The Desire Gap: Real Solutions for Couples with Mismatched Sex Drives
By: Laura Jurgens, Ph.D.
Language: en-us
Categories: Health, Fitness, Sexuality, Mental, Education, Self Improvement
Mismatched libidos destroying your relationship? Dr. Laura Jurgens helps couples solve desire differences with proven methods—even when therapy fails. This intimacy coach and former professor helps couples navigate different sexual needs with research-based solutions that actually work. This isn't about forcing different sex drives to align. It's about understanding why you want different amounts of sex, learning to talk about it without fighting, and creating intimacy that works for both partners. Even if you're feeling rejected, lonely, guilty, broken, or ashamed for having needs—you're not. You're just missing the tools to bridge your desire discrepancy.Every episode delivers pract...
Episodes
What to do when depression & antidepressants kill your libido: real talk & my story
Dec 15, 2025Depression tanks your libido. Then you finally get help with antidepressants—and your sex drive tanks even more. If this is you, you're not broken. You're dealing with a real, common side effect that nobody wants to talk about.
In this episode, I break down the double whammy of depression and SSRIs on your sex life: how depression shuts down motivation (including for sex), why antidepressants compound the problem by affecting serotonin and dopamine, and how orgasm difficulties create a feedback loop that kills desire even further.
I also share my personal story—how I deal...
Duration: 00:23:25When holiday stress kills desire (your sex life doesn't need to be a Hallmark movie)
Dec 08, 2025If you're not tearing each other's matching pajamas off for holiday romance, you're not broken - you're normal. The holidays come with dreamy visions of mistletoe magic, but the reality is stress, family drama, overbooked schedules, and exhaustion.
In this episode, we tackle:
Why holiday pressure kills intimacyThe common patterns that widen desire gaps (and how to avoid them)Low-pressure ways to stay connected when libido is low or mismatchedHow to communicate without pressure if you're the higher-desire partnerHow to free yourself from holiday expectations if you're the lower-desire partnerHow to redefine holiday intimacy for your... Duration: 00:38:56What you're really working toward with mismatched libidos
Dec 01, 2025Most people think the goal with mismatched libidos is making the lower-desire partner want more of the sex you've been having—or making the higher-desire partner want less. But that's not it.
And it wouldn't work anyway.
I walk through the actual goals when you're healing a desire gap. They boil down to maximizing sexual compatibility, emotional connection, and quality of communication, then deciding how to manage whatever gap, if any, is left over. This means focusing first on better quality sex, real emotional connection, and removing what's blocking desire. Then making clean decisions together. Plus...
Duration: 00:40:34You DO have options: what higher-desire partners can actually do
Nov 24, 2025Feeling stuck, powerless, and like your needs don't matter? This episode is for you.
A listener wrote: "I feel like you only talk about what the low-libido partner needs. What about me?" He's right—I needed to address this more directly.
In this episode, I break down the "power imbalance" myth, clarify what you can reasonably expect in a monogamous relationship, and talk over the 5 real options when your partner refuses to work on your desire discrepancy.
Your needs matter. You're not powerless. You have choices—they're just hard choices.
We also...
Duration: 00:41:47Why obligation sex destroys desire (and what works better)
Nov 17, 2025You think having sex when you don't really want to will keep your partner happy. But obligation sex actually destroys desire—and doesn't help either of you in the long run.
Research shows that when you cross your own boundaries repeatedly this way, your desire drops even further. Resentment builds. And your partner can wind up feeling even more unwanted.
I break down what actually happens with obligation sex, why it doesn't help either partner, and how to choose a different option that honors each person's truth while actually building (rather than eroding) connection.
...
Duration: 00:28:49Your brain is keeping you stuck in a desire gap (here's how to override it)
Nov 10, 2025You know your desire discrepancy is a problem. You've known for months, maybe years. So why haven't you done anything about it? It's not laziness or lack of care—it's your brain doing exactly what evolution designed it to do. Here's how to override it.
This episode helps you understand the neuroscience of "the comfortable pain trap," the real cost of waiting, and how to override your brain's resistance. Whether you're higher-desire or lower-desire, this episode will help you finally take action.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blam...
ADHD & Desire Gaps, Part 1: High libido, low libido, or sometimes both
Nov 03, 2025If you have ADHD and your sex life feels challenging, you're not broken - your brain just works differently. Maybe you have super high libido and use sex or masturbation to feel at home in your body. Or maybe your libido is low because sex hasn't been working for your body or you're stuck in your head and you don't know why or how to fix it. Or maybe you're both, depending on the day.
In this episode, we unpack why ADHD creates these extremes - from sex as self-medication to getting stuck in your head during...
Duration: 00:33:11Getting on the Same Team, Part 2: How to talk about sex without fighting
Oct 27, 2025You know you need to talk about your desire gap, but every time you try, it devolves into a fight. Someone gets defensive or spirals into shame, and you're right back where you started – or worse.
In this episode, you get the exact framework for having the conversation that actually works to get you started on the road to solving your issues together. You'll learn how to check if you're calm enough for vulnerability, how to express your feelings without blame, how to hear your partner's pain without making it about your own inadequacy, and the step-by-step pr...
Duration: 00:42:23Getting on the Same Team, Part 1: Stop venting to friends and start solving the problem together
Oct 20, 2025You're both in pain about your desire gap, but you're processing it separately – venting to friends, talking to therapists, building separate narratives about what's wrong. Meanwhile, the gap between you keeps widening. Sound familiar?
Most couples approach mismatched libidos like adversaries: one person wants more sex, one wants less, and now you're fighting about whose needs matter more. But when one of you loses, you both lose.
In this episode, you'll learn why the adversarial approach never works, how to get underneath surface feelings like "frustrated" or "fine" to the real pain you're both experiencing, an...
Duration: 00:30:22What your body learned about love before you could talk: Healing attachment wounds with Dr. Aline LaPierre
Oct 14, 2025Why does your body shut down during intimacy even when your mind wants connection? Why does rejection trigger panic that feels way bigger than the situation? The answer might have nothing to do with your current relationship—and everything to do with attachment wounds living in your nervous system.
In this episode, Laura talks with Dr. Aline LaPierre, creator of NeuroAffective Touch, about how our earliest experiences with touch shape everything about adult intimacy, sexuality, and connection.
You'll learn:
Why touch is our "first language" and how it creates our blueprint for re... Duration: 00:51:47Desire Solutions: Signs that you're rushing penetration & what to do instead
Oct 06, 2025Why does penetration feel painful, numb, or just... meh? And why does rushing to it kill desire over time?
If you're experiencing pain or numbness during sex, struggling with low libido, or wondering why your partner seems less and less interested, this episode is for you. It reveals one of the most common desire killers: penetration before the body is actually ready.
You'll learn how much time most female bodies need before reaching full arousal, how to recognize true readiness for penetration, what to do if impatience is getting in the way, and how rushing t...
Duration: 00:28:20Desire Killers & What To Do Instead: Pouting When You Don't Get Sex
Sep 29, 2025Tired of the cycle where you don't get sex, so you sulk, which makes your partner want sex even less? You're not alone – and you're definitely not getting the results you want.
In this episode, we break down why pouting, withdrawal, and passive aggression after sexual rejection literally kills desire and pushes your partner further away. If you're the higher-libido partner feeling frustrated and acting out, or the lower-libido partner dealing with sulking and guilt trips, this episode is for you.
You'll learn exactly why these behaviors backfire so spectacularly, what to do instead when yo...
Duration: 00:35:45Sex Help for Smart People Evolves to The Desire Gap Podcast: Unpacking The #1 Issue I See
Sep 22, 2025This episode is all about why I'm making a change in this podcast, including why that is going to be extra great for you as a listener. In fact, you're going to get even more of my focused expertise, aimed at the issue that affects 80% of people in relationships at some point: libido mismatch. I'm keeping all the no-nonsense, research-based, caring content you know me for. What you also get is laser-focused expertise on desire differences— the issue that touches virtually every other sexual and relationship challenge people face.
Here's why this matters: most marriage and family the...
Duration: 00:19:45What is Embodiment? Why Somatics Are Key to Better Sex and Relationships
Sep 15, 2025Your body remembers every touch, every rejection, every moment of connection—even when your mind has forgotten. But most of us are living from the neck up, disconnected from our bodies and the wisdom they hold about our desires, boundaries, and authentic selves.
In this episode, I'm demystifying embodiment and somatic (body-based) approaches for intimacy issues. I'll break down what it actually means to be embodied (versus disconnected), why your nervous system holds the key to better sex and relationships, and how somatic approaches differ from traditional talk therapy.
You'll learn a wee bit of th...
Duration: 00:31:55Is It Okay to Fantasize During Sex? A Guide to Helpful vs. Unhelpful Mental Erotica
Sep 08, 2025Many people worry that fantasizing during intimacy means something is wrong with their relationship or attraction to their partner. In this episode, we explore why mental wandering during sex is completely normal and can actually enhance your experience. Learn the difference between healthy fantasy that keeps you present and embodied… versus problematic fantasy used for dissociation or avoidance. We'll cover why active minds (especially ADHD brains) benefit from fantasy, when it becomes a red flag, and how to use your imagination as a tool for better sex rather than an escape from it. Plus, we tackle the big question: is...
Duration: 00:26:31Situationships and Friends with Benefits - What Works and What Doesn't
Sep 01, 2025Are casual-sex relationships always problematic, or can they actually work for some people? In this episode, we break down the key differences between "friends with benefits" (clear boundaries) and situationships (confusing lack of clarity). Learn why catching feelings during casual sex is completely normal and healthy, when these arrangements can work, and crucial signs they're not right for you. We'll explore attachment styles, discuss why some people naturally bond through sex while others remain detached, and provide practical guidance for knowing whether you're built for casual relationships. Plus, we address the long-term implications of consistent emotional avoidance, and answer...
Duration: 00:24:13Should I Tell My Partner What Turns Me OFF?
Aug 25, 2025We're going to get really nitty-gritty here today and give you the full details on why, when and how to tell your partner what turns you off. I'll also give you the important exceptions -- that is, when NOT to frame something as a turn-off. Plus you'll get a step-by-step guide on how to have these conversations -- and my Golden Rule for how to make them WAY less hard.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at...
Can You Really Learn Relationship Skills Through Pleasure? The Science Says Yes
Aug 18, 2025What if getting better at relationships and intimacy could actually feel amazing? In this episode, we look at the evidence to challenge the assumption that learning relationship skills has to involve painful, difficult conversations or years of heavy therapy.
Drawing on science about how our brains learn best, we talk about why pleasure and play are actually superior teachers when it comes to intimacy. I'll break down the problems with traditional talk-only approaches and share how embodied, experiential practices create lasting change faster—and more enjoyably.
You'll learn why focusing only on problems keeps people st...
Duration: 00:26:23How & Why Your Non-verbal Communication Matters
Aug 11, 2025Today's episode is all about non-verbal communication, it's role with authenticity and trust, and why it matters so much in romantic and sexual relationships (and all relationships, for that matter).
Here's the link for the Hawaii retreat! Don't miss your chance to join us! https://www.kamahagar.com/retreat-page/
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/
Duration: 00:27:05Why Do I Have Low Desire? 10 Questions to Figure It Out
Aug 04, 2025Even though nearly everyone will go through periods of low sexual desire in their lifetime, most people have no idea how common it is or that it's solve-able. Sadly, a lot of people feel like there is something wrong with them, or like they are broken. This episode will normalize what you're going through, plus give you 10 important questions to help you identify the root causes of your own low desire.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples
Duration: 00:18:39
How To Stop Avoiding Your Own Desires & Figure Out What You Really Want
Jul 28, 2025Are you secretly scared of your own desires? I see this all the time in my practice – we avoid knowing what we truly want because we're terrified of disappointment. But here's the thing: your desires are there whether you acknowledge them or not, and avoiding them is just quitting in advance (there's no benefit).
In this episode, I'm walking you through a powerful exercise that will help you uncover what you actually want (not what you think you should want). We're going to dig past those surface-level desires – like wanting the perfect body or your partner to initi...
Duration: 00:19:10When Touch Feels Off: Why It Happens & How to Fix It
Jul 21, 2025Have you ever been with someone you love, but their touch just felt... wrong? Or maybe your partner has told you that YOUR touch feels off, and you have no idea what you're doing wrong?
I'm diving deep into this incredibly common issue that so many couples face but rarely talk about. First, I want you to know: you're not broken, and neither is your partner. This happens to normal humans with normal senses, and it's actually important information your body is giving you.
I'm breaking down the four main reasons touch can feel off – fr...
Duration: 00:23:44Spontaneous vs. Scheduled Sex: How Do We Find The (Right) Time?
Jul 14, 2025It can be hard for couples to find good times to connect sexually. Busy lives or different sleep schedules are just some contributing factors that make finding time for sex especially challenging. Add to that an expectation that sex is "supposed to be spontaneous" and we have a recipe for frustration.
Join me for an exploration of where the whole "thing" around spontaneity comes from, why you might like to de-bunk the myth that spontaneous = passionate, and how you can find more time and better times to get it on.
Get my free guide: 5 St...
Duration: 00:13:25Are We Just Too Sexually Incompatible? How to Know.
Jul 07, 2025If you're asking yourself whether you and your partner are just too sexually incompatible for your relationship to work, this episode is for you. (Tip: It's also for people you know who seem to be asking themselves this all the time. Please share it and you could save someone a lot of angst).
Join me as we dive into the hidden issues underneath this question. If you or someone you know is asking this question, you know that it can take a lot of energy and really sap your joy. So let's figure it out and give y...
Duration: 00:25:05What Really Turns Me On? With Danielle Harel, PhD
Jun 30, 2025Don't miss this important (and fun) conversation with Danielle Harel, PhD, co-founder of the Somatica Institute. We talk all about discovering your deep turn-ons, how to know and ask for what you like, and why everyone's arousal pathway is different. We also flirt and laugh a lot while we demonstrate a mini-conversation to have with your partner.
Grab the Somatica Institute's guide to Finding Your Hottest Sexual Movie (what turns you on) with this special link for podcast listeners: https://learn.somatica.com/link/6emf31?url=https%3A%2F%2Flearn.somatica.com%2Fcourse%3Fcourseid%3Dhow-to-spice-up-your-sex-life Duration: 00:44:37
How Do I Stop Faking Orgasms?
Jun 23, 2025Join me today as I walk through what's really underneath the tendency and temptation to fake orgasms, and how to stop. You'll learn the hidden costs of this habit to you and your relationship. You'll learn what it is actually all about and how to start creating the safety you need in order to have authentic pleasure, connection and communication.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more a...
Duration: 00:17:24Helping Men Last Longer with Caitlin V
Jun 16, 2025Premature ejaculation or "PE" is one of the most widespread challenges for men and couples that include men. There's no special pill being sold on TV. And while it's not quite that easy to find good help -- we got you! There ARE solutions that work way better than trying to think about baseball or frantically masturbating before a date.
Join me for a fun and important conversation with Caitlin V, fellow sex coach, YouTube sensation and host of Good Sex on MAX and Discovery+. Our conversation focuses on the best paths to overcoming PE, from her ex...
Duration: 00:34:38The Connection Between Self-Compassion & Great Intimacy (Plus How To Boost Yours)
Jun 09, 2025It may be surprising, but how we treat ourselves is irrevocably linked to how happy we are in our connections with others. Tune in to this heartfelt episode for shortcuts on how to have a better relationship with yourself, first and foremost. You'll be amazed at how that will transform your relationships with everyone else (and your sex life!)
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more about...
Duration: 00:18:42Pitfalls of "Polarity:" 5 Rules to Avoid Harming Your Sex Life
Jun 02, 2025Applying the idea of "polarity" without full knowledge can actually undermine you and harm your sexual connection. So it's best to be informed. Some people act like the idea of "polarity" applied to relationships is some sort of universal truth, but the reality is that it's just a made-up concept that is really only helpful in. I’m going to break down what polarity actually is and the facts beneath the hype, so you can apply your brilliant critical-thinking mind to decide if you want to play with this idea yourself or not. I’ll also break down the situ...
Duration: 00:25:53Kind Boundaries & Building Secure Attachment: A Guide
May 26, 2025This episode will walk you through how to have boundaries that feel great. Good boundaries feel like a big hug for you, rather than a barbed-wire fence to control others. We'll also cover why kind boundaries are critical to creating secure attachment. Don't miss this one!
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/
Duration: 00:25:50Giving and Receiving Oral & Troubleshooting (Plus: Why People Often Dislike 69)
May 19, 2025Today we're talking about common challenges & solutions for giving and receiving oral sex. Plus, since this is episode 69, I'm celebrating with some cautionary tales around 69, and I'll cover why so many people just don't like it (plus what to do instead).
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/
Duration: 00:19:27Claim Your Agency or Create Helplessness: You Choose
May 12, 2025If you're feeling like change is impossible, you may be falling into a sneaky self-undermining habit. Instead of imagining your worst beliefs are true, take a listen to this empowering episode.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/
Duration: 00:15:50Is It So Bad To Be A Tease? Redefining & Reclaiming Play
May 05, 2025Ever wish you had more make out sessions with your partner(s)?
Ever wish you felt 100% allowed to just flirt or kiss and then . . . stop?
Do you ever wish you could get physical affection without feeling like you're on the hook for getting your partner to orgasm?
If so, this episode is for you!
It's also for anyone who notices their partner avoiding sex. And anyone who, on reflection, notices that they take flirtation and making out as a signal that their partner wants sex, but rarely do you talk about it e...
Duration: 00:21:23Monogamy, Non-Monogamy & Choosing Your Relationship Structure on Purpose
Apr 28, 2025Both monogamy and non-monogamy are valid choices, but a lot of people default into the modern-day societal norm without even fully discussing it or considering the options that best align with us. This episode provides an introduction to the different choices for relationship structures available. Whatever you choose, I encourage you to make it an intentional decision for you and your partner or partner. I also provide direct you to some resources that can really help. As a coach who has helped many couples navigate changes in their relationship structures, I highly recommend having a listen.
Book li...
Duration: 00:26:42Big Picture Know-How For Great Sex & Relationships
Apr 21, 2025This episode gives you the bird's-eye view of what we all need to know and understand in order to have our best sex life and best relationships. You might want a pencil and paper for this one!
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/
Duration: 00:26:37Hidden Intimacy Challenges for Over-Achievers & What to Do About Them
Apr 14, 2025I'm breaking down the special challenges that over-achievers tend to have with intimacy, sex, and relationships today. I'm also going to tell you exactly how to overcome those challenges. If you're a person who's afraid of failing in relationships and intimacy, or frustrated that other humans and our own bodies don't come with better manuals -- I've got you.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more about m...
Duration: 00:26:01Want Better Sex & Relationships? Practice This.
Apr 07, 2025A lot of people want great relationships and sex lives. Not a lot of people are doing anything useful to get there. Today's episode will walk you through a super common trap most people are stuck in -- and show you how to get out of it. I will explain exactly what you need to start practicing to get what you want.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find o...
Duration: 00:26:16Which Comes First for You: Physical or Emotional Connection?
Mar 31, 2025People have different ways of getting to connection. Some people find emotional connection necessary before they feel safe to connect physically. Some people want physical intimacy in order to access emotional connection. If you are different than your partner in this, it can cause a lot of strife. This episode unpacks this common issue and helps you understand how to start solving it.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
F...
Duration: 00:13:34Saying No Without Guilt in Relationships & Sex...and everywhere else too
Mar 24, 2025Saying yes to things you don't want to do is not helping your relationships. It's not being "nice" either.
Today's episode will help free you from guilt that keeps you from showing up authentically and saying no when you want to. Learn how and why your "no" can be a gift to others, and why it can really liberate your relationship from hidden...or not so hidden...resentments.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Po...
Kissing: Challenges, Explorations & Tips
Mar 17, 2025This episode dives into all things Kissing. We'll cover basic Do's and Don'ts, and unpack common concerns about this very common activity. Many couples communicate pretty poorly if at all about their desires and preferences around kissing, which makes it very hard to get what you want. I'll help you get free of that and understand how to improve your kissing situation, whether you want more kissing, less kissing, or different kissing.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and C...
Christina & Brooke Share Wisdom from the Middle of the Change Process
Mar 10, 2025Sometimes at the end of the journey it can be hard to even remember what it was like to be in the middle. Listen in to my interview with a wonderful couple of humans, Christina and Brooke, who are currently working with me. They openly share how they started out disconnected with lots of resentment. They discuss what they've learned so far and how they feel now mid-way through the process of transforming their relationship. Anyone seeking better, more authentic, and stress-free intimacy will benefit from their perspective.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving D...
Duration: 00:36:56How People-Pleasing Kills Intimacy & What to Do About It
Mar 03, 2025There are 3 things I really want you to know about people-pleasing and intimacy. When you're a people-pleaser, you'll often feel like you're doing things to make others happy or doing things out of obligation. You'll also often feel like you're not getting the appreciation you want, like you don't have space and time for yourself, and/or like you are just tired of people wanting stuff from you. There's often an underlying current of resentment you may or may not acknowledge.
Here's the truth: people-pleasing is hell on intimacy and relationships. This episode will walk you through h...
Duration: 00:15:45Three-somes & Group Sex: Fantasy, Reality & Avoiding Pitfalls
Feb 24, 2025Lots of folks fantasize about threesomes or group sex, and some of us decide to try it for real. Both can be fun. This episode will guide you through how to have more fun with fantasy and how to make real-life group sex a good experience for everyone. Plus, I'll give you my best tips on how to find other partners and deal with the logistics of setting it up so everyone has a good time.
If you're interested in threesomes, don't miss this one!
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire D...
Duration: 00:29:28Paths to Sexual Confidence: Real vs. Fake Confidence or Arrogance
Feb 17, 2025A lot of people want more confidence but are afraid of fake confidence and arrogance. You’re right to be wary of that. It’s not helpful to be falsely confident or arrogant in intimate relationships and sexuality. Today we're going to talk about why, how to avoid fake confidence or arrogance, and how to build real confidence and empowerment instead. We'll talk about why it's the opposite of selfish. I'll also share the path to creating a deep, all-encompassing sense of worth and love-ability. I'll even give you a quick exercise to get you started.
I absol...
Duration: 00:34:47Curing the Libido Mismatch Blues
Feb 10, 2025If Libidio Mismatch is something you struggle with – you know it can be super hard on relationships. It is very stressful and disconnecting. If it feels like a big deal, it is. Research shows that most of our happiness is tied to how we feel about our relationships – so stress in a primary partnership is devastating to quality of life. It's smart to prioritize solving rifts like this above a lot of other things in your life, because it’s going to make the biggest difference to happiness and enable everything else to feel easier.
The problem is that...
Duration: 00:38:40Busting 7 Myths That Make It Hard to Ask for What You Want in Bed
Feb 03, 2025Today we're making it easier for you to ask for what you want in your intimate relationships by busting common myths that hold us back. Make your life easier by listening in.
Special Event Links:
Libido Mismatch Clarity Hour: walk away feeling better about your capacity to reconcile a libido mismatch in your relationship
Free 1-hour FAQ and Ask the Expert
February 18, 2025 5-6pm Eastern US time (Zoom option): https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1232092474759?aff=oddtdtcreator
February 19, 2025 6-7pm Eastern US time (phone-in option): htt...
Sexual Confidence: A Success Story in Overcoming Shame
Jan 27, 2025This episode takes you inside a transformative conversation about sexual confidence and body trust. My former client Kama shares her raw experience of moving from sexual shame and orgasm challenges to deep embodied wisdom. This conversation goes beyond typical success stories, diving deep into how sexual healing catalyzes growth in all areas of life—from business decisions to personal relationships.
Kama's story powerfully demonstrates how learning to trust your body's signals and treat yourself with compassion can lead to unprecedented personal freedom.
Whether you're struggling with intimacy issues or simply curious about sex coaching, this aut...
4 Steps to Confidence & Comfort in Intimacy
Jan 20, 2025These are the steps to confidence and comfort that work. Tune in to learn the 4 key steps that will take you from anxious and underconfident to a true, deep, felt sense of comfort and capability in sex and intimacy. Frankly, they are not all easy, though some are surprisingly fun. These steps are what my practice is based on and why it's been so effective for my clients. That's why I'm sharing them with you today.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting P...
The Biggest Thing You Can Do To Feel More Sexual Empowerment This Year (and it's FREE)
Jan 13, 2025This episode will explain the best, biggest thing you can do to improve your relationship with your own sexuality this year AND your intimacy with a partner. This is the one thing most people are NOT doing – and it is FREE.
That’s right, people will spend loads of money this year trying to spice things up by buying stuff: lingerie, sex toys, vacations, and even sex rooms. But most people will fail to do this one, totally FREE thing that is the biggest game changer of them all, and the most empowering thing you can do to cha...
Duration: 00:23:25The Most Powerful Step
Jan 06, 2025Today I’m going to tell you a really personal story of how I almost quit on my marriage. I’m also going to share one of the most powerful ideas in the world for changing your life and your relationships. That sounds like a giant claim, and it is, but it is also really simple. If you look at the most joyful people who are living the lives they want – you will see this idea at work all the time. It is their defining approach to life, and it’s what enabled me to rescue my relationship.
Registe...
Duration: 00:23:32Liberation from Religious Shame & Repression: an interview with Lisa
Dec 30, 2024So many people feel disconnected from their authentic sexuality due to a history of religious repression and shaming. In an ideal world, religion would be universally supportive and comforting. Unfortunately, so many people have had the opposite experience, and wound up with decades of harmful ideas about themselves and their sexuality that they struggle to overcome. In this episode, I interview Lisa, a former client, who emerged from many years of religious shame and repression to discover her own authentic sexuality and access her own capacity for pleasure. Tune in and listen to Lisa's inspiring story.
To r...
Rethinking Conflict: How Conflict Avoidance Undermines Relationships & What To Do Instead
Dec 23, 2024Conflict is inevitable in close relationships. Doing it well is key to feeling confident, connected, seen, and safe. Many people avoid conflict, or let their default strategies overwhelm them in unhelpful ways. This episode will help you learn to stop avoding necessary conflict and instead use it to get closer and solve problems together.
Conflict isn’t bad in itself – in fact, it’s really important for intimacy. It is doing conflict badly that is a problem. I was absolutely terrible at conflict, but I learned and it totally changed my life. You can learn too. I'll walk you...
Getting the Right Help for Pelvic & Sexual Pain: Interview with Dr. Susie Gronski
Dec 16, 2024Pelvic and sexual pain is absolutely treatable, even though it can be hard to admit and challenging to find the right help. Join me to hear from pelvic health expert Dr. Susie Gronski. This episode will help you release shame or stigma about pelvic pain, which is very common. Dr. Gronski also explains common struggles with sexual and pelvic pain for both penis and vagina-owners, and helps you navigate the challenges in finding the right professionals to support you.
Meet my guest:
With over a decade of expertise in pelvic and sexual health, Dr. Susie...
When You're Bummed That You Have to ASK...
Dec 09, 2024It's common for people to feel upset and disappointed about having to ask for what you want. This is especially true if you believe you shouldn’t have to ask, and that your partner should "just know" what to do for you (whether that's in bed, in flirting, foreplay communication, or romantic gestures). After all, we see that played out in movies and TV all the time: the magic intuiting of the partner's needs.
But while it's common to think "they should just know," it also tends to make you feel awful, creates distance and resentment in you...
Pleasure & Connection Self-Assessment & Making Pleasure Goals
Dec 02, 2024Ready to be one of the brave, joyful souls who wrings the most pleasure out of this life? I'm going to help you get there. It's December and that means it's the perfect time for some guided reflection: where are you at with your experience of pleasure and connection in your life? Where do you want to be? This episode will walk you through a self-assessment and help you figure out how to set yourself up for a beautiful new year with more pleasure and connection than ever before.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start S...
Duration: 00:21:49Strap-Ons For Every Body
Nov 25, 2024Get started the fun way with strap-ons. Everyone can play with strap-ons and there are loads of reasons you may want to try it out. This episode will guide you through choices of equipment, accessories, positions. It will help you make the decisions that will bring you and your partner the most fun while avoiding painful bad experiences.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more about me a...
Duration: 00:28:033 Reasons You Have a Hard Time Talking About Sex & How to Overcome Them
Nov 18, 2024This episode is for all of you that have a hard time talking about sex, even with your partner. I'll cover the 3 top reasons people struggle to have conversations about sexual desires, needs, and interests. I'll also give you a place to get started in solving these challenges for each one.
From the episode recommendations, here is a link to the blog post from Somatica Institute on my most highly recommended relationship repair process: https://www.somaticainstitute.com/blog/9-steps-to-successful-relationship-repair/
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Wi...
How to Be Sexual Without Accidentally Being Creepy
Nov 11, 2024If you can't figure out why women seem to get turned off by you even though you're a super nice guy -- this episode is for you! We cover how to know if you’re inadvertently creeping out women or turning them off no matter how great a guy you are (and 99% of the people with this issue are cis-gendered hetero men). We'll talk about why that can happen, why it's not your fault (but is something only you can fix), how to stop it, and what’s up if you’re on other end (meaning that you get creepe...
Duration: 00:20:04Butt Fun: How to Start & How to Avoid Traumatic Mistakes
Nov 04, 2024Today we’re talking about butt stuff – all things anal pleasure. The rear end is the other half of your pelvis and has loads of nerve endings to enjoy, but it can also be a place of shame, pain and trauma when we aren't careful. I’m going to give you some perspectives on releasing shame and expectations. I'll also cover in detail the Cardinal Rules of Butt Fun so you can stay on the pleasure side of the equation rather than the pain and trauma side. As usual, I’m going to end on an invitation to explore on your...
Duration: 00:40:41Experiencing More Pleasure & Satisfaction (Plus How Arousal & Desire Fit In)
Oct 28, 2024What is your relationship to physical pleasure? Today is all about investigating this question so you can experience more of it. We'll talk about how you can boost pleasure, dive in to how desire and arousal get confused with pleasure, and how to focus on what really brings deep satisfaction.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/
Duration: 00:13:30How To Start Having G-Spot & Cervical Orgasms
Oct 21, 2024Do you want to have G-spot or cervical orgasms, but don't know how to get there? This episode is for you!
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more about me at https://laurajurgens.com/
Duration: 00:20:28The Missing Part of the ED Conversation
Oct 15, 2024This episode will help you understand the most common underlying causes of erectile challenges and how to solve them. While drugs can mask symptoms, they don’t actually address the underlying causes of ED. I explain the big missing piece of the ED conversation, which is how relationships, socialized pressure, psychology and emotional situations affect erections. If you have a penis, play with people who do, or just want to be more aware of how to support people who do – this one is for you.
Note: it is important to know that it's normal for erections to come...
Special Episode: Finding Calm & Helping Others When Disaster Strikes
Oct 06, 2024This is a special episode, recorded at my home in Asheville, North Carolina, USA in the aftermath of massive devastation from Hurricane Helene. It is for all people dealing with difficult times. In it, I walk you through a calming exercise to help de-escalate anxiety, overwhelm, stress and other challenging, activating emotions. I also talk about how you can help other people through co-regulation.
Note that there is no explicit content here and it is suitable for anyone.
Way to help Western North Carolina flood victims directly:
https://www.BelovedAsheville.com is a wel...
Up Your Foreplay Game
Sep 30, 2024This episode will help you get more creative and relaxed about foreplay. We'll cover why that’s super important for keeping the fire lit in your sex life, and what some of the blocks are to good foreplay. We're also going to dive into what's up with the foreplay deficit in America, the common problem of boring foreplay, and discuss how to overcome the worries and logistical issues that can keep us from getting more exploratory and creative.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Sha...
Your Options for Help: Coaching vs. Therapy, Plus Pros & Cons of Each
Sep 23, 2024This episode covers when to see a therapist and when to seek out coaching, strengths and weaknesses of both (because all modalities have pros and cons), and what to watch out for. I'll also go over different types of therapy and different types of coaching, and which versions are good for what situations and challenges, in my perspective.
This is part of a series of sessions that aim to help you understand the various options for help available to you.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
What we did in sessions this week
Sep 16, 2024Ever want to know what actually happens in coaching sessions? This episode is story time. I’m going to give you a peek inside my office at what we did in several different sessions this week. Through these little stories, you will get a flavor of the kinds of activities we do in my particular coaching practice, and get a sense of the kinds of help available to you as an individual or a couple who wants to have a better love life. Take a listen and discover how progress and solving problems can actually be fun!
Why don't they just know?
Sep 09, 2024What can you do when you really want your partner to know what you want and they just don’t. You keep waiting and they keep not knowing and not doing it. You are disappointed, frustrated, or heartbroken (or all three). This is a recipe for disaster if you stay on the disempowering side of this. Take a listen and learn how to get out of this stuck place and move forward.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Cou...
Break Free From Arbitrary Rules: Cleaning Out Your Should Closet
Sep 02, 2024This week we're diving into how "shoulds" sneak in and mess up our confidence, relationships, dating, and sex lives. Shoulds come from all kinds of places (society, religion, your grandma, that 2nd grade math teacher who said you had messy handwriting...whatever). They undermine us and our relationships, often subconsciously. Every time you let a "should" in, you're criticizing yourself or others and holding up standards you may not even believe in. Today I share a fun, easy tool to help you clean out your brain and free you up from these unhelpful, cognitive distortions.
Get my f...
Duration: 00:12:31Skip The Frustration By Understanding Attachment Styles
Aug 26, 2024Everyone has an attachment style. Knowing yours will enable you to manage relationships effectively as an adult, not just react at people. You'll feel much more able to communicate your needs, and much more in the driver's seat of your own experience in relationship, if you understand your own attachment style.
So join me while I break down the main attachment styles. I'll explain how to manage and even avoid conflict in relationships where you have different styles.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Bl...
Inside a Session on Emotional Desires: Asking For What You Want Without Shame or Blame
Aug 19, 2024In this special episode, I let you listen-in on a live session with client Kris (with her permission!). She and I tackle the topic of owning our own emotional desires when we’re in relationship. Think of our emotional desires just like sexual ones. Sometimes we know them, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we want to ask for something, but we don’t really know how to ask. Or how we’re asking isn’t working – the other person isn’t receiving it the way we mean and we need to try something new. Sometimes we think everyone is wired the same...
Duration: 00:47:25Better Sleep, Better Sex
Aug 12, 2024Sleeping poorly really impacts your sex life. In today's episode we're going to look at this head-on. This is a super practical episode meant to offer concrete help.
I'll share effective ways to sleep better, and what is reasonable to expect from yourself and your partner when there are sleep challenges going on. If you or your partner struggle with sleep issues, don't miss this one.
Here are the 12 things to do to sleep better:
What Am I A "Yes" To (Even If I'm A "No" To Sex)?
Aug 05, 2024It is super hard when you feel stuck in the Big No. You feel like you always have to say no to your partner. You may wish you wanted sex, but the truth is that you don't. There are loads of good reasons for that (see episodes 3 and 4 for many of them!).
But it also just sucks to feel stuck there, worried about your relationship, worried if you'll ever feel differently. I am not here to tell you to change. In fact, I firmly believe there's nothing wrong with you. You are most likely having a very n...
How to Feel Better About Getting Rejected
Jul 29, 2024Today is all about how to build rejection resilience.
How do you deal with rejection by default? How do you feel? How do you actually want to feel? We're going to dive into how to feel better when we don’t get what we want from someone. I’ll share the 4 options for responding to rejection. I’ll break down which ones undermine and which ones support continued connection so you can choose your own adventure in response to rejection.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame...
An Introduction to Sexological Bodywork: Interview with Rahi Chun
Jul 22, 2024When you're struggling with your sexuality, it's important to understand the landscape of help and healing options available. Sexological bodyworkers are one type of sex professional that many people don't know about. They are particularly helpful for certain sex challenges, and can really be helpful for people with numbness, pain, or difficulty achieving orgasm. In today's episode, you'll get to hear an interview with guest Rahi Chun, sex educator, sexologist and sexological bodyworker. Rahi will explain what this field is about, his particular approach, and we'll talk over how to find this kind of practitioner for yourself and what...
Duration: 00:30:08What Strings Are You Attaching To Sex?
Jul 15, 2024This episode will walk you through the 5 main types of emotional strings we attach to sex that can really tank a couple’s fun together. I'll explain why this can be a hidden, but very common, reason for sexual avoidance. Then I’ll help you inventory this in your relationship and start looking at how to release the weight so you can have more fun, carefree, pleasurable playtime.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Coup...
Flirting 101: Keys to Juicy Flirting for New & Long-Term Connections
Jul 08, 2024Whether you’re partnered or not, flirting is such an important skill and one that most people don’t spend nearly enough time learning to do well. I sure didn't, but I was so excited to learn about how to flirt well.
This episode will help you understand why it's important to flirt-- including in long-term relationships. Plus, we'll cover how to avoid creepy or needy vibes, how to appreciate people’s looks without de-humanizing them, the 6 key ways to flirt, and how to use grounded sexual energy to make your flirting actually work well for you and your...
Duration: 00:28:48You're Not Dysfunctional and Why Comparing Yourself To Others Isn’t Helping You
Jul 01, 2024Most of us don’t talk openly and honestly about our relationship and sexual challenges. So it’s no wonder that we look around us at everyone else and assume they are having great sex and easy relationships. Today we're talking about how that mistake can actually harm us.
We're diving into the incredibly common habit of "Compare and Despair" as it applies to our relationships and sex lives. We'll talk about why you are more normal than you may think, no matter what struggles you're having, and why assuming others are are having better, easier relationships is 1...
Duration: 00:19:56When Reality is a Bummer: Dealing with Disappointment
Jun 24, 2024Are you feeling disappointed about anything in your relationship or sex life?
Disappointment in relationships and sex is super normal. Some disappointment is because the situation is really not working for us and we need to take some sort of action (like leave, have some tough conversations, or get help). Other disappointments are simply because it's not possible for another person to give us 100% of what we want all the time.
Today we're taking a look under the hood at this second kind of disappointment. The kind that happens when our partner can't give us e...
Relationship Skills Part 2: Attuning to Your Partner
Jun 17, 2024Attuning well to your partner feels great for both of you. It enables emotional intimacy, which makes sexy time way better and much more likely to happen. It's also key for the special kind of non-verbal communication required in physical intimacy. But how do we do it well?
This episode will walk you through how to attune well to your partner. It will also help you avoid the top 3 big things that get in the way of attunement, understand how to differentiate attuning from projecting on someone, and give you a satisfying, easy practice that will help y...
Exploring BDSM: Interview with Femme Domme Coach Rose
Jun 10, 2024This episode is a must for anyone diving into or interested in dipping a toe into the world of BDSM. We cover everything from basic definitions: what is BDSM? How is it different from kink? What are the differences among Dom(mme)/Sub play, Sadomasochism, and Bondage and Discipline? How do you find a local scene or partners? What are some things to watch out for? What are some of the best things about BDSM and what kind of freedom might you find in that type of sexual play?
I'm joined by Femme Domme and fellow coach T...
Initiating Sex: Key Troubleshooting Questions for Couples
Jun 03, 2024This episode helps couples troubleshoot problems around initiating sexy time. In it, I guide you through how to talk over two of the most important topics for you and your partner to cover:
1) How are we dividing up initiation and do we both like the split? If not, what kind of split might feel better to each of us and why?
2) Are the initiation styles we've been using working as well as they can for both of us? How can we improve them?
We'll cover some styles of initiation that can fall flat...
Duration: 00:20:01Inner Critics Gone Wild: Boost Your Mojo & Improve Your Connections By Being Nicer to Yourself
May 27, 2024If you regularly feel ashamed, defensive, less worthy than others, or underconfident -- that's your inner critic at work. You may not realize that an inner critic gone wild isn't just harming you, it's harming your relationships and sex life.
All of us can be mean to ourselves occasionally, but when it's a regular pattern it makes us feel awful, kills our mojo, and undermines our relationships. If you have that pattern, you probably learned it long ago and have been doing it for years. But you don't have to keep the habit.
This episode u...
Arousal Styles: Which of These 3 is Yours?
May 20, 2024This episode covers the 3 main arousal styles. Only one is commonly depicted in media, but all are very normal and very common in reality. Most people have one dominant and possibly a secondary. Knowing your arousal style is part of discovering the manual to your own turn-ons and very helpful for communicating with your partner about what you like.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Start Solving Desire Differences
(Without Blame or Shame), A Practical Starting Point for Individuals and Couples, at https://laurajurgens.com/libido
Find out more about m...
Duration: 00:22:30How to Support a Partner with Sexual Trauma
May 13, 2024It can be hard to know what to do when you're partnered with someone who is starting to heal from sexual trauma. They may be pulling away sexually. You may be feeling rejected, resentful, and/or disappointed. You may want to support them, but not know how.
Today we’re going to cover the key things you can do to support your partner’s healing and your intimacy together. Four things are oriented specifically towards how you interact with your partner and four are oriented towards supporting yourself.
Join me and let's help you both stay...
Recovering from Trauma: My Process
May 06, 2024This is a special one. It's both vulnerable and also really satisfying. I’m sharing my story of the 8 key processes that helped me heal from dissociation and PTSD that I accrued from various traumas, including sexual assault, child abuse, homelessness, bullying and harassment.
It's never the same path for everyone, but I hope that this episode will inspire you to try out some of these approaches or understand better how to support loved ones. If you are feeling stuck, have genital numbness, feel disconnected from your body and/or your sexuality, are dissociated, depressed/anxious, or lo...
8 Core Principles of Consent & Why They Will Make You Super Sexy
Apr 29, 2024Learn the 8 core principles of consent, why consent competence makes us all sexier and more respectful lovers and human beings, how to share and model consent principles with kids, and some advanced issues around consent for those interested in kink and/or BDSM.
Here is the basic outline of the 8 core principles of consent:
Orgasm Challenges with Partners: Early or Never, the Male Edition
Apr 22, 2024If you're a person with a penis or partnered with someone with one, this episode will help you understand and solve some very common orgasm challenges for male-bodied people during partner sex: having orgasms sooner than you'd like ("premature ejaculation" or PE) or not at all.
It will help you stop trying to extend your time to orgasm by thinking about something awful and checking out (pro tip: that is horrible advice), and I'll walk you through what actually works instead.
If you have trouble orgasming with a partner, or you’d just like to tr...
More Orgasms with Partners: Vulva Edition
Apr 15, 2024So you want to have more orgasms during partner sex? Awesome!
This is a common goal for female-bodied people and I am 100% here for that. Women have much lower rates of orgasm during partner sex with men than their male-bodied partners do (and fewer orgasms than men think we're having). Lesbians don't have this problem, nor do women of all persuasions during self-pleasure/masturbation. So let's change this situation, starting with you!
We'll cover what's in our way, how to overcome those challenges, and my top 4 tips for having more orgasms during partner sex -- i...
Becoming Shameless: The Power of De-Shaming for a Happier You and a Better World
Apr 08, 2024How would it feel to feel free from shame? Take a moment to imagine it. If you’d like to get closer to that, join me for Episode 11: Becoming Shameless.
Everyone has shame and inhibitions we picked up from our culture or past experiences. Even those who mask it really well. It is absolutely possible to shed that baggage. It is a liberating process.
This episode will walk you through an effective approach to de-shaming that you can do with someone close to you or on your own.
You will learn how to shed judgm...
When & How to Talk About Sex with Partners
Apr 01, 2024Episode 10 is all about when and how to talk to your partner about sex. If you're dating, considering dating, or in a relationship, don't miss this one. It will take the guesswork out and keep you from a lot of disappointment.
Many of us spin out in worry about finding the "right time;" avoid talking about important sexual needs, desires, or challenges out of fear or shame; or just blurt out our issues whenever we feel urgent about it. None of these approaches will help you get what you want and need from your partner. Th...
Getting Validation: How to Be a Star Not a Black Hole or Red Flag
Mar 25, 2024Today we're talking all about where we get our validation, and what happens when we only look for it externally without giving it to ourselves.
Ever get that feeling that you, or someone you're with, just can't really take in approval? Maybe compliments slide off uncomfortably, or they seem to do absolutely nothing for our self-image. Maybe we feel desperate for attention, affirmation, or we tend to wait for someone else to make decisions. Or maybe we feel the opposite -- like we are entitled to approval for every single thing and we have a hard time...
Relationship Skills Part 1: Attune to Yourself First
Mar 18, 2024Episode 8 is the first in a series about Relationship Skills. We're starting with the fundamental skill of self-attunement. This is the simple practice of tuning into our emotional activation level to understand where we're at and what we're available for.
It's simple, and doesn't take long. It is also a game-changer for your relationships, whether with yourself or with everyone else in your life.
What is self-attunement?
Most of us struggle to maintain a deep connection during daily life and when we interact with others. Self-attunement is about being "home" to...
Duration: 00:35:18Better Intimacy Through Simple Changes in Vocabulary
Mar 11, 2024This episode will help you connect better to your own pleasure and your partners through simple changes to the words you use to talk -- and think -- about sex.
I'll cover the impact of words on mindset, expectations, and emotions, and give you some options for new terms to try on to feel more free during intimacy. The episode outlines the socialized connotations of words like "sex" and "penetration," highlighting the pressure it creates for people of all genders. We'll challenge patriarchal connotations, acknowledging how unintentional absorption of biases affects us all.
You'll learn s...
Uncover and Celebrate Your Erotic Superpowers
Mar 04, 2024In this episode, you'll learn why it's so important to understand your own erotic superpowers. We'll dive into the importance of owning your strengths when reaching for new goals. I'll help you identify your own erotic superpowers by explaining 16 common categories of them. The episode closes with an exercise to help you uncover, celebrate, and build on your special blend of strengths.
For the free Touch Play Guide, go to https://laurajurgens.com and for a transcript, go to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ and click on the episode.
Get my free guide: 5 Steps to Sta...
Duration: 00:34:20All About Erotic Emotions and Getting Curious About What Turns You On
Feb 26, 2024This episode is all about the psychological side of sexual desire. Our brains are our biggest sex organs. They enable us to feel interested, excited, and satisfied. So a big key to sexual self-empowerment is knowing your own core desires – the erotic emotions we crave during sexual play. They aren't obvious, and many may be surprising.
This is a big topic, so I'm going to break it all down. We’ll cover what emotions actually are and why we have them, what erotic emotions are, where they come from, why we have the ones we have, and how t...
Boosting Desire & Arousal By Finding Your Libido Blockers
Feb 19, 2024Join me on a useful journey through the dark forest of libido blockers. We're going through a list of the top 11 types of 'brakes' I see getting in the way of arousal and desire. After all, you can hit the gas all you want but you won't go anywhere if you don't release the brakes.
Here are the top issues we'll cover:
1. Genital pain and numbness
2. Feeling obligated to have sex for someone else
3. Internalized social "rules" about yourself or your partner
4. Unmanaged stress
5. Not knowing your body or not listening to it<...
Arousal & Desire 101: Foundations
Feb 13, 2024This episode is the first in a series on arousal and desire. It will give you the foundation you need to understand the different types of arousal and start thinking critically about desire, so you can boost your experiences of both processes.
We'll unpack how underlying cultural assumptions about sexual desire -- and the limited information we all get on arousal -- can really squash sexual joy, particularly for people socialized as women. We'll also cover how to start freeing yourself from all that so you can find your own authentic sexual freedom.
Ge...
Duration: 00:27:35Mastering the Art of Attuned Touch for Deeper Connection
Feb 07, 2024Unlock the superpower hidden within the simple act of touch. In this episode, I guide you through the transformative practice of Attuned Touch for better intimacy and connection.
This is a game-changer for giving and getting affection, whether you're using it in a sexual relationship or not. It's an amazing skill for everyone, single or partnered.
We cover what Attuned Touch is, why it's so powerful, and how to do it in 4 easy steps.
We'll also talk about 3 common mistakes we all make with touch and how to avoid them. I'll even give you...
Play-Based Approaches for Better Sex and Connection
Jan 30, 2024Ever feel like your career leaves little room for the joys of your sensual self? Join me, in this first episode of Sex Help for Smart People, where you'll learn why it can be hard for even the most successful women to know how to get what they want in sex and relationships.
In this episode, we're taking a radical departure from the ineffective methods that leave so many high-achieving women feeling stranded, and we move towards a practice that’s about embracing your body and its desires through communication and play, equipping you with the tools for...