The Scummy Mummies Podcast

Oh God. Time for some loud swearing, heavy drinking, and ludicrous conversations about nothing of any note - it's the Scummy Mummies Christmas Special! 

This year we have an argument about bodily fluids, and Steve shares his novel alternative to having a vasectomy. We talk about our favourite and least favourite shows of the year. There's a world exclusive book announcement, and Ellie reveals a secret she's been keeping from Jessie since August. 

Of course, it wouldn't be Christmas without our stupid traditions - Linda Chat, gifts no one wants, and we find ou...

Vasectomies, pornography, dick jokes and poo logistics - we cover it all with the help of hilarious comedian and actor, Sam Pamphilon! 

Sam tells us all about what it was like to have the snip, in graphic detail. We hear about the brilliant short film he recently starred in - The Man That I Wave At. And we discuss the sketch we tried out that was so filthy it never made it into the main Scummy Mummies show. 

Of course we finish with some confessions, involving language barriers, removal men, and a big old...

Why do people have affairs? What effect does it have on kids? How do you learn to love again after your partner has cheated? Answering all these questions is the brilliant psychotherapist Juliet Rosenfeld! 

She tells us all about her fascinating book, Affairs: True Stories of Love, Lies, Hope and Desire. We discuss what is going on in the minds of cheaters and what it's got to do with childhood. We also dig deep into topics such as polyamory, BDSM, and whether a relationship can be resurrected after an affair.

As is the cust...

Imagine taking up athletics in your forties, discovering you're great at the triple jump, and going on to set a brand new record. That's what Emily Murray (aka @pinkhouseliving) did - and she's here to tell us all about it. 

We learn about the Masters Athletics Federation, and how they offer people of all ages the chance to compete for actual medals. We discuss the pros and cons of being a super competitive person, and Emily explains how her perspective on winning has changed over the years. 

There's also some chat about writing novels, t...

How do you get teens to talk to you? Why do they need to sleep so much? And where the hell are they putting all that food? Helping us to answer all these questions is author Nicole Howes! 

She tells us all about her new book, Not a Survival Guide. We talk about the highs and lows of having teenage kids, and share our top tips for getting through. Nicole reveals why it's important to manage our expectations, and suggests some ways we can make things easier on ourselves, and our teens. 

As alw...

Time for a cup of tea and a catch up as we share all the big stuff that's been happening lately. Helen talks about what it was like to run the Sydney marathon, and shares an unimpressive celebrity anecdote. Ellie discusses her partial knee replacement, and the thing she did in the hospital that made a nurse go "Oh my God." 

We round off with some fantastic Scummy Mummy Confessions, harvested from our live show. Midwife mixups, redundancy revenge plots, women shaving each others' "fairies" - listen in for stories so funny you couldn't make them up...

Is leopard print the new Breton top? What should you wear if you want to avoid "Mum Bum"? And what is the one thing you should always bring to a festival? Answering these questions is the amazing Zoe de Pass, aka Dress Like a Mum! 

We interviewed Zoe live on stage at this year's Big Feastival. As she's a style icon we chatted about fashion, of course, and invited her to pass judgment on some of our favourite outfits past and present. 

We also talked about the brilliant ski trips Zoe runs and sha...

Our guest for this episode is the awesome author Julia Raeside. She tells us about her brilliant and very funny book about women taking on toxic men in comedy, Don't Make Me Laugh.

We discuss why so many comedians turn out to be dreadful, and how working together is the key to effecting change. Julia talks about the reactions her book has had so far and why it seems to be resonating with so many people. 

There's also a bit of chat about the writing process - why is it so difficult? What sh...

This episode comes to you live from a Premier Inn room in Stevenage. That's showbusiness! 

Our guest is Steve Hill, sports writer, roadie, and miserable but funny man. 

We talk about his last decade driving for the Scummy Mummies, and how he's managed to finagle his way onto the stage. Listen in to discover what we fight about in the van, which curry Steve always orders, and how Ellie finds such nice pubs for lunch. Plus there's some incredibly lowbrow toilet humour and a debate about whether we'd have it off with Keir Sta...

What's the best way to dispose of a sex toy? Do cats have nails? And is it wrong to take a piss in your cheating husband's bathwater? Nobody is asking these questions, but we attempt to answer them anyway in this special episode! 

As we take a break from gigging for the summer, we reflect on the opening leg of our Hot Mess tour, and share some of our favourite confessions from those first 43 shows. Tune in to hear tale of what one naughty toddler did with some Rice Krispies, how one woman ended up with t...

She's an Olympic athlete, a brilliant life coach, and a busy mum of three - it's the awesome Michelle Griffith-Robinson! 

We hear all about how she became a medal-winning triple jumper, choice versus sacrifice, and whether it's true that all the athletes are having it off behind the scenes. 

We talk about Michelle's life now and she shares her top tip if you're planning a home renovation. She gives us some inspirational, motivational advice for living life to the full. Plus, we discuss her strict rules for screentime and school repo...

Our guest for this episode is the hilarious actor and social media star Clara Batten! We talk about everything from writing books and kickstarting your career to what it's like to have dinner with Boris Johnson. 

Clara tells us how she makes her brilliant reaction videos, and what the people she's reacting to make of them. We discuss how she got banned and then unbanned from Instagram, and how her comedy has helped her return to acting after a 20 year break. 

We also talk about Clara's desert island drinks, her exciting new project wi...

313: Ellie's Dad - life lessons, a quiz, and some "jokes" 

What are the lyrics to Happy Birthday? What is the correct term for male swimwear? Who is Jennifer Lopez? Ellie's Dad knows the answer to none of these questions, and we are here to mock him for it. 

Yes, it's a Father's Day Special as Jim returns to the podcast. We discuss Crystal Palace's FA cup win, aka the best day of his life. He shares the number one nugget of wisdom he's learned after 78 years on the planet, and Ellie comes up wi...

Our guest for this episode is the awesome Daisy-May Hudson. She tells us about her experience of homelessness, and her journey from documentary maker to film director. 

We discuss Daisy-May's latest movie, Lollipop, which tells the story of a woman fighting to get her children back, and a friendship that's rekindled along the way. It's out on the 13 June and it's absolutely brilliant. 

There's also some chat about Daisy-May's documentaries - Halfway, which she made when her family was made homeless, and Holloway, about former inmates of the infamous women's prison. Holloway is out on 2...

Is being a restaurant reviewer the best job in the world? Where's the best place to book a table right now? And how did a picky eater become an award-winning food critic? Answering all these questions is Jimi Famurewa! 

He tells us all about his brilliant new book, Picky. We discuss Jimi's time as a connoisseur of all-day breakfast in a can, and share some strong opinions on butter boards. 

There's also some serious chat as we talk about what it was like to grow up in the shadow of the BNP and the mu...

An Englishwoman, an Irishwoman, a Greek and an Australian walk into a DJ booth... No, it's not the start of a joke, it's the latest episode of the Scummy Mummies Podcast! 

Our guests are the hilarious comedians Riona O'Connor and Olga Thompson. Due to an administrative error, we find ourselves crammed into an unpleasantly warm enclosed space. We get up close and personal about pretty much everything - body confidence, the menopause, Jedward, friendship, school WhatsApp groups, ageing, the Crowded House origins story, raising teens, mental breakdown, and what to do if your tortoise has a p...

Ooh, look at us, sifting through evidence and sipping on fizz with the excellent Drunk Women Solving Crime! Listen in as we join Taylor and Hannah to discuss parenting fails, suppository etiquette, and what happens when nuns go wrong. 

If you enjoyed this episode you can find many more DWS bangers wherever you get your podcasts! And why not go and see them live?

Also, WE ARE BACK ON THE ROAD! Our new show Hot Mess is coming to theatres all over the country in 2025 and beyond. Many shows are SOLD OU...

What's it like to headline a stage at Glastonbury? Who is more fun to hang out with, Mickey Rourke or Alan Titchmarsh? What item you could buy from a Robert Dyas does Mariah Carey insist on having at her parties? Answering all these questions is DJ Nikki Beatnik! 

She tells us about Mums That Rave and how her amazing daytime parties are taking over the world. There's a bit of serious chat as we discuss sexism in the music and theatre industries. And we talk about the trials of accepting a prestigious award while simultaneously trying t...

Is there such a thing as a "maths brain"? How do you help a child who's struggling with numbers? And why should you never tell a kid they're clever? Here to answer all these questions is the legendary Bobby Seagull!

He tells us how he gave up a career in the city to become a teacher, and ended up going viral after an appearance on University Challenge. We discuss Bobby's dating life, and how he explained it to his mum using a PowerPoint presentation. Ellie attempts a Keir Starmer impression, Helen reveals how she embarrassed herself i...

Our guest for this episode is the awesome Tasha Thompson, founder of Black Girls Do Run! 

She tells us what inspired to set up the organisation, why she started running, and what keeps her going more than 25 years later. We discuss the challenges women face when it comes to getting involved in sport. Tasha talks about why we need to get out there, and how to do it. 

There's a lot of chat about chafing, and we share our top running tips. Tasha tells us what her favourite gadget is, and Helen reveals the h...

Our guest for this episode is the amazing Emma Campbell, aka Limitless Em - author, marathon runner, cancer survivor, and single mum of four. 

She tells us about her experience of being diagnosed with cancer when her triplets were just six months old. We discuss the best way to talk to kids about cancer, and Em's top tip for getting through a crisis. 

Follow Em on Instagram @limitless_em for more from her, including links to her excellent podcast, Open. She's running this year's London Marathon for Cancer Research as part of #TeamBowelBabe - hav...

What's the right age to give a child a mobile phone? How long should kids spend on screens each day? Why don't we need to feel as guilty about our children's phone use as we might think? Answering all these questions is the awesome neuroscientist Dean Burnett. 

He explains the difference between compulsion and addiction, and why he doesn't think Australia's plan to ban social media for under 16s is a good idea. We look at tricky issues like explicit content, cyberbullying, and the effect of staring at a screen on kids' eyesight - and find o...

For this special live episode we took a trip to lovely Liverpool, and had a fabulous time. We discussed how our feelings about exercise have changed over the years, and what we've learned about the different ways we can motivate ourselves. We also showed off about the time we went to Everest, and told the story of how we visited the wrong Brookside. 

This episode is brought to you in partnership with Sweaty Betty. We absolutely love their workout gear, especially the super comfy leggings with the pockets, and we've been wearing it for years, so we...

302: Self-love, second chances and dick pics with Lou Featherstone

Ever dreamed of leaving your husband, buying a leopard print bus, and touring America's Bible belt while throwing vibrators out of the window? That's what Lou Featherstone did, and she tells us all about it in this episode. 

We hear how a dick pic inspired her to leave her marriage after 20 years. We find out what it's like to give a Ted talk and to find new love with an old flame, and Lou shares her top tip for self-love. We also hear about her...

We've got a live one! This special episode was recorded in front of a lovely audience at the Soho Hotel. We talk about our relationships with fitness - everything from Helen's epic running to Ellie's dodgy knees. 

We discuss how we both hated exercise at school, and why that changed as we got older. Helen explains how getting out of her marriage led to a change in mindset, and Ellie confuses herself with a complicated analogy about hobs and saucepans, or something. 

This episode is brought to you in partnership with Sweaty Betty. We...

What's the secret to a happy marriage? Which one of us didn't know what a reacharound is until today? Are bouquet garnis worth it? We answer all these questions, along with the most important one of all: why are people still listening to this nonsense, 300 episodes in? 

Joining us is the brilliant Rob Deering. He tells us about his 25 year career in comedy, and what he believes has kept him and his wife together for so long. Ellie also shares her top tip for staying married (spoiler: it involves a lot of WhatsApp groups.)

A...

There's some full-on honest chat in this episode as we talk about all things downstairs with Kelly Newton and Coni Jefferson-Longden, the founders of NIXI Body. 

Kelly tells us how pissing herself inspired her to become a pioneering inventor and engineer. We also hear about her experience of fostering 28 children over a period of 19 years. 

Coni shares some fascinating facts about cervical mucus, and we learn why the gussets on our pants sometimes go a bit orangey. She discusses her challenging journey to becoming a mum, and tells us what not to say to...

What mistake do all would-be novelists make? What's it like to be nominated for the Booker prize? And what's the best drink to pair with a Greggs Steak Bake? Helping us answer all these questions is the brilliant novelist Charlotte Mendelson! 

We discuss Charlotte's latest book, Wife, plus her work as a creative writing teacher. She tells us what all her students have in common, reveals her top tips for finishing your novel, and shares the best piece of writing advice she was ever given. We also discuss the economics of being a writer, and accidentally ha...

Time for the filthiest, silliest and sweariest episode of the year - it's the Scummy Mummies Christmas Podcast! 

We are joined by our old friends Miserable Steve, Nurse Jessie and Sam Pamphilon. We discuss our highs and lows of 2024, and find out what Steve means when he talks about getting his balls drained. 

Of course, our festive Scummy traditions return - join us as we wish Linda a happy birthday, and find out if Jessie has a new job. Plus: who will win this year's Ham Review? 

There's a hilarious stor...

Are modern mums more stressed than their predecessors, and if so, why? What's the best way to deal with anger, and what should you do if you've shouted at your children? How do you accept that you're just not good enough? Answering all these questions is the amazing psychotherapist Anna Mathur! 

She tells us all about her brilliant new book, The Uncomfortable Truth: Change Your Life By Taming Ten Of Your Greatest Fears. We discuss everything from death and rage to phone addiction and crap holidays. Then we round off with some Confessions involving coping strategies, len...

In this episode, we answer all the burning questions we've had recently about the theft of Ellie's wedding rings. How did they get nicked in the first place? What was the piece of advice that helped her get them back? Is the vow renewal still going ahead??? Listen in to find out! 

It's just the two of us for this one, live from the glamorous setting of a Premier Inn hotel room in Norwich. As well as discussing the ring drama, we take the opportunity to say some nice things to each other, and even get a bit...

How do we keep children safe when they're playing games online? What's the best way to manage screentime? What is Fortnite, why is it so popular, and what age should kids be allowed to start playing it? Helping us answer all these questions is the awesome author and video games journalist, Keith Stuart!

This special episode is sponsored by Epic Games, the creators of Fortnite. We talk about some of the positive aspects of gaming, including why games can be a lifeline for neurodivergent children. We also offer some tips for parents for getting involved in the...

What's the best brand of air fryer? How can bad bakers get better? And why does the This Morning baking expert hate making wedding cakes? Answering all these questions is the fabulous Juliet Sear! 

She tells us all about her amazing career, from making the world's first edible Christmas jumper to becoming a daytime TV star and ending up with eight air fryers in her house. We share some of our culinary disasters, and find out what went wrong the time Juliet tried to make a red velvet cake for Mel B. She reveals the truth ab...

How is having ADHD like being a butterfly? Why are women still being defined by what their husbands do? And do sharks really love heavy metal? Helping us to answer all these questions is the awesome Lliana Bird! 

She tells us about her children's book, Baboo the Unusual Bee, which she wrote while breastfeeding. We share our memories of being new mums, and reveal the advice we wish we'd had back in the day. 

Lliana talks about her shock at discovering that women's pages are disappearing from wikipedia, thanks to some good old fas...

This is a special LIVE podcast, recorded at the awesome Big Feastival this summer. Our guest is Cat Sims, known on the socials as @notsosmugnow. 

We cover a host of topics in this podcast, from starting school to managing teens, coping with WhatsApp groups and dealing with nits. We chat about the three things you should never talk about with other parents, and have a heated debate about laundry. 

We bring back the classic game Handbag Surprise and of course we share some Scummy Mummy Confessions. There's even a cameo from a special guest...

Our guest for this episode is the hilarious Michael Akadiri! He tells us why he switched from junior doctor to comedian, but always wanted to be a footballer. 

We find out how he's enjoying being a new dad, and laugh at the ludicrous extravagance of his son's first birthday party. There's some advice for anyone about to start medical school, and Michael shares how working as a psychiatric nurse helped him become a better doctor. 

Plus: is it OK to push your kids towards sporting excellence? What's Ellie's top tip for potty training? And wha...

How come different people find different things funny? Why is When Harry Met Sally a better film than Love Actually? And can dogs laugh? Helping us to answer all these questions is award-winning comedy writer Joel Morris! 

He tells us about his new book, Be Funny or Die: How Comedy Works and Why It Matters. We find out what it's like to write jokes for Charlie Brooker and Philomena Cunk, and why Joel hasn't got a BAFTA, even though he won a BAFTA. Plus - how does Joel feel about his books ending up in charity shops...

Do you really need to follow fashion when you've just had a baby? What's the best way to work on self-esteem? Is it still OK to wear skinny jeans? And why is Ellie in trouble with her Dad even though she's 46? Helping us to answer all these questions is stylist extraordinaire Sophia Lorimer!

Known on the socials as @finedtunedwardrobe, Sophia is a fashionista with a difference. She's all about shopping your wardrobe and sustainability - in fact, she hasn't bought anything new from a shop in five years. We talk about that, along with how Sophia's a...

What's it like to perform a hilarious comedy show about death? Here to tell us all about it is stand-up legend Ed Byrne.

We discuss his 30 year career in comedy and how he got started. Then there's some chat about his latest show, Tragedy Plus Time. We talk about the loss of Ed's brother, Paul, and Ellie explains why his was the funniest funeral she's ever been to. We also discuss the difference between dealing with family and friends, and Ed offers some advice for what to do when sibling relationships go wrong. 

I...

Our guest for this episode is the hilarious comedian Helen Lederer! We talk about how she helped pave the way for slags trying to be funny like us. She tells us what it was like to do stand-up in the eighties, alongside the likes of Ben Elton and Ellie's Dad, and we discuss what's changed since. 

Lederer tells us all about her brilliant book, Not That I'm Bitter, which is out now. She explains what it's like to write a memoir that's honest and funny without being mean, and we touch on some of the sexier bit...

What's the best thing to say to someone who's in mourning? Is the second year of grief really the hardest? And who was the lead singer of Westlife? Helping us answer all these questions is the amazing Stacey Heale! 

She tells us what it was like to lose her husband, Greg, who was diagnosed with Stage 4 bowel cancer on their daughter's first birthday. Stacey explains what life is like now, nearly three years after his death. We discuss Widow's Fire - the phenomenon of bereaved people who turn to sex for comfort. Plus, the best and w...

This special bonus episode was recorded on Saturday 6 July, just two days after the general election. We got to interview Jess Phillips MP in front of a live audience at the Birmingham MAC, and she was brilliant. 

We covered loads of topics including Jess's work in the areas of women's rights and domestic violence, what she wants the new Labour government to prioritise, and what she thinks of Starmer's cabinet appointments. We also talk about the abuse suffered by Jess and her staff in the run-up to the election, and why she thinks it was the wo...

Our guest for this episode is best-selling author, dear friend and Saturday Kitchen wine expert Helen McGinn! 

She tells us what wine we should be looking for in the shops this summer. We discuss whether Whispering Angel is worth the money, and McGinn gives us some suggestions for budget rosés, cheap fizz, picnic wines, and what to stick in the fridge if you fancy a nice chilled red. We find out what goes on behind the scenes at Saturday Kitchen, who McGinn's favourite celeb guests have been, and which one she got told off for sta...

How do you get a book deal? Is Michael Buble's music for life, or just for Christmas? What's it like to watch your husband simulate anal sex with one of Britain's leading actors? Answering all these questions is the brilliant Beth Morrey! 

She tells us how her first novel ended up in a bidding war after facing loads of rejections, and how her writing process works now. We hear her top tip for avoiding procrastination, and learn why she doesn't read her own reviews. 

Then yes, it's a bit early, but we discuss Elli...

Our guest for this episode is the amazing Caro Tasker. We cover a huge range of topics, including baby loss, raising autistic kids, and how trauma can help you discover who you are. 

There's also some much less serious nonsense. Why doesn't anyone use the word git any more? Is being married to a famous rugby player like being in Footballers Wives, only with different shaped balls? What was it like to be a guest at Harry and Meghan's wedding, and what's the one sentence George Clooney said to Caro? 

Ellie and Caro are co...

It's a transatlantic party in this episode as we meet KK and Kerry, the world's second best female comedy double act! We hear about their fab show, Six Chick Flicks, and they tell us the best meet cute stories they've heard from audience members. 

We discuss how they're enjoying their UK tour, including what they think of Scunthorpe and why they love M&S. Kerry tells us about the time she auditioned to be a theme park princess, and Ellie reveals the reason she got turned down for a job at the Disney Store. 

The...

This episode is all about the new weight loss drug Ozempic - what are the risks? What are the benefits? How does it actually work? Joining us is author Johann Hari, who has written a book all about it. 

Just to be clear: this is a full and frank discussion about the issues around weight loss, the body positivity movement, and the health risks of obesity. We hear some tough stats about the dangers of being overweight, and some graphic descriptions of fat shaming. There's also some strong language. 

Johann tells us about his...

Yes, it really has been 25 years since Ralph's Party was released! You are that old! Here to talk about that book, and all the brilliant ones she's written since, is best-selling author Lisa Jewell. 

She tells us about her writing process, and how she cured herself of imposter syndrome. Lisa shares her top tips for budding authors, and introduces us to our new favourite website, doesthedogdie.com. 

We talk discuss true crime, and why so many of us women like it so much. Then there's some chat about raising adolescents - Lisa reveals why her p...

We sit down for a serious chat in this episode as we celebrate the life of Lee, Helen's Mum, who passed away recently. And of course, we manage to have a few laughs along the way. 

We talk about the kind of person Lee was, and how lucky Helen was to have her as a parent. We discuss what it's like to prepare for the death of someone you love, and strategies for managing grief. Plus, find out the roles ABBA and East 17 played in Lee's passing. 

This episode is dedicated to Lee, with lo...

Why do lesbians have the highest divorce rate? How do you navigate an open relationship? What goes on in a sex lab? Answering all these questions is the amazing Rosie Wilby! 

The comedian and author tells us all about her brilliant books, Is Monogamy Dead? and The Breakup Monologues. We discuss some of the fascinating things she's discovered through her research, and learn a superb fact about bonobos. Rosie explains why she and her wife are considering opening up their marriage, and reveals what it's like to perform stand-up at a sex party.

You c...

What makes the Danish some of the happiest people on earth? How can we steal their ideas, and what's stopping us? Why are Norwegian women like oil rigs? Answering all these questions is the amazing Helen Russell! 

We talk about her brilliant new book,How to Raise a Viking. Join us as we go on a wonderful journey to a land where the streets are paved with trampolines, children are given knives to play with, and men are having VR sex in enormous spunk factories. 

We talk about dating in Denmark, and the da...

Comedian, immigration lawyer, burlesque dancer, trainee wrestler, and absolute legend - it's Sikisa!

She tells us how she went from being a barmaid to being on stage, and some of the weirder things she's seen while MCing one of London's most famous open mic comedy nights. We learn what it's like to go on Live at the Apollo with a concussion. 

There's a bit of serious chat as Sikisa discusses her work as an immigration lawyer, helping refugees and asylum seekers to stay in Britain. We hear what she thinks about the idea of...

What's the best way to write a bestselling book? Who would win in a fight between a shark and a gorilla? And what's it like to be bitten on the penis by a piranha? Answering all these questions is Matt Coyne, aka Man vs Baby! 

He tells us all about his brilliant new novel, Frank and Red, which is out now. We discuss our different writing processes, and the best way to deal with procrastination. 

Matt explains why one of his favourite facts about himself involves Ellie's Dad, and gives us a window int...

HELLO READERS! What's it like to go to Antarctica with your 76 year-old Dad? What is Ellie's problem with penguins? Why did she get taken away by Buenos Aires airport security, and why was it Jim's fault?  

Answering all these questions are Ellie and Ellie's Dad! Helen quizzes them to find out all about the fortnight they've just spent on the frozen Continent. We hear all about the whales, the weather, and what it's like to go for a dip in 0.3 degree water. 

Ellie and her father share some of their seafaring family history as we...

Why are PTA quizzes the worst? Is Croydon really the Manhattan of London? And which star of The Chase has the most erotic fan fiction written about them? Here to play for a four-berth caravan and a fortnight in Tenerife are Lucy Porter and Jenny Ryan! 

Lucy tells us how she went from comedian to quizzing legend, and Jenny reveals the origin story behind her Chase nickname, The Vixen. We discuss our favourite gameshows of yore, and our experts share their top tips for hosting your own quiz at home. Stay tuned for the Scummy Mummy C...

What's it like to embrace Hugh Jackman? Which celebrity does Tom Price still dream of interviewing? And why does he want us to eat prawns off his wife's back? Answering all these questions is the actual Tom Price! 

The Magic FM drive time DJ takes a break from his busy three hours of work a day schedule to spend some quality time with us. We have a good old moan about what it's like to live with teenagers, and share the nice bits too. 

Then it's time for some hilarious star-studded anecdotes - tune in...

What is the collective noun for a group of Lindas? How is anal sex like relationship bitcoin? And which Hollywood action star would Sam Pamphilon pleasure orally for £50,000? Yes, it's the Scummy Mummies Christmas Special!

As usual, we get too drunk and talk absolute nonsense for too long. The same old Christmas podcast traditions are back, but Ham Review gets a new twist this year, and Nurse Jessie shares some news that leaves our jaws on the floor.

Steve Hill literally phones it in, while Sam tells a story that will ensure you ne...

Christmas eating is great, but Christmas cooking can be stressful. Joining us with her top tips for creating calm in the kitchen is Sarah Rossi, aka @TamingTwins! 

She shares easy make-ahead recipes for starters and desserts, and a great idea for what to feed picky eaters on the big day. We talk about how we should all be getting into dump bags, which are nicer than they sound. Ellie reveals how Sarah's 15 minute Baileys cheesecake saved her Christmas last year, along with her theory that organised people are secretly the laziest bastards of all. Helen learns what a S...

Is there a way to argue constructively? What is the best way to help someone in crisis? Should we aim for happiness, or be content with contentment? Answering all these questions is the amazing psychotherapist, author, agony aunt and artist, Philippa Perry! 

She tells us all about her brilliant new book, The Book You Want Everyone You Love to Read. We learn about the various styles of arguing, and discuss what our spice racks say about our personalities. We also talk about Philippa's work as an advice columnist, and how she deals with difficult topics like sui...

We know it's only November, but we can't help it - we bloody love Christmas! So in our latest podcast episode, we are sharing some of our favourite festive confessions from previous shows - along with some personal stories of Christmas chaos.

We discuss our favourite things about Xmas, the worst gifts we've ever received, and what we're planning to wear on the big day. Ellie comes clean about her Elf on the Shelf spreadsheet, and shares her top tips for quick and easy elf pranks for lazy people. Plus we answer big, important questions l...

267: From Morrisons to Drag Race with Ella Vaday

Our guest for this episode is Nick Collier, aka drag superstar Ella Vaday! He tells us how he went from working in Morrisons to wowing us with his Nigella impression on season three of RuPaul's Drag Race UK. 

We hear about his time performing in the West End, and why he was banned from selling perfume in Harrods. We find out how scripted Drag Race really is, and how Nick feels about the way he was represented in the edit.

Then there's some...

Our guest for this episode is the amazing Shareefa J - model, diversity activist, fitness champion, and all round bloody brilliant woman. 

She tells us what it's like to watch a photographer lighten your skin tone, and to be told you're too fat when you're a size 10. We discuss how far the modelling industry still has to go when it comes to encouraging inclusivity and stamping out racism. 

We get a bit personal as Shareefa and Helen discuss their experiences of being cheated on. If you're the victim of multiple infidelities, is it he...

What should you say to a friend who has cancer? If you're the one with the diagnosis, how do you tell your kids? And is it really possible to futureproof your body against illness? Answering all these questions is the brilliant Rosamund Dean. 

She tells us about her journey from finding a lump in her boob to being cancer free, and what she wishes she'd known at the beginning. We discuss clipboard people versus duvet people, and whether early menopause is more like pick'n'mix or a Glastonbury toilet. Rosamund explains how having cancer has affected her p...

Our guest for this episode is the awesome Ayo Akinwolere - Blue Peter presenter, documentary maker, fitness champion, and all-round bloody good bloke. 

He tells us how he went from not being able to swim to crossing the deepest trench of the ocean in just ten weeks. We talk about the cultural divide that separates swimmers and non-swimmers in Britain, and how Ayo is trying to change things. Will he turn Ellie into an open water wanker?

There's some serious chat about Ayo's experience of moving to the UK from Nigeria as a c...

Do we all need therapy? How do you talk to a partner about sharing the mental load? And what's the first thing you need to do if you feel you're approaching burnout? Answering tricky questions like these is the awesome psychotherapist Karen Hartley! 

Along with her brilliant wisdom, she shares some practical tips for things like coping with anxiety. We discuss whether there's a generational divide when it comes to therapy and mental health, and how to help teenagers cope with their feelings. Helen talks about the advice she gives to people who are starting the div...

What's the best way to avoid family days out turning into disasters? How do you stop kids asking for snacks all day? And what do mums have in common with combine harvesters? Helping us to survive the last few weeks of the summer holidays is Susie Lodge!

She tells us all about the website she founded, wikiplacesforkids.com, which is an excellent resource for anyone looking for ways to entertain the kids. We get some great tips for pleasing children with different ages and interests, saving money at the cinema, and generally making outings more bearable. 

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains two of Ellie's Dad's jokes. He joins us to share some tall tales about a magical dog, the funeral of King George VI, and the time he was at a party with Elton John (or not.)

We discuss the tall tales (lies) our parents told us, and come clean about the myths, legends, and big fat whoppers we've told our own children. (NB: There's a bit of Santa chat you might not want to listen to with little ones around.) And we share some brilliantly hilarious tall tale confessions from listeners.<...

It's hard to believe it's been a whole decade since we sat down on Ellie's sofa to record the first episode of the Scummy Mummies Podcast. But here we are, having survived premature childbirth, a shitty divorce and a global pandemic, still on the sofa, and better friends than ever. 

In this special anniversary episode, we reminisce about the good old days, and reflect on whether we should be grateful for the bad times too. We tackle some tricky questions - how bad do the catsuits REALLY smell? What's better to make with lemons than lemonade? A...

What's hardest part of parenting - the baby bit, toddler tantrums, or teenage rage? What's it like to live with your dad at the age of 40? And what's the best way to cope with an emergency nipple hair situation? 

Helping us answer all this questions is the hilarious Esther Manito! She tells us all about her experience of starting comedy after having two kids. We discuss sharing domestic chores and balancing out the mental load, and generally have a good old moan. 

Esther discusses living with her dad, and the influence her Lebanese he...

How do fighter pilots get their callsigns? What's it like to risk your life every time you go to work? And why should you never eat out-of-date fudge? Answering all these questions is the amazing Mandy Hickson! 

She tells us how she became one of the UK's first female fighter pilots, despite the best efforts of the Bloody Patriarchy. We talk about her 17 years in the RAF, her time in Iraq, and why she thinks motherhood is much harder than flying planes. Then Mandy discusses her new career as a motivational speaker, and the number one nugget...

What's the best way to deal with an angry child? Why should we be saying "thank you" to our kids instead of "please"? And how do you get them to put their bloody shoes away? Answering all these questions is the awesome Marie Gentles! 

Marie has loads of practical parenting tips, from managing screen use to carving out quality time - and what to do if your children don't want to spend it with you. She tells us why it's not always a good idea to ask kids what's wrong, and where to start with a child...

257: TV's Dr Zoe Williams on teenage girls, healthy farts and being a Gladiator!

Our guest for the episode is the fabulous Dr Zoe Williams off of the This Morning and Gladiators. She tells us about how she became a doctor via an epiphany in Ayia Napa, what it's like to be an actual Gladiator, why it's important to get your teens into sports, and she attempts to solve Helen's farting problems.

Then we have some brilliant chat about Dr Zoe's new book You Grow Girl: The Complete No Worries Guide to Growing Up...

Our guest for this episode is the awesome Kate Ferdinand! She tells us about her experience of becoming a stepmum to three kids at the age of 26, and shares what she wishes she'd known at the start of her parenting journey. 

Kate is brilliantly honest about how she really feels about pregnancy, and the expectations around forming a blended family versus the reality. We discuss some hot topics like when you should introduce a new partner to your kids, whether you should kiss in front of them, and how to deal with discipline. Kate reveals the o...

What's the best food to make for date night? How long should you really cook a fish finger for? And is grapefruit ever acceptable? Answering all these questions is the brilliant Sarah Rossi, aka @tamingtwins! 

We talk about her fab new book, What's for Dinner?, and how she saved Ellie's Christmas. We share our filthy food secrets including our laziest comfort recipes, and our favourite kitchen gadgets. Ellie has a confession to share about a romantic gesture she made for Pete, and Helen reveals what she likes to do with a pyrex bowl and a cheese slice...

In this episode we're joined by Nicki Bamford-Bowes, aka @andthentheywentwild, and Wayne Perrey, the TV carpenter! They're here with loads of tips for improving your interiors, whatever your budget. 

Nicki tells us the number one thing you should do before you start any design or diy project, and Wayne has a great idea for giving kids their own space in a shared room. 

We talk about whether interior design skills can be learned, and dealing with clients who have their own ideas about what looks good. Nicki has some suggestions for how to let...

This month marks TEN YEARS together as the Scummy Mummies! So we decided to celebrate in the traditional way - by walking to the foot of Everest to break the world record for the highest ever stand-up comedy gig! 

Listen in to find out how it all went, and why we decided to go on this nonsensical adventure in the first place. We discuss the joy of hot water bottles, the misery of sleeping in -25 conditions, and the consistency of Helen's farts. We explain what it's really like to spend a fortnight trekking to the wo...

What a Mann, what a Mann, what a Mann, what a mighty fine Mann - it's Olly Mann! The podcasting legend from Answer Me This, Today in History with the Retrospectors, The Modern Mann and many more joins us for a chinwag. We cover everything from the invention of home pregnancy testing kits to the shock of fatherhood, and who we'd rather have it off with out of Colonel Sanders and Captain Birdseye.

There's a bit of serious chat as Olly discusses the sudden loss of his Dad, just six days after his son was born. He...

One of our favourite guests returns to the podcast to tell us about her fabulous new book! And along the way we cover everything from family secrets and maternal relationships to pubic hair shame and Beowulf. 

There's some chat about how we feel about our kids getting older, and Helen shares her experience of Teensplaining. Ellie explains why she's never taking advice on days out from Instagram again, and Abigail reveals a surprising fact about Marmite.

Abigail's brilliantly dark and hilarious novel, Mother's Day, is out now! You can follow her on Instagram @abbie...

Why do we always want to eat rubbish when we're tired? Are low carb diets really a good idea? And is it OK to clap your own crap? Answering all these questions is Dr Sarah Berry! 

Sarah is an associate professor at King's College and also the chief scientist at Zoe, which helps people to work out which foods suit them best. Ellie talks about her experience of the program, and how her favourite bit was probably the thing with the poo hammock.

We quiz Sarah on the best way to talk to k...

Our guest for this episode is TV's Adrian Chiles! We talk about everything from booze and Bette Midler to coping when your kids go off to uni. 

Adrian tells us why he decided to cut down on the booze, and Ellie apologises for copying him by doing a podcast about the same thing, titled Sort Your Shit Out and available now wherever you get your podcasts or https://pod.link/1663245629.

We hear how Adrian's regional accent was an advantage when he started working at the BBC. He shares his advice for parents of younger...

Our guest for this episode is the hilarious comedian Alasdair Beckett-King. He tells us why he decided to write a children's murder mystery book, even though he has no kids and has never killed anyone. 

We talk about how Alasdair went from doing shit gigs in terrible pubs with us to starring on Mock the Week. He explains how a failure at film school kicked off his comedy career, and why he believes a bad first gig is better than a good one. 

Helen excels herself with the running order for this episode, ma...

What makes social media so addictive? How do we get our kids off their phones? Why is multitasking a myth? And what's it like to be mates with Oprah and fat-shamed by the Dalai Lama? Answering all these questions is best-selling author Johann Hari! 

He tells us how a trip to Graceland with a phone-obsessed teenager kicked off his investigation into how our brains are being changed by technology. We discuss the rise in ADHD being diagnosed in kids, and the 12 factors affecting our ability to stay focused. Johann offers some practical tips for reclaiming our a...

We are smashing the patriarchy in this episode with the help of Laura Bates - campaigner, writer, speaker, and all-round excellent woman. She explains why she started the Everyday Sexism project, and we discuss how the landscape has changed in the decade since. 

Laura tells us what she'd change tomorrow if she had a magic wand, and we ask her advice on how to raise our kids so they don't turn out to be terrible sexists. There's some real talk about pornography, and the effect it's having on men's behaviour during sex. 

As us...

She's a campaigner, an author, a podcaster, and an all-round legend - it's the awesome Mika Simmons! 

We talk about why she set up her brilliant foundation, Ladygarden, and what it was like to lose her mother to cancer. There are some very moving moments as Mika describes their last moments together, and what it's like to have to tell your mum she's going to die. Plus, she shares her number one piece of advice for coping with grief. 

Then it's back to the usual old filth. We hear about Mika's book, The Happy Va...

It's the stupidest podcast episode of the year! Sam Pamphilon and Nurse Jessie join us once again to get drunk in Ellie's lounge and forget their conversation is going on the internet. 

As is tradition, we discuss Jessie's new job, and try to get to the bottom of what the fuck she actually does for a living. Sam tells us whether he's divorced yet, and it's the return of Linda Chat - which Linda would Sam do in a pinch? Plus: where the fuck is Steve?  

Then it's time for Ham Review, followed by a...

YES DALLYN! Our guest for this episode is the hilarious Gareth Howells - Hunsnet founder, brunch hoster, Victoria Beckham fan and all around legend. 

He tells us about why he started Hunsnet, and how it's grown into an amazing social media phenomenon that makes us laugh every day. We hear about Gareth's brilliant book, The Hundamental Guide to Life, and his tips for shitting your pants and doing it anyway. 

Plus: which of us is the hunniest hun? Which font makes Gareth physically ill? What are our favourite high street celebrity bed linen collect...

Our guest for this episode is author, podcaster and Instagram sensation Cat Sims, aka notsosmugnow!

We tackle some tricky topics such as Cat's struggle with drink and drugs, getting clean, and what to do if you think you have a problem. We also talk about 

her experience of post-natal depression - what's the one sentence that sent her on a downward spiral, and how did she manage to climb back up? 

There's some jollier chat as Helen sets a new date for giving up smoking, and Ellie shares her top tip for cl...

What's the best place to start if you want to declutter your house? How do you get teenagers to talk to you? And what's it like to meet one of your online trolls? Answering all these questions and more is the amazing Sali Hughes!

She tells us about her brilliant new book, Everything is Washable and Other Life Lessons. We discuss our favourite bits, and Ellie reveals which of Sali's superb tips has already changed her life (spoiler: it involves gravy.) 

There's some chat about getting through the teenage years, and why Sali belie...

Our guest for this episode is the awesome author Jenny Colgan! She tells us about how she got her book deal, and what it's like to write 36 best-selling novels. Plus: is she the Kylie of women's fiction, or the Madonna? 

We also hear about Jenny's own love story, and why it's like a romantic comedy come to life. Plus, we find out which nationality of man she'd date first if her husband was dead.

For more from Jenny, follow her on Instagram @jennycolganbooks and twitter @jennycolgan.

Tickets for our 2022 shows are...

239: Raastawala's Rinku Dutt on her new cookbook, divorce, and starting again. 

She's a fabulous cook, an amazing entrepreneur, and an awesome author - meet our guest for this episode, Rinku Dutt! 

She tells us how she came out of a divorce in her twenties to start a whole new career in India - before moving back to the UK to launch her hugely successful street food business, Raastawala.

We also hear about her brilliant new cookbook, Kolkata: Recipes from the Heart of Bengal, and how she managed to write it whil...

Our guest for this episode is Camille O'Sullivan - amazing singer, fabulous performer, and all-round extraordinary woman! 

She tells us what it's like to break up with your partner three weeks after the birth of your baby, then go on stage to sing with Yoko Ono. We talk about her dual heritage, and what being Irish means to her. 

There's also some chat about getting older, and being unhappy with your appearance. We discuss whether being a performer is a compulsion or a career, and why we probably all need a therapist like Met...

Our guest for this episode is the hilarious Lucy Porter! She tells us all about her latest comedy show, and how it was inspired by hitting middle age. 

We chat about everything from hanging out with Christian Slater to breast cancer scares, sports cars, and why baby swimming is a total waste of time. Plus, Ellie and Lucy have a heated debate over the big question that's on everyone's lips: is Center Parcs good or rubbish? 

For more from Lucy, including tickets to her 22/23 UK tour, visit linktr.ee/lucyportercomic.

**WE...

It's SIMON LONDON! One of our favourite guests of all time returns for some hilarious chat about everything from parenting to politics. 

Simon discusses the practical things he's been doing to deal with empty nest syndrome, and the best piece of advice he's ever given his teenage son. We also talk about the tweet he wrote in response to partygate that went viral. 

Do check out Simon's brilliant website kidrated.com, and follow him on Twitter and Instagram @slondonuk. 

**EDINBURGH KLAXON** Tickets for our Fringe show are available NOW! Get yours...

How do you cope with the anxiety of parenthood? Is wearing make-up anti-feminist? And what's the most fun way to dispose of a prophylactic after sex? Helping us answer all these questions is the hilarious Harriet Kemsley!

She tells us all about her new Edinburgh show, and what it was like to get back on stage just one month after having a baby. We hear how having dyspraxia has affected her experience of motherhood, and why she believes marrying another stand-up comedian was a terrible mistake. 

Then it's time for some Unsolicited Advice, whe...

Our guest for this episode is the awesome Dr Angharad Rudkin, a child psychologist for over 20 years. She has lots of advice about helping kids with their emotions, and explains why we shouldn't feel guilty if we let parenting standards slip during the pandemic. Phew. 

We talk about Anghard's brilliant new book, Split Survival Kit: 10 Steps for Coping With Your Parents' Separation. She co-wrote it with children's author Ruth Fitzgerald and it's out now. 

Angharad answers lots of important questions like how honest you should be with your kids about the reasons behind your div...

What's sex like after separation? Is it OK to look at porn? Should Helen have it off with a lady? Helping us to answer all these questions is the awesome Natalie Lee, aka Style Me Sunday! 

She tells us about her brilliant new book, Feeling Myself: How I Shed My Shame to Find Sexual Freedom and You Can Too, which is out now. We touch on everything from masturbation and ageing pubes to whether leisure wear is sexy. 

Natalie tells us about her experience of being diagnosed with ADHD, and why she's a big fa...

HE'S BACK! One of our favourite guests of all time returns to talk about his favourite body parts, falling over at festivals, and pubic topiary. Yes, it's Dr Ranj! 

We talk about his brilliant new kids' book, Superpower Like Mine, which is out now. There's some chat about helping children to manage feelings around body image, and why it's just as much an issue for boys. Plus, tune in to find out which one of us offers Ranj a faecal transplant, and why. To finish, there's a Scummy Confession that will blow your mind - let's just...

Our guest for this episode is the awesome Cat Bateman from Little Folk Nursery Rhymes! She tells us what it's like being the least annoying baby music group singer of all time, and what she secretly thinks of some of the parents. 

Cat also shares her experience of having a son with type 1 diabetes. She reveals how she coped with the initial diagnosis, why things are easier now, and the surprising thing her son has to say regarding how he feels about his condition. 

We chat about Cat's other son, who was recently hospit...

This episode is all about our amazing nine day, 100 mile hike across Yorkshire and Cumbria! We are joined by our travelling companions, Jim, aka Ellie's Dad, and John, aka Helen's brother / the silver fox. 

Tune in as we discuss the highs and the lows. You'll find out who farted the most, who cried the most, and who wore the same pair of trousers for nine days. Plus: Ellie's Dad reveals the essential item he takes on every walk, his technique for dealing with cows, and how many penises he's seen. 

(Sorry about the sou...

Are you ready for the most erotic anecdote about Peter Andre you've ever heard? Well, get ready, because we have Claire Richards on the podcast! 

She tells us all about her life in Steps, and what it's like to become a pop star at the age of 19, earning a whopping £50 a week. We ask if there are any Steps songs she secretly hates singing, and whether their costumes smell as bad as ours. Plus, Claire tells us about the moment when H came out to her, and what crisps she was eating at the time.