That Checks Out

The guys discuss how Debra’s herpes comparatively have little effect on you getting your McNuggets, when stovetop flatulence needs to be addressed in your dating video, and why you should never exit your vehicle on the overpass to intervene in an abduction. 

The guys discuss why the best way to avoid eating dry cereal is to get yourself two VR headsets, when curbside vending truly defines the wealth of a rural community, and how a total unwillingness to pay the pizza delivery girl almost always results in death. 

The guys discuss how a birthday celebration where the pig skins were completely irrelevant lead to them "banging", when an extremely strong orifice and an ill-advised lift ends a first date with an ER visit and broken fingers, and why there is no breathalyzer needed once you see the aviators and Barbie Jeep.

The guys discuss how Google Maps grossly overstates the availability of commercial air travel, when a strategically placed bagel and raincoat automatically grants you additional vacation time, and why a coworker hugging a printer all but guarantees the demise of an entire room full of puppies. 

The guys discuss how late fees will still accrue even after grandma has passed, when a missing chair unlocks supernatural abilities in the realm of seating arrangements, and why Damon will never be kicked out of any public pools.

The guys discuss how “anywhere” has an approximate range of thirty feet, when sleepwalking in the proximity of a Puracchio could result in bodily injury or maybe even death, and why you cannot acquire 2600 liters from one single milking session.

The guys discuss why once a discount is initiated on a used cot it is no longer necessary to disclose the terms of the prison sentence, when a burka and Air Jordans almost always guarantee a disqualification, and how science supports a very high percentage of sleeping koalas are extremely horny. 

The guys discuss how it costs Google $12,000 per wang on their maps, when the proper location of a Brazilian break room can foil any escape attempt, and why it’s a terrible idea to give monkeys the high ground. 

The guys discuss why it’s imperative you wait for the train to stop completely  before disembarking to prevent a tiger mauling, when allowing your husband to pack your parachute is an awful idea, and how an expression of praise to acknowledge good behavior or obedience might get you punched in the face. 

The guys discuss how many meters of pizza guarantee no dessert, when a bowl of ice cream might result in a broken hand, and why you should never hold your dad’s hand on the 4th of July. 

The guys discuss how a paternity test was almost needed at Catfish Daaaaaayyyyyyzzzz, when only one breast is permitted at a Kentucky water park, and why being unaware AND stupid is far more lucrative than 34 years of wrongful imprisonment. 

The guys discuss how one Japanese sticker can initiate a roundabout on any given roadway, when a dog’s brick is worse than his bite, and why a 3:00 A.M. bathroom break could lead to a felony if not executed chronologically. 

The guys discuss how much you should expect to spend on a photo to assure that icing will not desecrate the autograph, when the matching bracelets from your first date mean so much more than the felonies they represent, and why having an extra "cat cubby" will seem monumental when abandoning your newborn and the bin is full of teenagers.

The guys discuss how Spanish sand castles can incur fines, when Swiss urination violates noise ordinances, and why the Australian roll call process is extremely flawed. 

The guys discuss how an amphibian can ruin your cornflakes, when a trip to DUI court ignites a passion for the overpriced wig industry, and why your ability to get a $1.50 hot dog does not entitle you to domestic flights. 

The guys discuss how court ordered restrictions can negatively affect the sale and distribution of cookies, when digging a new canal is more fiscally responsible than ordering a second remote, and why fecally adhered stickers is the leading cause of death in house fires. 

The guys discuss how the perfect pot of coffee paved the way for infant safety, when the best way to find love is to attend as many funerals as possible, and how a realtors disclosure of porch bites is not necessary when listing a property. 

The guys discuss why you can never have too many airbags when there’s a goat in the car, how $200 will not only get Nana a box but also a cosmetic touch-up, and when having a loving husband willing to crap in your driveway can save you $17,500 for a night out. 

The guys discuss how in the 1950’s you could hijack an aircraft every two years with zero repercussions, when a couples retreat to a horse ranch will boost your husband’s confidence, and why stalactites and stalagmites without a tram will kill your reviews. 

The guys discuss why it’s a good idea to keep the interior of your Chevy Cruze clean in the slim chance you may encounter a silverback gorilla, when violent flailing is the ONLY possibility of summoning a lifeguard, and  how gambling on incontinence requires a thorough rinse between rounds. 

The guys discuss why your wedding dinner on the L train tastes so salty, when location can supersede infidelity in a Yelp review, and how “Drop Hog”  has become a real threat to the zipper industry as we know it. 

The guys discuss why a social media HIPAA Law is necessary, when Ciabatta bread is the most romantic path to fresh air, and how Damon will never be more bangable than a muppet. 

The guys discuss why sometimes a second helicopter ride is necessary while trying to find your cell phone, when an improperly supervised child can cause a urinary tract infection, and how all doggie doors are not “Exit Only”. 

The guys discuss what might be the world’s most dangerous apple tree, how many pool balls you can ingest and NOT clog the toilet, and why filling all the holes of your marriage with a donut means you must close up shop for at least one hour a day. 

The guys discuss why you should always secure all penguins pre-flight, when changing altitudes all but guarantees a victory in bear racing,  and how keeping your eggs and car keys in the same pocket of your wetsuit is a huge mistake.

The guys discuss how staying in one room can greatly improve your memory, when a request for unwashed flatulence will result in fornication, and why most Egyptian tombs smell like Chicago style hotdogs. 

The guys discuss why alliteration was absolutely imperative during 18th century sexting, when an ear-piercing Hawk on a minibike is your best chance at exoneration, and how 4 1/2lbs of corned beef and several potatoes instantly becomes a single serving if not labeled properly. 

The guys discuss why insufficient adult relations can make for very stale sandwiches, when nailing down a toilet can save you approximately $6,000,000, and how orally inspecting orangutans can eliminate the need to change the locks. 

The guys discuss how surviving a barrel plunge does not make you impervious to the power of citrus, when a stereotypical look guarantees you a full climax at the end of the rainbow, and why it is always better to encounter a single shark than a pod of dolphins. 

The guys discuss why having multiple snacks straddle your lap is no longer an issue, how Damon will definitely injure his hands attending German operas, and what are the only two acceptable instances to acknowledge a “final notice” warning. 

The guys discuss what might possibly be the most disturbing way to “capture” a new roommate, when a perfectly arranged bedroom can guarantee foreign relations every night, and how the ending to every high speed chase in Germany may or may not result in a pant-less driver. 

The guys discuss why wearing two flashlights when jogging makes you more likely to be hit by a car, when an extra “I” can save you $13,000,000, and how a bronze penguin pecker doesn’t necessarily fit the decor of every room. 

The guys discuss why Italian vampires constantly over season their marinara, when five cents worth of banana will literally double your dessert profits, and how Persian Pizza is the only acceptable pre-war meal for the warrior not counting calories. 

The guys discuss why you should NEVER share a communion wafer with Damon, when achieving proper feng shui requires placing the TC directly in the crevice, and how easily badgers can fill up when devouring an impressive hog. 

The guys discuss how a renaissance man could knock a soldier off a horse at 100 yards without using an arrow, why a ménage a trios with a Sasquatch will cost you your alimony, and when a 6 year old “farmer” cancelled Valentine’s Day for the entire school. 

The guys discuss why you have to set your manager down to make eggs above Niagara Falls, when a sarcastically smiling moon only adds humor to an otherwise indescribable morning, and how there’s no copay for at home dentistry. 

The guys discuss how Polish anti-tank mines no longer come with directions, why even with Damon’s relentless questioning of the male anatomy he still cannot comprehend Bandaid wrappers, and when tranquilizing is NOT the worst thing you can do to an alligator. 

The guys discuss how it’s just proper etiquette (and an excellent fighting strategy) to apologize prior to punching your wife in the knees and taking her sack of rocks, when being a whore can save you a trip to the grocery store, and why choosing the correct bathing suit is imperative when pulling 9Gs to keep all your teeth.

The guys discuss how garlic butter without mushrooms is not enough to justify homicide, why it’s necessary for goat costumes to be made of Kevlar during outdoor sexy time, and when Damon’s face nestled securely in your bosom is the key to safe travel. 

The guys discuss how whale milk can lead to a beautiful smile, when impersonating a ghost only delays the rescue mission, and why Damon believes voluntarily remaining poor the rest of his life is in his breast interest. 

This is an episode of enlightenment for the guys as Ted discovers he’s going to be a father again, Damon discovers previously unexplored visual equipment,  and Mac discovers Chuck AND Zack are indeed the very same person. 

The discuss how long is “too long” to leave your baby unattended in a gas station freezer, when your van’s paint job is totally irrelevant once the mattress is both greasy AND wet, and why a Chinese person apparently wouldn’t name their fish Todd. 

The guys discuss why it’s always best to survey the husband after vacations to avoid negative feedback, how giving your heart is no longer the absolute best way to show your commitment to a relationship, and where you can take Damon for an entire weekend to roam amongst the people completely unfiltered. 

The guys discuss what is quite possibly the best way to compliment strangers at the beach, how Belgian sand is apparently so much easier on flip flops, and why Damon believes the internet consists only of emails from his wife. 

The guys discuss why a single Danish covered in cinnamon isn’t always necessarily delicious, how an adolescent chimney sweep can commandeer royal undies, and when a “take home” squad car is a prerequisite for employment. 

The guys discuss why you’ll never see an orangutan cashing his paycheck, how lanyard usage actually defines your very existence, and when the cleanliness of a wall cleaned by a one gloved individual assures you’ll be having the lasagna. 

The guys discuss why it’s extremely dangerous to have a mole on your face in an Amsterdam airport, when helping to keep someone’s tortoise dry can be very lucrative, and how catastrophic it is to be mildly deaf with a lack of friends at an air show. 

The guys discuss how military grade clean sidewalks could be banned in this country at any time, how it only took 7” for an Indian man to capture a world record, and why towing cars and preventing stab wounds to the groin are most important when choosing the proper pants.

The guys discuss how office buildings in Norway have posted speed limits in the hallways, when spending $1,000,000 on a property still won’t get you a basement, and why a $400 loophole is guaranteed to destroy your German “warehouse”. 

The guys discuss why a third comma is necessary to summon a genie, when a total disregard for your chestnuts can lead to championships, and how a magical pill can make chili night more romantic. 

The guys discuss why an uncut whopper with mayo can get you arrested, when a $12 an hour career change means you’ll never be far from the beach, and how  it’s entirely possible to fight an entire war on your lunch break. 

The guys discuss why an unverified “Code 3” will get a hero banned from retail establishments, what the two most essential items to keep fresh in Tupperware are to properly welcome home a soldier from war, and when sleeping with the warden’s sister while coaching kids soccer can’t prevent a collect call from “My Bad”. 

The guys discuss how and uncomfortable doctor undoubtedly ruined medicine for generations to come, when being sarcastically honest on a job application can super-size your career, and why an aggressive goldfish named Larry might never be found. 

The guys discuss when extensive eye contact can destroy an entire restaurant, why it is imperative to list your address and full daily itinerary when attempting to find your lost  house keys, and how 260 miles of tandem nudity is worth approximately $6,000.00 worth of self confidence. 

The guys discuss why it’s so important to order your wedding album in paperback, how it’s not insulting to guess a woman’s age if you use a 20 year window, and when it’s necessary to specify what is NOT to be your eternal nickname before you die in a hole. 

The guys discuss how autocorrect can totally impede an entire canine search party, why a bedazzled butter dish will totally clash with your leftover soufflé, and when a four egg omelette can cost a whopping $10,000. 

The guys discuss how to Target the right sultry stuffed snowman for good time, why having one kidney and limited vacation days always results in a career change, and when ONE strike, ZERO balls, and well manicured neck beard makes you royalty.

The guys discuss why it's so important to hide your laughter when strange toddlers get injured, how landscapers cannot be held accountable to mow while they’re mourning, and when you cannot find an old person in a room full of 48 year old people. 

The guys discuss when a notary is necessary to buy booze, why it’s plausible to get robbed by 3 out of every 4 people while on a spiritual retreat, and how Damon believes he could be the “king of the jungle” if given a fair fight. 

The guys discuss exactly what is the best invention to keep your apples and frying pans from falling under your couch,  how French business students can quench your thirst and yet still leave you sticky, and why a 2014 Hyundai Genesis guarantees you both a good time and a settlement. 

The guys discuss how most panda cubs can be both discarded and delicious, when the child delivering a brand new moonstone rock to your door is not covered by the $4.00 purchase protection, and why it’s imperative that you take your bike with you to the top of Mt. Everest so you don’t have to walk back home to Sweden. 

The guys discuss how to measure the bookcase-to-beer ratio properly while bartering, when porch pirating a big screen tv results in extreme frustration and disappointment unless you’re into cardio, and how the magic of four wheel drive has enabled the disabled to enjoy majestic views.

The guys discuss what cologne is the most dangerous to wear within 2,640 feet of big cats, how a SWAT Team souvenir is merely a down payment on a new front door, and why it’s necessary to cancel your flight when the pilot pulls up in Ford Focus. 

The guys discuss when infidelity can turn deadly if you refuse to look up, how a slow friend is not to be used as a speed bump when running from a bear, and why an overworked robot who’s never invited to happy hour should be denied access to stairwells. 

The guys discuss how according to Instagram it’s “nearly” impossible to fit two dozen contact lenses in your eyes, why a 30 minute bathroom break on your first day will result in a coworker kicking the door in, and when 17 cans of stolen Pringles and a getaway bike will get you a six month jail sentence. 

The guys discuss why the proper sneaker/ski mask selection is so important while “working” naked, when “taking a bite out of crime” still doesn’t constitute owning a grenade launcher, and how “hump enhancement” all but guarantees your camel will be disqualified from competition. 

The guys discuss when an expensive car accident necessitates canceling the family barbecue, why holding a horse above your head while looking a mile in both directions makes you irresistible to the ladies, and how mislabeled exercise equipment immediately becomes delicious to a koala bear. 

The guys discuss how if you wear the same underwear from your 16th birthday until the day you die you will be a billionaire, when a bear will travel 125 miles just to destroy your Honda if he hates you enough, and why kindergarten drop off can be the most imperative step to becoming a successful tech magnate. 

The guys discuss why Father’s Day shopping is never complete without a trip to an avian establishment, when it’s absolutely imperative to sleep in gloves on a commercial flight, and how terrible aim lead to the creation of an infamous  list of records. 

The guys discuss how timing is everything when picking up 80lbs of free frozen soup, why any novel read by a Russian scientist in Antarctica instantly becomes a murder mystery, and when a sketch of a Mets game can automatically exonerate the defendant. 

The guys discuss why it’s imperative you never leave your “round disks of concrete” around Swedish chimps, how being bald leads to a much greater chance of reptilian concussions, and when enjoying a premature bear kabob triggers brain worms. 

The guys discuss when is the best time to weed whack to prevent losing your tank, how rattlesnakes are completely indifferent when it comes to metal poles and a boot, and why becoming a lumberjack can only help your odds of eventually becoming an obstetrician. 

The guys discuss how $0.15 used to get your baby a ride on the mail truck, what are the absolute two most important things to protect when you’re hired as a hit man by an estranged husband, and why you should always bring a picnic basket to the pound when attempting to adopt a puppy in China. 

The guys discuss why you’d never hug a Siberian bear hunter goodbye when he leaves, how an Asian mouse statue in Russia serves as a reminder of lives lost, and when even a plexiglass fortified meth store can’t bring your stepbrother back. 

The guys discuss when a $35 t-shirt and front row seats can’t guarantee a laugh, how buying a gorilla at a Halloween party will get you prison time, and why a hot glue gun and a dream is detrimental to the battery industry. 

The guys discuss when a pizza place is “kinda closed” right now, how when a wife misses her husband (6 times) it results in a huge headache, and why you should never prematurely terminate a hunt for lost chop sticks. 

The guys discuss how lack of regular physical exertion can lead to a trifecta of near death experiences, when a trip to Canada can get you in an ambulance and the Guinness World Record Book, and why Coca-Cola and endless hams leads to gator obesity. 

The guys discuss exactly what is the most important item to pack when skydiving, why having an opinion while working retail in Scotland requires wearing a helmet, and how if 2 sailors can scrape up a sign no title is necessary to transfer ownership of a WWII submarine. 

The guys discuss why all Mountain Dew should be opened by day 29, how owning a boat directly relates to an endless supply of free goats, and when a “First Name” salutation assures an effective recruitment campaign. 

The guys discuss how to enjoy a meal on an unstable surface, when violating a statue makes you fertile, and why a brown notebook can literally halt the waffle distribution in Tennessee. 

The guys discuss how the calendar can dictate entertainment, why it’s important to jump ahead almost an hour today, and when you realize you’ve been had knowing you sometimes just gotta sing along. 

The guys discuss how smoking in birdcages is next to impossible yet eating a sandwich is not, why being a healthy Frolfer makes you way more popular during wedding season, and when removing your wide-brimmed hat assures you a free fifty pound Tarpon.

The guys discuss how Damon’s saved soul qualifies him as a hero, when “six to a stick” is the only acceptable measurement for a green coaster on your table, and why turtle tunnels are essential in preventing train derailment.  

The discuss how flexible scheduling only guarantees frustration and not employment, why they will never put ATMs in funeral homes,  and when a dog tossed over the fence to a polar bear will definitely be be caught with left hand and get you free admission. 

The guys discuss how  a pizza party makes every bank robbery more memorable, why swimming with pants on is imperative when you have a shellfish allergy, and when it’s justified to shoot a bear with an “alleged” drug problem. 

The guys discuss what’s the actual probability of being shot at 300 yards by a girthy bush, why you would never brag about the 30 acres you inherited from your Uncle Roland, and how path proximity is crucial when sounding the alarm for the leash police. 

The guys discuss who really benefits from having a fake family member at times, why a departed loved one should only expect a heavenly high five, and how a reckless semi driver can unknowingly reach hero status in the wake of his chaos. 

The guys discuss how you never use the first beak when pulling an accurate measurement, why you can't expect 145 tons of black market chicken to be any cooler than room temperature, and when is the ONLY TIME you'll ever hear a mourner say "we're all better off".

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facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted

Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting
Hosted on Transistor.fm

The guys discuss why choosing the correct prison activity can definitely change your sentence, how the lower your avocados hang the thicker your guacamole gets, and where your pizza literally comes out of the oven hot as lava. 

instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt
facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted

Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting
Hosted on Transistor.fm

The guys discuss how timing is everything when it comes to a pebble exchange, why there’s so much collateral damage with Damon’s misdirected wishes, and when is the appropriate time to report a pee-soaked neck pillow. 

instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt
facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted

Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting
Hosted on Transistor.fm

The guys discuss when it is most important to wake up early in Finland, why someone telling you how hot your mom was leads to and early 80’s Rampage, and how death metal was monumental in the 1880’s to detour men from hosiery and booze. 

instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt
facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted

Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting
Hosted on Transistor.fm

The guys discuss why it’s fiscally responsible to always know where your driveway is, what makes the first 60 seconds of a random Central Florida garage sale so dangerous, and when showing “kindness” to your neighbors can get you life in prison.  

instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt
facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted

Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting
Hosted on Transistor.fm

The guys discuss when a wafflestomp proves you did not cheat at Chinese Chess, how Canadians simply do not tolerate pretend witchcraft, and why having a mullet and an unpopular last name will get your bread an end cap display at your local grocer. 

instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt
facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted

Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting
Hosted on Transistor.fm

The guys discuss when 25 minutes means it’s time to drop the purse and start the car, how wood testosterone is 17% greater than ball testosterone, and why holiday eye contact is so imperative in avoiding wang fractures. 

instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt
facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted

Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting
Hosted on Transistor.fm

The guys discuss just how flammable paint CAN be on a Stanley mug, when stage diving CAN cost you a new pair of kicks, why being shot 27 times and getting hit with grenade shrapnel CAN still be better than being at home with the family. 

instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt
facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted

Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting
Hosted on Transistor.fm

The guys discuss why the new Grand Theft Auto will feature gospel music, how to play the odds of the dead jockey winning the race, and when a smoking corpse is the most expensive Uber. 

instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt
facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted

Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting
Hosted on Transistor.fm

The guys discuss how why when you go on vacation for 15 years your house gets demolished, how a man named Tony’s stories got completely omitted from a very popular book, and when a marketplace motherboard post is far more successful than Tinder.

instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt
facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted

Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting
Hosted on Transistor.fm

The guys discuss why calling 719-266-2837 will automatically make any day better, how the complex anatomy of a turtle works while explaining it to Damon, and what might possibly be the world’s worst law firm representation. 

instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt
facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted

Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting
Hosted on Transistor.fm