beam it sent up to space? The alien runes covering every inch of it? Whaddya talkin' about? It's fiiiiiine. How about we talk about Blackarachnia's sexy goth makeover instead, ok? Forget all about THE...

This week is all about our Maximals being nasty little sickos. First Rhinox gets Predified and causes all sorts of havoc on the Darksyde. Then Megatron decides to clone Dinobot to attempt to infiltrate the Maximal base. The clone can't transform, and is seemingly organic. We will let you work through that one on your own. Heh Heh.

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Got a couple of Dinobot focused episodes this week with 'The Probe' and 'Victory'. First, the Maximals finally wonder whats going on with Primal and his boys, and sends something to investigate. While the Maximals try to contact it, Dinobot has conflicted feelings about the whole thing, and then Tarantulus shows up with an ORB. Then in 'Victory' the Predacons totally 100 percent die, and the Maximals get ready to leave, but then they look in a hole and discover the truth. We also talk about Rattrap and his various boyfriends, this show's bizarre editing, ORBs.

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Life tried its best to prevent this episode from being made, but we won't go down that easily! Nero and Audrey do their best to recap two episodes of Beast Wars that they watched several weeks ago, before Events Occurred. Rattrap gets locked in with a malfunctioning security system and must do all kinds of cool stunts to turn it off. Then Optimus Primal decides he's tired of being nice, and instead opts to go Ape Shit. We rank the Predacons by intelligence, pair up Beast Wars characters with Disney princes, and wonder if love can bloom between a...

This week is all about (briefly) meeting new guys! Tigatron and Blackarachnia are here, and then remember they have other things to do and go away for a little bit. But man do they have great voices. Also we talk about how every single Predacon has some kind of bizarre fetish (ESPECIALLY TARANTULUS), Rattrap's toxic russy, Optimus Primal being gone off that robo-oxy, and how the only guy who seems to have the ear of the Maximal commander is the very recent Predacon turncoat, which doesn't exactly say great things about the rest of his soldiers.

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(Apologies in advance for Audrey's audio this episode. Due to mic issues we had to fall back on the recording bot.) This week, we start getting into what Beast Wars is most well known for; the slow roll of a mysterious ongoing plot involving strange structures and bizarre technology scattered across the planet. Oh, and Optimus Primal getting killed/seperated from his body/transcending somehow. That also happens a lot. Also discussed; Rhinox's massive chainguns, Tarantulus and Rattrap crack shipping, and how in the absence of a Starscream the average treachery level of all Decepticon/Predacon characters drastically goes...

This week, Daphnis from our Discord joins us to talk about episodes 3 and 4 of Beast Wars, both of which involve Cheetor being reckless and stupid. He is blown up by the dumbest Predacon alive, gets trapped in Tarantulus' BDSM dungeon, is struck by lightning several times, challenges the sky to a fight, and tries to fistfight an inanimate object. Not a great showing so far, Cheetor! Well anyway, we hope you all like our Beast Era intro music : ).

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We're finally back to get started on BEAST WARS, the most drastic revamping the franchise has ever been through. What if instead of cars and planes everybody turned into actual real animals? And instead of it looking bad because it was cheaply made, it looked bad because it was using cutting edge CGI technology? And what if there was an Autobot who was just a huge scummy asshole, who also turned into a rat? And what if Megatron was, you know...a little fruity with it? I won't pretend to have answers for all of those questions, but I...

We're back from hiatus! And now we're going on a second, longer hiatus! But before we do we have to wrap up Season 1 of G1. We discuss the incomparable clusterfuck of the Transformers televised debut, recap our favorite animation errors, hand out some end of season awards, and ponder alternate histories where G1 WASN'T the first Transformers show. And of course, Nero announces their pick for the next season. See you in March!

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Well we have finished our trek through G1's first season, which ended much as it began; shoddily animated, confusingly written, and absolutely fucking hilarious all the way through. Some big debuts in these episodes, with the fan favorite Constructicons making their presence known. It also has Starscream exhibiting WILD sicko behavior, and both Megatron and Optimus taking colossal Ls the whole way through. But don't worry, there are plenty of beautiful Autobot twinks (and Starscream) to take your mind off of how bad the animation is.

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Oh, let's see what Megatron got us for the holidays. Wow! It's the planet Cybertron encroaching on Earth's orbit and tearing it asunder! This week CNRN from our discord joins us to talk about The Ultimate Doom three part saga. This one really pulls out all the stops. We've got mind control chips, world ending disasters, Humans collaborating with Decepticons, and Seeker slapfights. Merry Christmas if you celebrate, and if not have a happy holiday season everyone!

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This week we're welcoming famous videosmith and bearer of iCarly knowledge Quinton Reviews on to talk all things Skyfire/Jetfire. 'Fire in the Sky' and 'Fire on the Mountain' are quite a pair of eps. The first one features some of the first real character lore we've had for this show, expanding on Starscream's past and giving his character new context, and ends on a rather melancholy note for the usually bonkers G1. The second one...well it's mostly just kind of wild, but it DOES feature Optimus Prime falling down a bunch of stairs several times! We discuss...

Audrey may hate it when I do it in the episode, but she can't stop me from doing Shrapnel's vocal tick in the description, description! This week the Dinobots go on strike, Wheeljack adopts two more sons, and there are a bunch of huge robot bugs in the jungle, jungle. How did the Autobots drive from Oregon to Bali, Bali? Why did Wheeljack forget to give Snarl a personality, personality? Does the insecticons being able to process organic matter mean they've eaten people, people? There are many questions, and we have a few of the answers this week on...

Due to some creative scheduling, our nonlinear history of Transformers is even more nonlinear than usual as we cover episodes 6 and 8 of G1. Some extremely iconic G1 stuff is established in these episodes, like the Dinobots. There's also some stuff that stuck in young fans minds so hard that it eventually BECAME iconic, like those colorful Starscream clones called the Rainmakers. And naturally the show can barely go five minutes without some kind of catastrophic animation error, like Skywarp being miscolored as both his teammates within the same scene. Anyway did you know that even with seat belts people...