F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast

Dain's New Year's Resolution is to stop suggesting that performing Mortal Kombat fatalities is a solution to your problems.  Topics include dude, where's my car?  The important of ball play, a pre-exclusivity fling, and bringing a cool vibe to a sex party.

It's time to throw the "Let Them" Theory into the trash where it belongs and start taking life, and your relationships, by the reins with a very simple question: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!  Learn how to embrace bravery and become the master of your own destiny by asking: WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?

If you're not going to drop at least $1.2 MILLION dollars on me PER DATE, I'm going to doubt your commitment.  Topics include how to hunt down your set up, blowjob pains, a very expensive first date, to use hands or not to use hands. 

This week's episode is a little shorter than usual due to technical difficulties and Dain being bad at math.  Topics include missing the giant hint, getting to the sex phase, deciding to break wind or a promise, and the value of rough oral sex.

It's time once again to beg at the Altar of Beast in order to be thrown just enough scraps to continue our meager existence.  Topics include a beastly missed opportunity, creating a safe sexual environment, budget conscious condoms, the boy ain't alright.

Mess with the bull and you'll get the horns especially if you're a big city woman who's too focused on her career to find love.  Topics include post sex shit-tests, long tongue but bad technique, a shaved butthole, irritated over old nudes.

You know that feeling when you hear a song and then you make that whole song your personality for awhile?  Maybe be a little more discerning with what song you're choosing...

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Better start wearing a raincoat whenever you see me out in public because when I'm holding a hand... NOBODY IS SAFE.  Topics include how to be mysterious in the age of social media, playing dead, a damp pant situation, when to transition to casual dates.

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Don't you hate it when your stupid kid just exists and totally blows up your spot?  Topics include pirate re-population, sex inhibiting breast size, a surprise son, date burn out.

There is nothing sex about a Ziploc bag... UNLESS it's one of those ones with the slidey-closer thing.  Those ones are HOT.  Topics include oral hygiene wake up call, celibate Tinder match, get your ex back with no contact, preparing your sex baggie.

Niall is on vacation this week, so we're digging into the Patreon vaults to treat you to a little movie review of the unhinged teen romance movie My Fault.

There are a few exceptions to the rule and one of them is always if it's A Walk to Remember situation.  Topics include contractually obligated angry sex, impatient partner, never split the party, when do you know.

Lock and load has never been a more gross turn of phrase.  Topics include the clean vs dirty debate, if he wanted to: he would, recording your dates for AI approval, a ghost tale as old as time.

Unfortunately, Dr. Goon is all booked up for appointments for the next month.  I can refer you to another Penis MD, if you'd like.  Topics include date ideas for the broken armed, refusing to sleep in a sex stained bed, did you sleep with Dead Greg, and turning physical attraction into love.

This week we go off script and give you dating advice based on the grim things we've seen as bartenders and servers.

RPG!!!!

If you saw me outside your home staring into your windows from the street... no, you didn't.  Topics include a drive-by creeping, an exciting new masturbation technique, channeling your inner Moody, and pity sex.

If you're concerned about Dain's energy in this episode, just remember he's shirtless.  That should explain everything.  Topics include using Snapchat as a cold-call dating app, the mystery behind two hour sessions, info dumped on the Tea app, and being a starfish.

I think we can all agree that we've ALL wanted to see our friend's penis before... right?  Right?  Topics include your friend is undergoing a slutification,  constructing the perfect text to ask him out, drunken genital requests, dating when you're a trainwreck.

Everyone knows that oppressive government regimes are huge fans of the local music scene.  Topics include caught with a a less than true Instagram story, asking someone out who isn't responding, can you just live your life without cold approaching.

If anyone needs a dog to rent for their Tinder photoshoot, please contact me.  I have a wide range of available makes and models.  Topics include staging a doggy photoshoot, taking pictures as a man, when sexy banter turns into a linguistic car crash, I love you too soon.

If you ever needed a brainstorming session as to what the worst type of bag a vagina could be, we've got you covered.  Topics include some much needed positivity, painful hickeys, dating misconceptions.

Well, wrap me up in a carpet and throw away my hundreds of snakes because I refuse to believe any woman doesn't want a vagina full of magic ribbon.  Topics include how to make your relationship disappear, the wandering eye that is actually pretty stationary, skipping lay day on first dates, and a Tinder profile 2000 swipes in the making.

Buckle up for Hetero Awesomefest 2, the second lamest musical event of the summer!  Topics include an untrustworthy retelling of Chris Brown's crimes, an ass maneuver, catching the bouquet just to drop the mildest joke.

Join the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We celebrate pride with two of our favourite people live at the Black Sheep!  Trevor Campbell and Tim Lagman join us for a night of advice and laughs.

Listen to Trevor on Queerial!
Listen to Tim on Sex Ed with Tim!

Catch this episode before it disappears like the Declaration of Independence or whatever they're to steal in Now You See Me 3D.  Topics include tearing and texting, bringing up the snip, altar to an asshole, treat your dick pics like food bloggers.

Remember when we were all stuck at home and were so horny that all of our dicks got injured?  Topics include permanent jewelry is ultimate betrayal, the unending erection, not trying to get laid on a first date, and hole preference.

Join the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I swear the splatter of suspicious liquids all over my walls, floors and ceilings are just from my cat's medicine!  Topics include the sweetest dirty talk, deepthroat inadequacies, disclosing your circumcision status, mandatory eye contact.  

Join the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

When I'm reaching the expiry of my cum-clock, I like to play The Final Countdown as loud as possible to really drive the point home.  Topics include sexual performance under scrutiny in front of family, voyeur baiting, co-worker rejection, the loneliness epidemic.

Join the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Just try to stump us, we dare you!  Topics include interracial dating techniques, a surprise ejaculation, being the side character in your boyfriends rom-com arc, unacceptable sluttiness.

DOGS DON'T GO TO HEAVEN!  Topics include dating teenagers as an adult, statuesque sex, oopsie poopsie, judgmental friends.

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In this episode we go into great detail that arcane secrets you must comprehend and master in order to pee just enough to make someone think it's jizz.  Topics include semen Houdini, difference between sex and making love, a racially charged kink, hooking up after the break up.  

In this laser focused episode, we don't go on a single tangent and stay on topic the entire time.  Topics include literal trust falls, no rhythm, the dog training method, how to use someone you're already using.

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For all you deviant dads out there, be sure to smash that like and subscribe button to keep up to date on all your gooner gags.  Topics include a suspicious dad profile picture, dude looks like a lady, Android-based ick, don't be afraid to catch feelings.

Time to crank one out before the season ends, boys.  WE WILL NOT FINISH IN BRONZE.  Topics include a real stinker of a husband, should I stay or should I go, eye roll emojis in an argument, and doing the bare minimum.

The only time cyberbullying is acceptable is against Kevin Sorbo.  Topics include the first love is the strongest, is he just trying to smash, neighbourly love, and DISAPPOINTED.

Put this episode on your Facebook shortcuts because you're going to want to come back to it.  Topics include secret sniffing, breaking her, Facebook's top five, defective pubic hair.

If you're not blasting this episode in public through a speaker backpack, I don't think you even really care about us.  Topics include he doesn't know he just broke up with me, new pussy problems, forced to hang out with her ex, my ex is telling me no.

If I can't see, I don't believe it and I ain't NEVER seen a dolphin!  Topics include not quittin' the gym, sharing sex problems publicly, my not so smart boyfriend, a dead libido rises again.

Hey baby, why don't we go back to my place and I can get you reaaaaal dry.  Topics include the games of young women, a whispered suggestion, fake boob reveal, alcohol is more than a social lubricant.

Men are throwing themselves into traffic, smashing windows with their faces, tearing out their own hair.  It can only be one thing: ROLEX MADNESS.  Topics include my husband's AI girlfriend, wearing a Rolex on a date, financial deceit, overthinking for overthinking's sake.

In this episode we laugh so hard we have to stop the show.  Topics include the perfect murder, not holding up your end of the love triangle, preventing poop dick, and an unforgettable blowjob.

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This week we're joined by fellow Canadian Podcast Award winning host, Tim Lagman.  Tim brings an assortment of questions from his listeners to the boys as well as a new and exciting game: Home or Homos!

Check out Sex Ed with Tim!

In this week's episode we come across the wildest office coffee order list we've ever seen.  Topics include settling for anything less than magnetic magic, a girlfriend that really likes to show off (everything), lurkin' in the manga section, husband's weird, secret list.

Come see us perform live!  Feb. 20th, Black Sheep, Toronto.  Tickets available here! 

The hottest craze is using archaic psychological manipulation trends on your wife.  Topics include OnlyFans safety, finding the right bell for your wife, recording your conversations, disrespecting your dead husband.

Come see us perform live!  Feb. 20th, Black Sheep, Toronto.  Tickets available here! 

Now "put 'em up" can mean two very different things AT THE SAME TIME.  Topics include brother-in-law sex jealous, ED is A-OK, asking out your wife's affair's ex, ball management. 

I'm looking back over the show notes and I've just got to say I'm really pissed that I didn't say Upsetti Forgetti for the first question which confuses even me because it doesn't mean anything.  Topics include an upsetting way to be remembered, pre-move in question checklist, desire cannot be described, first date impatience.

If any other famous dude would just like to come out and let us know that they suck, it would save us all a lot of time.  Topics include love boners, oral entertainment, secret boudoir shoot, Hinge date weariness.

Niall has debuts a new segment that will have you wondering what people are actually interested in jerking off to.  Topics include are you being a pussy, doggystyle not looking the way you want it to, being a gentle womanizer and never finding THE ONE.

No one will ever know how important a millimeter is!  Topics include libido mismatch, the problem with showering, the group chat conspiracy, finding your Kia Soulmate.

Our annual year in review episode is usually reserved for Patreon, but we forgot that and recorded it as a normal episode, so here you go!  We look back at our year as a podcast, dating trends on Tinder and Pornhub wrapped.

Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Dain had a rough day, but there's nothing like getting in the closet and seeing how bad everyone else is doing.  Topics include if they say they wanna bang, do they really wanna bang, desperate to kiss your best friend, post nut clarity denial, only watching Oppenheimer.

Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

How can ever wall be a window?  How can a balcony be a room?  How can mom be EVERYWHERE.  Topics include situationship penis fracture, the ever-present mother, irresistible shirtless dad, stripping away insecurity.

Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Sometimes you just need a mentor to guide you through the more complicated matters in life.  Topics include keeping your car freshly stocked with crusty rags, terrible sexting strategies, how to work on that arch, wet dream loophole.

Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

You probably remember when we got really side-tracked by the legend of Tony Pizza.  Well, we didn't stop at just one episode.  We had a lot more to say on the topic.  Niall was in Mexico this week and the live show we wanted to release got corrupted, so we're cracking open the vault and sharing this unhinged episode just for you.

Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Literally every delicious food could be made into a dick or balls.  Are we supposed to starve?!  Topics include shivering her timbers, boba is sus, cheating on your girlfriend before cheating on No Nut November, and how to train your girlfriend.

Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Everything is okay if you film it.  Topics include sharing your feelings, when she fucks you up, a soft "I hate you", making her mine.

Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Everything sucks, but we made this for you anyway.

Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We don't think John Cena was trying to be sexy when he hit Dain really hard with a sledgehammer, but maybe we just don't know what the kids are into these days.  Topics include upping your red flag game, ex-girlfriend ruining sex, second class girlfriend and the voidgina.

Support the show: www.patreon.com/fbuddies

See that little joke in the title there, Spotify?  Wouldn't you like MORE of that?  Just hit us up.  We won't blow you off for some lame camp thing.  Topics include jerking it when she's around, finger lickin' (real) good, the classic money trap, losing that lovin' feeling.

Ol' Walt is a real freak for this one.  That slinky dog really gets put through it.  Topics include being eaten alive by the prospect of threesomes, sexual support stuffy, marriage ending threesome, degradation play without the play.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies 

Get tickets to our next live show October 29th: https://www.fbuddiespodcast.com/liveshows

Oh, you have a room in your house that gets really hot and steamy?  That's cool.  I've got a room in my body called my lungs that I blast with vapor 24/7.  Topics include irreversible post nut clarity, safe sex discussion, how to de-cling yourself, look what she's wearing.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies 

Get tickets to our next live show October 29th: https://www.fbuddiespodcast.com/liveshows

Don't you hate it when you're trying to think of an absolutely devastating comeback, but it comes to you like... two days later in the shower?  Now that's what we need a time machine for.  Topics include defending your pink honour, wanting good sex bad, stealth ring measuring techniques, between round awkwardness.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies 

I can't help but look down at my balls every now and then and think, "Sure, you're massive.  But are you masculine?"  Topics include rated below her ex for best orgasms, a four year sex sabbatical, how to impress hundreds of women, a well endowed girlfriend.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies 

If someone could just Shrek-style pull all the wax out of my ears, that would be very kick ass.  Topics include waterboarding your ears, stalking masturbation, donating your wedding dress, and erectile terror.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Hulkamania will not longer be running wild.  Topics include throwing up a whole bunch, a poop-inducing scare, where does oral happen, a rough ex-perience.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

The only way to ensure that you're not about to be blackmailed is simply by including your brother (or sister!) in your nudes for safety.  Topics include bringing your sibling on a date, your mind's telling you no, but her body is telling you yes, blackmail tactics, keeping your lube secret.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I don't think we SHOULD compare the human body to form of Crocs, but if we DID... then I think it's VERY obviously what our sport mode would be.  Topics include girlfriend's cartoon sex noises, how to feel a flaccid penis, creampie boundaries, a disturbing kink preference.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Get out the shovels, boys!  Let's bring this bar straight to hell!  Topics include how low can the bar go, pulling a meatloaf, getting sweaty at the gym for all the wrong reasons, is your labia and innie or an outie?

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

That baby is just TOO FLIRTY to be sending all willy-nilly.  We're doing a rare remote record this week, but we're back with a hot and fresh episode!

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We're still recovering from GenCon and catching up on missing a week of our lives to Indianapolis, so here's our most recent live show at Black Sheep!

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

This summer we got the amazing chance to head out into the woods and perform for the kick-ass campers at Camp Halcyon.  And since we were both away at GenCon all week, we figured now would be the best time to share just a fraction of the fun to be had at camp.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Go on your own camp adventure: https://www.camphalcyon.com/

Listen, Greg.  You can keep making your funny little piss jokes and I'll be forced to ruin your life or you can just chill. You make the call.  Topics include falling on the piss sword, toothy blowjobs, canine companion challenges, lick my balls (respectfully). 

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We can all agree that there is some man-child out there who is 100% responsible for naming these stupid magic robots.  Topics include sexting ruining your life, unremorseful dick breaking, one person casual sex.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We celebrate our unbroken streak of 300 episodes by returning to where it all started.  Join us for an episode of introspection, disappointing sodas and the advice you've come to love.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We celebrate Pride month at Black Sheep with the incredibly funny Trevor Campbell, host of You Made Me Queer!

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies
Find Trevor here: https://www.trevorcampbell.ca/ymmq/

If you catch them looking at you because you were looking at them then can you even be upset?  Topics include interesting animal encounters while dating, indulging your foot fetish, weeding out on your first date, and appreciating those heavy boobs.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

If someone told me that a children's cartoon had the most complete list of sexually deviant aliens... yeah, I'd probably believe them.  Topics include Ben 10 recovery, that negative accent, complimenting or criticizing thicc-ness, exhibitionism for dummies.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

New self mode just dropped, y'all.  Get those balls in half eclipse!  Topics include plastic bag break up, post-sex sex show, weirdly obsessed sister, morning routine (sex version).

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We're on vacation in New York, so here is our most recent live show at Black Sheep!

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

This is now just a show about all the hottest popstar beef and we're okay with that.  Topics include Dain's heartbreaking celebrity wake up call, how to date with a busy schedule, vegan break up obligations, too intimate for a hook up, cream pie conundrum, a friendly penis grab.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We're absolutely swamped preparing for our show in New York next week, so we thought it would be a perfect time to release the new Patreon format for public preview!  We've been asked for a long time to do long-form, single topic episodes, so... ask and ye shall receive!  Every month we'll pick a topic and discuss so that if you're ever searching for specific advice, you don't have to search through hundreds of episodes.  We hope you enjoy!

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Dain was away all last week, so here's our live show from last month!

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We've talked about filling a shot glass before, but I'm starting to think we're going to need a bigger glass.  Topics include reverse catfish, an ejaculation performance, a bad naked reaction, a phone call cuss out.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

After surviving the harrowing attack last week, we've returned to the scene of the crime to reclaim our space and peace of mind.  Topics include scooping two ladies from the club, kung fu rejection, no longer being the family's favourite, a knockout blowjob, a pegging punch.

At a specific point in this episode, you may think: "Weird, they didn't edit this part out."  I want to make it VERY clear that I left it in intentionally so that you could all here what we go through to make this show for you.  Also, so you can see how cool and tough we are in the face of mortal danger.  Topics include the graveyard shift at the the club, getting over great sex, what is her DEAL, and red flag assessment.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

You've really gotta know what scene I'm talking about.  You know?  With Adam Driver?  And he's eating the soup?  It's from that show.  Come on.  You gotta know.  Topics include breaking out of a bad dating cycle, after sex text, getting rid of your smart look.

Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

We're back in fine form and actually answering questions this week, so get in here and get educated/entertained!  Topics include ungrateful Roman holiday, a successful sexual funk, moving too quickly with a hug, toxic bedroom expectations.

Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

This episode is the literal definition of "Go off king!" because a) we don't answer a single question and b) this is our FIRST unedited episode.  We all adore Taylor Swift, but sometimes our big, strong football boy needs love too.

Don't be fooled by the title, y'all.  This is still a good episode, but man, it would have been SO GOOD if we could have made some banger T-Swift references.  Topics include who keeps the concert tickets, reasonable set of standards, breaking up for the dumbest reason and diagnosing a kink.

Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

This month has been insanely busy for us!  But we're back in the closet and getting strange updates and e-mails that are a little too specific?  Topics include stand-up salvation, getting over the cuck life, reducing the amount of topping and emotionless sex.

Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Flure App: Made for Pleasure - https://www.flure.com/

This weekend was a wild one performing at Comicon, so we're taking a wee break to recover by sharing our latest live show at Black Sheep!  Topics include the least flattering way to describe your girlfriend, enjoying video games with the boys too much, International Women's Day preparations, weighing the power dynamics of a new relationship and more!

Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Oh, gowrsh!  We're thinking of renaming the show F-hyuck Buddies.  Topics include not getting walked home, boyfriend gangbang, to be or not to be (single), ribbed for his pleasure.

Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Flure App: Made for Pleasure - https://www.flure.com/

We mark our special one year anniversary of doing live shows at Black Sheep by inviting our lawfully wedded podwives, Liv and Maddy, from the award-winning show 30 Going on 13, to join us on stage for an extra long, extra chaotic special!

I hope you're ready for a deep dish serving of Tony Pizza lore.  Topics include nickname game strong, cheating cruise, sitting in the corner, watching you dance with him (whoa-oa-oa), drunk gay me.

Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Flure App: Made for Pleasure - https://www.flure.com/

I don't care if you're a princess or a puppy, you can have all of the parts.  Topics include disrespecting your girlfriend's culture with your boner, ripping the band-aid of virginity off, fake scheme boyfriend, saying things you're not really into. 

Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

Taylor Swift may be causing global warming by flying her private jet from Superbowl to Superbowl, but we're here to teach you how to make out so well that people will be calling you Taylor Shift.  Topics include a weird response to "I miss you," how to date a bad kisser, teaching your son pick up and getting a hall pass.

Visit this week's sponsor:
Flure Dating: Made for Pleasure - https://flure.com

This week's episode is a banger!  We're joined by the amazing Jeff Guenther, LPC, (aka TherapyJeff on Tiktok and Instagram) to answer your questions and ask the age old question of what the worst early morning meal would be to prep for a conversation about butt stuff.  Topics include your money pit of a girlfriend, talking about bed stuff outside the bedroom, grief and dating, opening your marriage to polyamory.

Check out TherapyJeff and pre-order his book Big Dating Energy at https://www.therapyjeff.com/ and find him on social media as TherapyJeff.

This went up late because Dain is incredibly sick and forgot what day it is, so if you want a recap: too bad.  Listen to the episode and find out yourself.  Also, send Dain soup.

I'm not entirely sure if he grants any wishes, but, lemme tell you, there's one very easy way you grant his.  Topics include Niall's mean era, getting so obviously scammed, reservations about hitting it raw, cold approaching, too many options may kill this man.