The Patrauma Party - Heal from trauma, improve self worth, and learn to love yourself, dammit

It's the 3rd epi in my people-pleasing series! I have been DYING to know what human design really is, how it works, and if it can help us with people pleasing. Turns out, not only can it help, it can give you a map that shows exactly where your people pleasing started, how it works, and how you heal it. Human design expert and confidence coach Kelly Hughes joins me to show us the way.

Want to work with Kelly? Check out her incredible courses, and use code PATRAUMAPARTY at check-out for 10% off:

This is episode 2 in my people-pleasing deep-dive! One of our biggest fears as people-pleasers is speaking up for ourselves during conflict—it can literally make us feel like we're going to pass out from anxiety! So how do we move from the knee-jerk "Sounds good, no worries!" to a thoughtful, authentic: "Actually, here's what I need..."? In this epi, psychologist, author, relationship expert, and podcast host Dr. Tracy Dalgleish joins me to get into what's underlying our people-pleasing patterns, why people-pleasing actually leads to MORE conflict, and how we heal.

Looking for more episodes on people-pleasing? Try ep...

It's my first in a series on people pleasing! We're looking at it from all angles, starting with people-pleasing at work. We do it to stay safe, even to get ahead in our careers—but it's actually sabotaging our success! The problem is, half the time, we don't even know we're doing it, and the other half, we've people pleased before we even have a chance to think about what we're saying (soooo frustrating)! In this episode, executive coach, TED Talk speaker, and founder of Encourage Coaching, Katie O’Malley, joins me to talk about how we overcome the trau...

How do you know when it's time to end a friendship, or any relationship for that matter? How do you know when you're just being "dramatic," like your family of origin always told you you were, and when you're self-advocating and standing in your power? How do you balance healthy boundaries with healthy compassion, especially when a person's toxicity is coming from being abused themselves? In this episode, we're doing a deep dive into when it's time to call it quits, so that you can stop feeling drained and disrespected, and start feeling loved and cared for.

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We've all been there—trying to figure out the exact right way to phrase the text so we sound cool and aloof when actually we've been crying for the last two hours. Anxious attachment style can suuuckkkkk so bad because it's rooted in deep feelings of not being good enough, not trusting people, and not loving ourselves. But what if I told you there's nothing wrong with YOU? Not just to hype you up (which, I'm your forever hype girl), but literally, technically - anxious attachment is a *healthy* response to a *really unhealthy* situation. You're not f*cked up...

Being anxiously attached in a relationship is hard enough, but anxiously attached during a breakup?? The feelings of abandonment, the hopelessness, the sense that you'll never get your life back—it can be a real codependent spiral. In this episode, we dive into what the breakup process can look like for anxiously attached folks, what lies we tell ourselves in those dark moments, and what we need to know to get back in alignment with our TRUE selves.

Go ⁠⁠here if you'd like one-on-one coaching, a birth chart reading, or a tarot reading with Remy.

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A lot of times, we think the antidote to burnout is a nap or a vacay (which, no shade, we love a vacay) but a lot of us are struggling with burnout from our own—often *subconscious*—repeated behaviors like perfectionism, overachieving (in an attempt to feel worthy or valid), people pleasing, or not setting appropriate boundaries. AKA, the call is coming from inside the house. In this episode, I welcome therapist and yoga instructor Amanda Baker to join me as we get into all things burnout—what it looks like, the role our nervous systems play in it, and ho...

Do you ever get mad at yourself because you didn't hold a boundary? Are you SO over what a people pleaser you can be? Has anyone ever told you you need to respect yourself like they were talking to kindergartener and you STILL, to this day, carry that shame around with you? This is your epi, hunny. We're getting into the connection between people pleasing, boundaries, and self respect, and why self respect is actually a lot more complicated than your (kind of rude, TBH) friend realizes.

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Real talk—narcissistic mothers unleash a reign of terror over their kids, and for MANY of us, we don't even realize it for years and years! We may even adore, worship, and endlessly praise our mothers (which is what many narcissistic mothers groom their children to do BTW). The way it impacts our self-worth and ability to set boundaries is WILD. In this epi, I welcome coach and host of the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers podcast, ⁠Matilde Crocini,⁠ to get into what this abuse looks like, how it impacts us, and her 3-step process for recovering from it. (PS you can...

Literally romantic obsession SUCKS. The longing is so intense, and there's no way to satiate it. In this epi, we get into how your unmet childhood needs are feeding your limerence, how we work with them, and why self-love is both the key AND just the beginning.

Birth Chart Reading Giveaway Rules! Leave me a rating and review, screenshot it, post it on your Insta story, and tag me: @thepatraumaparty. If you leave it on Apple Podcasts, you'll get 3 entries. If you just do a rating on Spotify (since you can't do a review), you'll get 1 entry. W...

Anxiety isn't just about your thoughts, it's about whether or not you see *YOURSELF* as capable enough to handle life (OOF!). In this episode, I get into this and SO much more with anxiety expert Dr. Stephanie Lopez (you can check out her FREE training for ditching anxiety here).

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In this epi, we're getting into the symptoms of growing up without a parent who supported and hyped you up or even hugged you—it can show up allll over your life—AND we're getting into how we heal. (Don't worry—it's a huge heartache, but we're starting small.)

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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NBD just going through life feeling like you're always the problem because you weren't treated like you were good enough to be heard, seen, respected, or loved as a kid! In this episode, psychotherapist Kelly Lewis joins me for a deep dive: neglect, anxious attachment, conditional love, perfectionism, and having to earn approval—and how all of them are related to not feeling good enough. Plus we look at social factors like fatphobia, homophobia, racism, and sexism, and how THEY create the feeling that we're not good enough. We'll also look at growth & fixed mindsets and imposter syndrome, and th...

Are you feeling like you're always on the brink of a panic attack while a government of racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic oligarchs squeezes every last ounce of democracy out of our country? Then this one's for you.

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The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a subst...

Healing after a breakup suucckkks—the grief, the anger, the fear. In this episode, I sit down with somatic practioner Laurie James to talk about The 4 E's (we especially love "expel"), self-compassion post-breakup, and even breakups with friends and family.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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A lot of families don't take sibling abuse seriously—behavior they would never accept from a bully at school, they completely gloss over when it's happening at home. How do we heal from that trauma? And when it continues into adulthood, can we even mend the relationship with our sibling? In this episode, I coach Jackie through these questions, letting go of what isn't working so that she can reclaim her authentic self and integrate what was lost along the way.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.<...

Does your internal monologue ever sound like, "I'll never get better," "I'll never have the life I want," "I'll never fall in love"? Then this one's for you, baby! Learned helplessness is when we learn (often in abusive households growing up) that we don't have any control over the harm being done to us, so we just stop trying. We basically learn to be helpless. In this episode, somatic marriage and family therapist Katrina Foster joins me to talk through how learned helplessness impacts our lives and how we heal from the bottom up.

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After a sexual assault, you often spiral into a hole you feel you'll never come out of. In this episode, Rima writes in to ask for help with the feeling that she will be never the person she was before she was assaulted.

For clarity's sake, the phrase "sexual assault" is an umbrella term that applies to many experiences, including but not limited to rape. If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, you can reach out to RAINN at 800.656.HOPE (4673).

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So much of what we think about ourselves and the world is A. not helpful, and B. operating on automatic without our even knowing about it. If we think we're not good enough, not worthy of love, always going to be broke, never going to feel happy again, etc. etc., we're letting self-defeating beliefs run the show of our lives. In this episode, I'm joined by therapist and author Judith Belmont to talk about how we work with those self-defeating beliefs, so they don't work us.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or...

People keep telling Maggie to write gratitude lists to help her while she's struggling emotionally. But every time she tries to do it, she feels worse and sometimes even cries, which makes her feel like there's something wrong with her. Is there a part of her that's resisting happiness? or is there a problem with gratitude?

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Anyone else feel like they're not good enough for people to stand up for them? Anyone else get a hit of unworthiness when people don't have your back? In this episode, LCSW Sydney Linden joins to talk about the different ways it can look to go unprotected in childhood, what core beliefs it creates for us in adulthood, and what it looks like to heal.

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Chloe's father is a malignant narcissist, but now that he's dying, she's deeply wrestling with her decision to go no-contact. How can she truly be a loving, forgiving person if she refuses to be in contact with him? In this episode, we talk about healing the wounds of being in relationship with a narcissistic parent and redefining what "love" means when it's time to go no-contact.

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We think of empathy as always being a good thing, but like everything else, too much of a good thing can be toxic. I call "toxic empathy" (not a clinical term, BTW, just my term), the phenomenon that occurs when we empathize with others to the point that we can't feel our *own* feelings. We can't feel anger when people hurt us, or we order a cocktail we don't want because our friend doesn't want to drink alone, etc. etc. It robs us of our boundaries and our autonomy, often leading to self-abandonment. In this episode, I welcome marriage...

Teal grew up being super parentified by her addicted mother. The house was dirty, there wasn't food, her mom was at the bars, and Teal was in charge of her siblings. In this episode, we dig into the self-limiting beliefs around self-worth that resulted from Teal's struggle (the people pleasing, resentments, and lack of self-knowing) and look at what it means to heal.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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Duration: 00:58:59

A lack of encouragement in childhood leaves a deep mark on us—it can impact our sense of self-worth, of safety, of resiliance—you name it. Sometimes it's easy to see that we weren't encouraged, but for many of us, we don't even realize that it's at the root of many of our struggles. In this episode, I welcome writer and therapist Solasta McIntyre back to the show to talk us through how a lack of encouragement impacts children's developing brains, what the repercussions look like in adulthood, and how we heal.

If you'd like a one-on-one coac...

There are so many ways to approach healing the mother wound, and what works for one person won't necessarily work for someone else. That's why I was SOOOO excited to have hilarious comedian, internet star, badass feminist, daily meditator, mental health advocate, and sweet baby angel Toni Nagy on the show to talk about what her process has looked like in working through the mother wound (plus we get some dad stuff in there, too, so. humble brag).

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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Never heard of limerence? You know that feeling when you don't know if someone's into you, but you can't stop thinking about it, you get stuck in daydreams about them, and you're just waiting with bated breath for the next time they talk to you? It's that feeling of romantic obsession that keeps you stuck on people who don't reciprocate, and turns out—it's a trauma response. In this episode, clinical social worker and psychotherapist Amanda Ichihashi Jagerman joins the pod to talk about how limerence works, where it comes from, and how we overcome it.

If you...

Lucy writes in about being "discarded" by her ex-boyfriend who struggles with addiction. She wants to figure out why he's acting this way—she wants it to make sense. How do we navigate relationships like these?

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, coun...

It's not something you can slap a dinner party on and call it good. Chronic loneliness is often carried into adulthood from childhood—usually due to neglect. In this episode, I talk to psychotherapist Zara Neukom about how chronic loneliness starts, how it impacts our lives, and what it can look like to change from a lens of hyper self-reliance to one of mutual support.

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Many of us have been cheated on—but also, many of us had parents who cheated. In this episode, Robin writes in to share the trauma she experienced as a child around her dad's cheating, and the way it impacts her still as an adult. We talk about what our inner child needs in those moments, why our worthiness gets tanked when we're cheated on, and why learning that a partner is cheating is actually really helpful information.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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You know that feeling of being in trouble that makes you want to throw up? sob? jump out of your skin? It's really common, but especially when you grew up around dysregulated adults or were abused as a kid. It's not just emotionally exhausting, it also sends your body into emergency mode and can cause all kinds of illnesses (!!!). In this episode, somatic practitioner Veronica Rottman talks us through what lies beneath the feeling of being in trouble, how it affects us, and what it looks like to heal.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth...

After getting rejected from countless job interviews, Aaron started believing he was a failure, stuck in a rut that would never change. In this episode, we dig through the past to find and heal old beliefs, while looking for new ways of relating to the pain of rejection and lack of control.

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As a recovering people-pleaser, I can ONE HUNDRED PERCENT attest to the fact that we are motivated by fear. It's a survival tactic that tons of us learned to navigate abusive or chaotic childhoods. But the problem is that it doesn't end in childhood—we take people-pleasing into our friendships, our sex lives, our living situations, our professional spheres—literally everywhere. In this episode, I welcome therapist and people-pleasing coach Emily Nader to the pod to talk about people-pleasing without even knowing you're doing it (fuucckkkk), the connection between people-pleasing and anxious attachment, how we heal the instinct to peop...

After her painful, messy divorce, Erika is isolating from her friends. She doesn't want to be a burden on them or fail in her role as the "reliable" one. Together, we process the underlying emotions of feeling unchosen, unwanted, and unworthy.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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We're back! My hiatus has come to an end, and I'm jumping back in with psychotherapist and certified grief specialist Courtney Carver to talk about resilience—my brain's least favorite activity! (Big fan of despair, loves it). We get into why it's so important, what it looks like, and how TF we do it.

PS! There's a vulnerable moment in this epi that I almost cut out, but I decided to keep it because I think it can be easy to interpret resilience as not being impacted by trauma anymore or being "over it." I hope this fe...

Oh hi! More epis soon (like, very soon)! But in the meantime, please listen to my hate rant about my movers and also take this poll and LMK what you think about this new idea. TYYYY!

Just popping in to say what's up and give some updates. ALSO sharing some brief thoughts about everyone's favorite and least icky topic: shame. Feels like I left a long message into a friend's voicemail TBH—that's where we're at rn! More soon. x

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The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseli...

She's taking a break! This is my final epi before I head out for a few months (back in March), and I'm leaving you with some thoughts on resilience for your new year. May you wear something slutty as the ball drops, and I'll see you in 2024.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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Ughhhh. Getting honest with ourselves about our abandonment wound can give us all the ick. But did you know that your abandonment wound is actually a super intelligent response to abuse? and that it actually means your system is operating exactly as it should? In this episode, I welcome somatic practitioner Veronica Rottman to the show to talk about how the abandonment wound lives in the body and what it looks like to heal.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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Look. Our culture is bonkers when it comes to body image. There is no escaping the constant pressure to check a myriad of aesthetic-related boxes (thin, tall, young, blah blah blah), and it can feel like we can't really start our lives until we've [*insert prerequisite to living life here: lost 10 lbs, gotten clear skin, had a facelift, etc. etc.*]. And (FYI) if we've experienced trauma, we're at a greater risk of experiencing body image trauma, so. Fuck. How do we relinquish that need to control how people see us? And how do we heal that part of us...

Anyone else find themselves talking about men like they're a terrifying alien species? There's obviously a lot of cultural rhetoric around distrusting men ("men are dogs," "a good man is hard to find"), but even the quip is rooted in trauma. So when we're out there trying to heal from [*insert numerous possible traumas here: assault, betrayal, abuse, systemic misogyny, being over-sexualized, etc.*], and the trauma seems to get stacked one on the other in real-time—in our own lives *and* in the world around us—where do we even begin? In this episode, I welcome The Heartbreak Doula Tati...

Regret can absolutely take us down. It can diminish our resilience, hope, and faith in life. BUT—cool fact—it can also be a key tool in retrieving the parts of our authentic selves that we've lost along the way. In this episode, I welcome Renee Tate back to the pod to help us understand the ways we work through the pain of regret, and the ways we tap into the power of regret.

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Here's my stance: Sometimes we just ARE victims. There's no way around it. But sometimes we're coming from a place of "victim" or powerlessness without even knowing it—it's just a loop leftover from childhood that's still going on repeat, and it has us showing up as if we don't have choices, as if we have no agency, as if people or the world is out to get us, or as if it's all just too hard. This pattern is a true bummer because it holds us back in so many ways. In this episode, I welcome somatic behavioral th...

It's a big mamajama. The pain of not having a mother or caregiver who was present, tender, affectionate, wise, kind, warm—it becomes SUCH a pain source in our lives, seeping into our relationships, our ability to connect, our sense of self, our ability to open to abundance—you name it. In this episode, I welcome intuitive guide Bridget Nielsen to walk us through the impact of such a profound wound, and what deep healing can look like.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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Ughhhhh there are so many ways we can feel stuck—stuck in jobs, stuck in relationships, stuck in a situation that won't just go TF away, or even stuck in our own compulsive behavior that we can't seem to get a grip on. Behind that is such a deep sense of powerlessness, and for those of us who experienced chronic trauma, that powerlessness is second nature. In this episode, registered clinical counselor and psychotherapist Zara Neukom joins me to help us get to the root of these cycles and provide clarity on how to heal and get ourselves unstuck.

It's my 50th episode!!! [*Insert many emojis*] Thanks to everyone for coming along with me on this trauma ride—we out here healing! This week, I welcome clinical psychologist Dr. Lindsay O'Shea to the show to talk us through healing from trauma bonding in childhood and adult relationships—what those bonds look like, how they impact our mental health and attachment styles, and how we reclaim ourselves and leave these toxic cycles.

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Thank you for your patience! So many listeners have requested this topic. In this episode, I welcome Patruama Party listener and trauma-informed health coach Brittanie Pope to talk to us about her trauma being raised in the church—from disassociation, to shame, to losing trust. I also welcome licensed marriage and family therapist Willow Katz to the show to talk us through finding your center again, releasing shame, and learning the value of authenticity.

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In this episode, I answer questions about situationships, chronic negative self-talk, and my favorite movie!

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The contents of this podcast are provided for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you need to speak with a professional, you can find one local to you and reach o...

Anyone else want to crawl into a hole when this topic comes up? It is SO vulnerable and SO painful to talk about the times we've had suicidal ideation, but it's actually pretty common, and if you suffer from CPTSD, it's even more common. In this episode, I welcome my dear friend and the founder of yoga and wellness platform Coincide, Courtney Higgins, to have a real, honest conversation about what it looks like to go into that space, how we can work with those thoughts, and how we can help our friends who are having suicidal ideation. Also...

Boundaries are literally THE life lesson. Like, if we learn nothing else before parting with this earth, let us learn what the hell healthy boundaries are and how tf we maintain them. In this episode, I'm joined by consciousness guide Pam Curran to talk us through her take on healthy boundaries, why "You suck" is not a boundary (womp womp), and how we maintain what she calls "soul esteem" in our quest for healthy boundaries and healthy relationships. PLUS, she introduces the toxic communication pattern of DARVO to the pod. BLEW MY MIND. Here's a case study in case...

Turns out we all do it and turns out it's no buens. Not only does it make us feel like shit, but it also puts a huge strain on relationships. Not to mention the fact that sometimes taking something personally can lead us to deep depression and suicidal ideation. In this episode, I welcome marriage and family therapist Renee Tate back to the pod to talk about why we do it, how it impacts our lives, and how we heal.

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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Cool fact: One time when I was like 16, I painted a girl looking terrified while someone covered her mouth with their hand so she couldn't speak. WHAT?? I'd forgotten about it completely until I was recently combing through old photos and was like: WOWWWWW this is f*cked. So many of us grew up feeling like we were invisible, powerless, and voiceless, and then we grew up and came to feel exactly the same way—it impacts our relationships, our communication, everything. In this episode, I welcome licensed clinical social worker, spiritual herbalist, and tarot reader Nat Strafaci to th...

We're not talkin' nostalgia, baby! Emotional flashbacks happen when we experienced ongoing abuse as children, and then we get a whiff of that experience as adults, (like, maybe you hear people yelling in the apartment next door or someone takes a long time to text you back (in the case of neglect or abandonment)) and suddenly our emotional state is F*CKED. The crazy thing is how often we have these flashbacks *without ever knowing that that's what's happening*—and instead of taking care of our post-traumatic stress, we go into a shame spiral thinking we're fucked up and cr...

Emotional neglect! Just rolls off the tongue. It's a fun form of trauma that doesn't get the fanfare it deserves (all y'all out there searching CPTSD and anxious attachment style while emotional neglect is just over here alone in the corner ). But seriously—it's a tough topic to talk about because it's the *absence* of a thing. It's what *didn't* happen. And so it often goes unnoticed and unhealed, when actually the effects of emotional neglect go SUPER deep and show up all over our lives. In this episode, I welcome back intuitive healer and coach Jess Taylor to ta...

DEEP BREATH. Let me just start by saying, I HATE the term "daddy issues." It's SO sexist and misogynistic that men abuse their daughters, and then women become the ones who are shamed for it. So if you're feeling stigmatized for struggling emotionally because of your relationship (or lack thereof) with your dad, please know that you can let go of that shame. You aren't responsible for the abuse visited upon you, AND—when we're hurt right at the center of us—it's imperative that we get honest about how it's impacted us so that we can grow out of t...

Sigh. We've all done it. We do it all the time. We do it in our relationships, in our search for relationships, with body image, in our careers: "If only I had this thing, I'd be happy. I'd be okay." Such a fuckin bummer. In this issue, I'm joined by somatic therapist and NLP coach Michelle Keinan to get to the root of why we do this and what it looks to heal so that we can finally feel whole within ourselves.

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It already sucks to be broke, but for a lot of us, there's a lot more to money trauma than that. There's the feeling that you're not safe, the feeling that God or The Universe has abandoned you, the feeling of depression associated with money scarcity. In this episode, I welcome trauma psychologist and leadership coach Isha Vela to the show to talk about the connection between money trauma and relationship trauma, the somatic approach to understanding money fears, and how we heal our relationship to money.

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Hold up, wait a minute! [Insert Salt 'n Pepa rap] DO YOU KNOW ABOUT INTERMITTENT REINFORCEMENT??? It basically explains why we get stuck in relationships with people who treat us like human ball sacks! You guys. It's science. It's real. Lab rats were involved. And we HAVE to address it if we want to find relationships (romantic, platonic, professional—you name it) that actually meet our needs and make us happy. (Pro tip: Are you anxiously attached? Yes? Then you're even MORE likely to stay in relationships that involve intermittent reinforcement.) In this episode, I welcome licensed therapist and yo...

Turns out there's healthy guilt (like when you realize you need to apologize for something) and unhealthy guilt (like when your parents make you feel like shit for holding them accountable). When guilt is weaponized against us, especially as children, it can turn into shame, and shame can—and WILL—turn into a whole clusterfuck of mental health bummers. In this episode, I welcome psychotherapist Allison Ly to the show to talk us through reclaiming a healthy relationship to guilt.

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Literally how does anyone survive dating—it's truly the worst. And if you're insecurely attached, it's straight up a minefield of triggers waiting to take you down. Then there's the alternative: never dating anyone—also terrible!! In this episode, I welcome somatic psychotherapist and coach Felicia Keller Boyle (@the_bad_therapist) to get into peak dating nightmare: BEING GHOSTED! (dun Dun DUN!) alongside the trauma of being single for like, ever.

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Mmmmm... that cool feeling that you're gonna claw someone's eyes out and smile while doing it. Jealousy sucks. It makes us feel powerless, and insecure, and it brings up all our shit. In this episode, I welcome licensed clinician Andrea Brognano to talk about why jealousy feels so shameful, what lies underneath it, and how we heal. 

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We're mixing things up! This week, I welcome the creator and host of the Other Men Need Help podcast, Mark Pagán, onto the show to join me in a conversation about the deep and enduring bummer that is toxic masculinity. We talk about objectification, shame, hyper-independence, the male ego—and get into what's helped us work through the pain points so we're not sitting around traumatized af (and traumatizing others as a result).

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Truly, shocks should be illegal unless they involve large sums of money mysteriously appearing—NO FUCKING THANK YOU to shocking violence, betrayal, death, life transitions—the list goes on. In this episode, I welcome therapist, artist, and soft boi amateur poet Solasta McIntyre to the show to get into how shocks impact our mental health, the way shock and grief work together, and how we move through shocks without shutting down and telling the world to ef off forever. 

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TRUST: WTFFFFFF. Like what? You can believe a person is 100% on your team while they just straight up lie to your face?? WHY DOES THIS GET TO BE AN OPTION?? In this episode, I'm joined by licensed professional counselor and CEO of Apple Tree Counseling LLC, Michelle Kauble, to talk about how betrayed trust impacts our mental health, what we do with the heartbreak of broken trust, and how we can work with trust in healthy ways as we let those traumatizing relationships and situations fade our rearviews.

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Turns out perfectionism can look all kinds of ways, including not doing anything because you won't be perfect at it! It's honestly a total mind fuck that keeps you in situations you don't like and exhausted from all the effort. (It will come as no surprise that perfectionists were pretty much always exposed to some kind of trauma early on.) In this episode, I talk with marriage and family therapist Robyn McKenzie about what it looks like, why it happens, and how we fix it (but like, not in a perfectionism way, just in a chill, super-gentle-with-ourselves way).  

It should be easy, right? We just ask ourselves what we want or what we feel, and voila! But for a lot of us, that gauge got effed up somewhere along the way. So, after we've made a decision we regret, after we've become knee-jerk people pleasers, after we were gaslit for years and came to doubt our instincts, after parentification, narcissistic abuse, or other CPTSD-inducing forms of abuse—how do we start to trust ourselves again? How do we make decisions in our own best interest? This week, registered psychotherapist, and founder and clinical director of New Moon Ps...

Vulnerability is literally the lifeline between you and all joy, and yet, simultaneously, it's fucking TERRIFYING AND TRAUMATIZING. Wth?? In this episode, Doctor of Clinical Psychology and The Anti-Soulmate Love Coach, Kari Lu Cowell (email: antisoulmatelove@gmail.com), joins me to sort through how we work with vulnerability in ways that feel safe for us, what it looks like to trust *ourselves* with vulnerability, and whether anger is really a secondary emotion that we hide our vulnerabilities under or if it's just another gateway to connection (OR BOTH). ALSO! The book Kari was thinking of is called Eloquent Rage...

Ever feel like drop-kicking people? and then rolling their bodies into a kiddie pool of dog poo? and then spraying them with a firehose every time they try to get out? and then yelling, "You look great!" while taking their picture? Then this one's for you, baby. In this episode, I welcome licensed marriage and family therapist Neda Ehya to the pod to talk about working through—and working *with*—resentments. 

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Just when you thought you'd learned all there was to know... In this episode, psychotherapist Amanda Ichihashi Jagerman joins me to dive back into the conversation on parentification: how it affects our attachment styles, the impact it has on our central nervous system, and how, as adults, we can interact in a healthy way with the parents who parentified us. 

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Literally betrayal is just a fucking nightmare. Cheating, lying, backstabbing—they just send you into a new, shit reality where suddenly there's no ground beneath your feet. But did you know that from a psychological standpoint, child abuse is also considered betrayal?? And that it can set you up to allow betrayals (of all kinds) into your life as an adult? That's just one of many things that mental health therapist and licensed clinical social worker Emma Bridges and I cover in this episode, along with how it affects our attachment styles, what self-limiting beliefs we create to survive it...

It's honestly a very chill feeling. It's like: I'm too much. My feelings are too big. They make people reject me. And so I'll never be loved! Cool cool cool. In this episode, I welcome marriage and family therapist Sarah Breunig back to the pod to talk about transforming out of the heartbreaking belief that we're too much.

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Parentification and emotional incest are considered "invisible" forms of abuse because they often go unnoticed, but the repercussions are, to be frank, a huge bummer. In this episode, I welcome psychotherapist Amanda Ichihashi Jagerman to walk us through what parentification is, how it affects us as adults (cough *no boundaries* cough *lack of identity* cough *depression* cough cough), and how we get on the path to healing from it. 

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So there's PTSD (you've probably heard of it), but there's also Complex PTSD—where you experience trauma over months or years. It's like PTSD for overachievers (*sob emoji*). In this episode, I sit down with marriage and family therapist Renee Tate to talk about the symptoms of Complex PTSD and how we shift out of that toilet bowl of sadness.

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We all know fight or flight, some of us know freeze—but did you know about fawning? It's a whole new way to respond to trauma (weeeee!). It usually starts in childhood when we learn from our parents or caregivers that it isn't safe to say no, assert our needs, or fight back. Then we bring it into adulthood and—lo and behold—we can't stand up to people, even people who abuse us (*collective "fuuuuckkkk"*). In this episode, I'm joined by psychotherapist Liz Marks to talk about healing the fawning trauma response.

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Did you know we have different personalities (aka "parts") in our heads battling it out with each other and our "selves" all the time?? In this episode, IFS therapist Carissa Aresta joins me to talk about Internal Family Systems—what it is, how it works, and how we use it to dismantle shame and fear and get on the self-love train—plus she demos for us! Side note: I cry in this epi!! You've been warned.

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OOF. One of the hardest things in working on yourself is being like: Maybe this is actually about me? In this episode, I'm joined by somatic Enneagram coach and co-host of The Enneagram Typecast podcast, Caryn Berley. We get into what the shadow is, how it shows up personally and culturally, and how we work with it so it doesn't work us.

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TW: This episode talks about physical assault. 

Feeling unsafe from childhood, feeling unsafe in your body, feeling unsafe in your country—it's all fucked, and it can affect every single aspect of your adult life. In this episode, I'm joined by intuitive healer and coach Jess Taylor to talk about the root of feeling unsafe and what we can do to shift it.

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Nothing like showing up to the party of life with the overwhelming feeling that people don't really love you! So cool, so chill. In this episode, I get down into the depths of feeling unwanted, unloveable, and disposable with psychotherapist Solasta McIntyre (therapywithsme@gmail.com).

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Did you know the patriarchy is the root of capitalism (ie your rent doubling overnight and forcing you to post TikTok vids of yourself crying while packing), colonialism (sup Puerto Rico! sup Hawaii!), misogyny (mmm.... a spiritual organization teaching us that women are evil! so spiritual right now! and totally unrelated to our insane rape statistics and maniacal abortion laws!), and white supremacy (shout out to ICE for sterilizing brown women at the border without their consent! shout out to every police officer who's shot an unarmed black person—AND THEN GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT). The patriarchy isn't an ab...

Grief can look so many ways—from chronic childhood pain, to breakups, to the recent loss of Roe v. Wade. In this episode, I'm joined by psychotherapist Kevin Brody to talk about integrating grief and allowing joy after a significant loss.

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Even if you weren't around for a traumatic event, you could still be experiencing aspects of the trauma that have been passed down from generation to generation. In this episode, I'm joined by marriage and family therapist Renee Tate to talk about how intergenerational trauma works and how we heal it.

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What's up to all my anxiously attached homies! WOW is it a bummer to constantly fear abandonment in all our relationships. BUT—cool fact: Like the other insecure attachment styles, anxious attachment can be healed. In this epi, I'm joined by psychotherapist Rachel Holzberg to talk about how we move toward secure attachment and away from the despair and loneliness of anxious attachment. 

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The first eight years of your life are the most important in wiring your brain and establishing how you feel about yourself and the world around you. If you felt rejected by your parents, that wiring will stay with you for the rest of your life (NBD, just forever) unless you actively work to unlearn the coping mechanisms you took on as a child. In this epi, I'm joined by psychotherapist Liz Marks to talk about the different, sometimes subtle ways parental rejection can look, how it shows up in our lives as adults, and how we can let...

This week, I'm joined by Manhattan Wellness associate therapist Eliza Davis to get into shame—how it gets passed down, how to know you're experiencing it, what it does to the body, and how to work your way out of that shame spiral of doom.

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Narcissism #2! 'Cause it's a doozy. Therapist Jon Lee rejoins the pod to go even deeper in the discussion of healing from narcissistic abuse, covering topics like implicit memories and reflexive responses after narcissistic abuse, overcoming perfectionism, internal fragmentation & compartmentalization, healing techniques that go deep, and more. 

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UGH, why is it so scary to set a boundary?? In this episode, I talk with therapist Jennifer Teplin of Manhattan Wellness about healing that fear at the source so it stops effing up our lives.

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The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, co...

Romance can be a minefield, let's be honest. In this episode, I'm joined by marriage and family therapist Jasmine Eddy to unpack the trauma of romantic rejection.

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The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you need t...

Ever encounter a narcissist? What a monumental shitshow that is. In this episode, I talk to trauma therapist Jon Lee about the traits of narcissists and people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the trauma of cultural narcissism, and healing from narcissistic abuse from parents and partners. Please Note: I mistakenly misgendered Jon during the recording; Jon's preferred pronouns are they/them.

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Sometimes we're coming from a codependent place and we don't even know it! And if you grew up in a dysfunctional household, chances are you took on codependent behaviors just as a means of survival. In this epi, I'm joined by marriage and family therapist Sarah Breunig to talk about healing the trauma of codependence.

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This week, I dig into the massive bummer that is the absolutely MAGNETIC attraction between people with anxious attachment style (generally, people who feel super anxious about relationships and connection) and avoidant attachment style (generally, people who are emotionally unavailable for relationships and connection). I'm joined by artist, therapist, and disco lover for life Solasta McIntyre (therapywithsme@gmail.com) to look at why we do what we do, what's behind the dynamic, and how to heal.

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For traumatized folks, it can feel like life is a predator, and you are the prey. In this episode, I sit down with therapist, writer, and spiritual mentor Liz Hummer to talk about regaining faith in the goodness of life when your anxious brain is wired for fear and despair.

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Real talk: Motherhood can be SO. EFFING. HARD. In this episode, I dig into the trauma of motherhood with the founder and CEO of Mothership Rising, Laura Emanuel. 

If you'd like a one-on-one coaching session, birth chart reading, or tarot reading with Remy, go ⁠⁠here.

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The information provided on this podcast is for informational purposes only. None of the material presented is intended to be a substitute for psychotherapy, counseling, professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you...

From affirmations to visualizations to gratitude lists, manifestation culture (*cough, The Secret, cough cough*), has been making anxious and traumatized people feel like doomed spiritual invalids for A MINUTE. In this epi, I talk with intuitive healer and manifestation coach Jess Taylor (soulhealingwithjess.com) about manifestation for people who try to visualize a flowing stream but end up visualizing a car crash instead (weeeee!!!).

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...

Unpredictable rage, emotional enmeshment, lack of boundaries. This week, I dig into the trauma of being raised in chaotic environments— specifically with parents who have Borderline Personality Disorder—along with therapist, writer, and spiritual mentor Liz Hummer.

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This week, I welcome psychotherapist Julia Willinger to talk about Texas' new anti-abortion law, SB8, and mental health hacks for laws that target us. 

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Who, what, why, and all the things.